Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Random Pet Peeves #1

-The word "nude" as a descriptive color. I mean...isn't that relative? Hate it...

-For that matter...flesh-toned. Who's flesh?

-Entering information into an automated system and having the CSR get on and ask you the SAME questions.

- When people swerve into the lane to their left to make a right turn. I mean, how much room do you need?

-Potholes

-People who stand inside the door in the frozen food section and "windowshop". I mean...it's a GLASS DOOR! WTH do you have to stand with the door open to see what's in there? Keep the damn door closed and make up your mind first.

-People that don't pull all the way up to the first pump at the gas station.

-Drivers in oncoming traffic that pull out in front of you to make a turn, causing you to decrease your speed when there is NO ONE behind you. Seriously? You couldn't wait 3 seconds?

-Tofu

-The fact that it doesn't matter how many bananas I buy, the last one or two are always mushy by the time I get to them.

-The comment "You have such a pretty face"

-When people email you the same message to ALL of your email addresses.

-Text forwards

-Waking up 10 minutes before the alarm goes off

-My boss sending me an email, then asking me if I got the email, then proceeding to repeat verbally the email content. Why didn't you just talk to me instead? What was the purpose of sending an email?

Weeds serve NO purpose in your garden


(old blog)



So in my garden (life) I have quite a few pretty roses, a few rosebuds and more than my share of dandelions. Let’s break this down. A dandelion in itself is harmless at first look, it may be kinda cute, SOMEBODY out there thinks it’s kind of nice to have around, and it might even add a little “color” to the garden…but make no mistake about it, a weed by any other name is STILL a weed.

If they serve no purpose…they need to go, because they are just taking up useful space. But, you have to be careful how you deal with the weeds in your garden. You don’t want to become “bitter” and over-zealous and spread “pesticides” over your entire garden because you will ruin and kill the roses and rosebuds…no, you don’t want that. You also don’t want to waste valuable time cultivating and treating weeds like you treat your precious roses when they don’t appreciate it, don’t respond and under the surface are choking the life out of the rest of the garden. So what do you do?

Once you have positively identified a weed, you need to determine the “danger level”, determine the source and take protective measures. If you have a healthy garden, a weed or two might not pose much of a problem…do a spot-check here and there and take care of those few weeds and keep it moving. If your garden is overgrown with weeds…then maybe you need to step back and determine why your garden is under attack. What is it that makes YOUR garden so attractive to the weeds? If you have treated your garden by “spot-check” before and seem to keep having the SAME type of problem, then maybe you need to take more drastic measures. Maybe you need to re-evaluate the “fertilizer” you are using. *go figure* I said all that to say this…no garden is EVER completely free from the weeds among us, but ignoring them only leads to bigger problems in the long run.

I need to get my garden under control…how about you?

Nothing left to say

So the past few weeks I've been feeling pretty sentimental for several different reasons and when that happens, I tend to turn on the music, light some candles and write it out. Well the other night I came across a song (by one of THE best bands ever) that I've heard several times but had never really LISTENED to. I was intrigued and I looked up the lyrics...here are several lines (listen here: http://www.imeem.com/people/s6fsMuB/music/XVy4nbAO/mint_condition_nothing_left_to_say/ )

Nothing left to say- Mint Condition

Love was so strong
At least at the beginning
Who would've thought
there'd ever be an ending
We had it all
But it's like we've run into a wall

Now we try to talk
but just end up fighting
try making up
but there's just no denying
Jus' ain't the same no more
what are we putting ourselves through all this for

you talk and hear me
but you can't communicate
cause you're not lis'ning
know these are two different things
now I see what it means to have been
blinded by the one you love so deeply
cause,

The very things that made me love you
are the things pushing me away (now)
in tears we stand here
with nothing left to say

And all I could do for you
I should've done before (now)
In tears we stand here
There's nothing left to say

You touched my heart
and were so giving
spirit so free
you threw me in it
I fell so deep
I could not see my life
without you in it

Girl you gave me
alot of attention
Somehow the feeling turned
into crazy possessive
It was always there
But I didn't look deeper
If I would've I'da seen a limit
---

Dayum. Makes me think...on two topics in particular. Pardon my train of thought here...

When relationships or other partnerships dissolve, it's easy to see what the other person did wrong. It's easy to say that they weren't meeting your needs or weren't pulling their weight, but how often do you step back and look at yourself? Maybe your partner doesn't pick up on non-verbal clues or hints or maybe they just DON'T know what's wrong...even if you think they should. Before anything else, we are all individuals who are guided by our own predilections and we have to learn how to love other people and be a partner in a relationship. You have to be verbal about what you want and need and won't stand for in a relationship...that way there is nothing left up to "interpretation". Sometimes we can be so wrapped up in us and what we need and what we aren't getting, we forget that our partners have feelings too and it's just not about us all the time. We forget that people (especially men, lol) don't come with this ingrained chip to know what to do and say at all the appropriate times. I've been guilty of not voicing what I need and then becoming increasingly bitter about why I'm not getting it. When you get to that point, you can't operate because you're not thinking about what YOU'RE bringing to the situation and how YOU can make it better, you're only focusing on the lack of xyz. I could drone on and on...but I won't.

The second thought that came up while listening to this song over and over and over was that sometimes we see what we want to see. People tell you what they are and what they want time after time again, even if they don't "say" it. The very idiosyncrasies that make you scratch your head and brush off as endearing or a little "special" could be clues to just how things are going to play out down the road. That saying that "hindsight is 20/20" means that the clues were always there, you either didn't see them, or chose not to pay attention to them. You think it's cute when they call you 15 times a day and say that makes them interested in you and next thing you know they're hiding in your bushes. You brush it off when they don't do what they say they will do...until it becomes a bigger and bigger problem. Again, communication comes into play here as well. If there are certain topics that are off-limits in your relationship and that bother you, you have a decision to make. Do you want to continue to look the other way and let it fester...because it will, or do you want to address it head-on and suffer the consequences.

I dunno, I know this may not make sense to anyone else but me but I just wanted to share my train of thought. I'm FEELING this song, because I've been there, I am there...with nothing left to say. At some point in relationships/friendships/career situations, there is nothing left to say that hasn't already been said. I told you what I need, you told me what you're ready to give and we continue on the course it may as well be a mexican standoff, lol. I don't get how people can stay in limbo for weeks upon months upon years. Recognize what you can get out of the situation and if it suits you, fine...if not, then I guess there's nothing left to say...

Thursday, January 7, 2010

I wish I had a red dress...

All black everything it's what's comfortable to me now. I fade into the background and lead a life of monotony. I work a menial job for a meager salary. I drive a boring car and live in a modest dwelling void of any fancy decor. I don't have a lover, a dog, cat, fish...hell, I don't even have any plants. I don't cook anymore, my idea of a gourmet meal is honey drizzled on a bowl of cereal. I'm bored. When did life become this way?

Sometimes I dream to get away. I dream about living in warm climates with beautiful scenery and I'm just...fancy. I walk around with high-heels all the time with colorful dresses and wide, floppy hats and I'm fabulous. I speak with an air of importance and people wonder about me. They whisper about me. I hear them but I act like I don't. They whisper and speculate "I bet she's an actress, or an author...she must be important" they say. I leave huge tips for waitresses and walk as if I glide. I hop into my fancy yellow convertible and drive off into the distance with my hair playfully dancing around my face.

I'm interesting.

Sometimes I'm a singer. I picture myself standing behind the stage, with thousands of fans chanting my name. I let the excitment build and stroll confidently to the middle of the stage in my red dress. I stand there and strike a Diana with my arms spread wide and just look around. I have a big, luscious black afro, sometimes there's a flower in it. Maybe I'll blow kisses. I let them cheer. When I finally take hold of the microphone, the crowd falls silent. They all wait with baited breath to hear the melody come from within. I know what they want. I take a deep breath and open my mouth and the most soulful sounds emerge. I surprise myself. I'm beautiful. I'm wanted. I'm worlds away from menial and meager and modest. I'm interesting.

Sometimes I wish I had a red dress...

PSAs

I mentioned PSAs. Sometimes I'll have random rants, annoyances, etc that I just have to get off my chest...here are a few:

If you have your heart set on a "steak dinner", just wait on the steak dinner. No matter how long it might take, wait on it. Having a happy meal "instead" or to "tie you over" will just leave you pissed off and still wanting steak. You're welcome.

Everyone that doesn't co-sign on your foolishness is NOT a "hater". Can we abolish this term in 2010? Most times the user isn't doing anything hate-WORTHY. Do better.

If there is something on your FB page that you don't want talked about/asked about either change your privacy settings or re-evaluate your friends list. You're welcome.

If you send someone ghetto snacks, funky flowers, pillow fights, hugs, kisses, farmville, cafe world, sorority life, mafia wars, We're family, make a baby or any other type of request and they never respond...please stop.

The word "but" negates everything before it. Think about that the next time you say "I don't mean to be disrespectful but..." "I respect your relationship but..." "I really love you but..."

Guys, any comment that ends in "for a..." is probably not a good idea. (Ex. ...for a big girl/...for a dark-skinned girl/...for an older woman) Don't do it to yourself.

If its cold enough for you to be wearing a hat, scarf, coat, boots...why is your toddler walking around in only a jogging suit? No wonder you're in the cold/flu aisle. Do better!

Please don't misuse the "like" button on FB. If someone posts "My Aunt died, please pray for our family" why the heck would you "like" that? If you're gonna pray, why don't you just comment and say so...why "like" it? I mean...think about it. SMH

Sometimes, all you have in life is your word. Make it count for something. If people can't trust that you'll come through when you say you will, what do you really have? Do better in 2010.

Pity parties are sooooo 2009, if you're having one...please don't invite me. It will spare us both an awkward moment. Thanks in advance.


So...what do you want the world to know?

The Expert of Everything

Sooooo, maybe you're wondering why I came up with the name of this blog when it's obvious that I'm not an expert.

It stems from a conversation I had with someone recently when she said that a mutual friend of hers said that my FB posts "annoy" her (specifically some PSAs that I did) and that she wonders when I was appointed "expert" of anything. Let's just say that set me off. Those of you who may be reading this that know me personally know that I can talk. I really can. I will talk about anything under the sun and offer my opinion if you ask me...and sometimes when you don't, but it's never malicious. I try not to be overbearing with my opinion and if I annoy you when I'm sharing MY feelings in MY personal space, then quite frankly, I don't give a damn. If it's not a personal attack then you are free to do what I like to call IGNORE me. Why am I even on your FB list then if I "annoy" you so much?

Clearly she was deleted with a quickness, but I just wanted to share a quick blurb about where that title came from. Get it? Good. :)

Technical stuff

I promise I will learn how to do all the fancy HTML and embedded pics that make eye candy, please be patient with me!!! :)

I can't stand the coloreds!!!!

So it came to pass that in the year 2010, when we are 1 year into an Obama Administration that the following things happen:

1) The first black, female mayor of Baltimore, MD is resigning due to a plea agreement stemming from a conviction of...stealing giftcards. Really? *sigh*
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/2010/01/07/2010-01-07_baltimore_mayor_sheila_dixon_pleads_guilty_to_corruption_charges_resigns.html

2) Michael Jackson's televised funeral was nominated for a NAACP Image Award. *needle scratches the record* Excuse me? A FUNERAL? Like with a casket and a preacher and a DEAD PERSON? Come again? Even more baffling, it is listed as a "variety show".

3) On the same token, Real Housewives of Atlanta was also nominated. I wonder what sealed the deal for them? "Who gon' check me boo?" or was it "Tardy for the party"? GTFOOH NAACP!!! Who do you have doing your nominations Rush Limbaugh? Did they just write down every show with black people in it and compile a list of noms? They can SUTTM because they are now irrelevant.

4) Gilbert Arenas. *deep dramatic breath* So you bring multiple REAL guns to your JOB and store them in your locker because 1) you didn't want them in your house with your kids and then you decide to play a joke on your COWORKER who owes you money and 2) pull gun out and attempt to kid about the situation, you then 3) apologize and say it was a dumb joke and you realize that anything to do with guns isn't funny and you realize how immature it was. Then you go to a game and huddle in a circle with your teammates and point "finger guns" at them as another joke. WTF? Dude, you need a new sense of humor. And now you're apoloLYING again? How about this...go sit in a corner and think about the stupid isht you just did. Is it funny? I'm just saying. If I went to my job and pulled out a gun, I can guarandamntee you ain't a mofo in there is gonna think it's funny. I'd be fired. You simple ass. You're a multi-millionaire. You ain't got a safe? Or a locked room? Hell, you coulda bought a condo just to store your guns. YOU are the bama of the week. week. week. (Does anyone know what Huggy Low Down actually looks like? lol)

5) White House gate crasher number 3. *whispers* He's BLACK!!!
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/2010/01/05/2010-01-05_third_uninvited_guest_crashed_white_house_state_dinner_in_november_secret_servic.html

Now I must admit, when the Salahi's crashed the State Dinner, I along with many other folks said something along the lines of "Now I bet if MY black ass tried to roll up in there, Secret Service would have had me locked up in some secret room strip searching me and giving me Chinese water torture to figure out HTF I did it." And here come DIS dude. Not only is he a black man, he's a black dude that wears Yankee fitted caps. Ain't this about a beyotch? He know his monkey-ass (see my intro post) ain't have NO business up in that dinner. And how come all these security breaches are happening all of a sudden? I bet heads would have ROLLED had this happened in a Dubya Administration. But I digress.

I think 5 instances are enough. I LOVE black folks, but I can't stand a colored. *walks away shaking my head in disdain*

Getting to know me...

So since we’re just meeting, let’s get to know each other a bit…shall we? I find that learning random facts about a person is a good way to break the ice. Let’s try it!

1)-I like to use acronyms. Hopefully you speak PJ, if not...just smile and nod, mmkay? My favorite ones are:
GTFOOH- Get the **** out of here
YHGTBKM- You have GOT to be kidding me
STHUTTM- Shut the hell up talking/typing to me

2) I can’t stand used tape. There is something about the dirt on the adhesive just freaks me out.

3) I can't sleep with my closet door open.

4) When I was younger, I snuck into the living room while my older cousins were watching "Nightmare on Elm Street". It was the one where the dude got sucked into the middle of the bed and then the bed started spouting all kinds of gooey isht. I was FREAKED TFO (that's PJ speak, I'm sure you can figure that one out).
I was scared to sleep in the middle of the bed until high school, lol. I always had a queen-size bed and my mom would come in my room and be like "Why you always sleep on the edge of the bed?" SMH Tragic.

5) I was once bit by a brown recluse spider and almost died. Thus, I have an irrational fear of spiders. Seriously. I will hyperventilate at the sight of a daddy long legs (which we ALL know aren't harmful). It's a sad situation.

6) I'm a reality health show junkie. Any type of medical, emergency, trauma, 'I didn't know I had a tumor and was pregnant with my twin and I died and came back to life' show will keep me enthralled for hours.

7) I did well in English, but I haven't taken an English class in years. Occasionally I mispell things and use improper punctuation and don't quite cite things the way I should but I figure that if I get my point across then folks will be okay because sometimes I feel like typing exactly how my train of thought is going and I really could give a damn if it's a run-on sentence like now I know I'm missing punctuation, but you're still reading so screw it...cuz I'm smart S-M-R-T!!!! (a la Homer Simpson) LOL, no really, I'm not that bad.

8) I have an uncanny ability to soothe babies and put them to sleep. I think it's the boobage. WMEs are what I like to call them. Weapons of Mass Exhaustion...for babies that is, and some men too, don't judge me.

9) I'm an extremely patient person, but my tolerance for stupidity is next to nil. My facial expressions are priceless when I get annoyed, or so I've been told.

10) Monkey-ass is one of the greatest insults ever. It makes me giggle. I like to giggle, lol. It's so simple and succint. "If you don't sit your monkey-ass down somewhere." One who heard that phrase would immediately sit said monkey-ass down, don't ya think?

11) I think Facebook is evil and addictive, kind of like Walmart. You go to walmart to buy one thing and end up in there for an hour and come out with all kinds of isht you don't need like motor oil because it was 2/$1.00. WTF? I don't even put my own oil in the car? WHY did I come in here for candlelights and leave with motor oil, a car mat, tuna fish and a welcome mat? *True Story* EVERYDAY I see something on FB that makes me shake my head, but I keep coming back. I'm some sort of masochist.

12) I'm lightweight addicted to updating my FB status. Sometimes I have to consciously stop myself from updating it. And my friends are a bunch on enablers. They LOL and IKTR (i know that's right...keep up) me all day. I guess they like me or something. *shrugs*

13) I tried Twitter once. I created an account and logged on, logged off about 30 seconds later and was like eff it...that was like a year ago. The funny thing is that I still get periodic emails saying "Brenda S. is now following you" huh? Following me where? I've never posted anything. WTF are you following me? Who are you Brenda S.? Nah, I don't twit, tweet none of that.

14) I'm very single. I tried a stint at online dating, ehhhh, I can do without the whole process. It feels like filling out a job application or completing a self-appraisal at work. I mean, I'm well aware of my best qualities, but how can you sum up yourself and your intentions in 500 characters or less? I'm verbose. Long-winded. Talkative. Wordy as hell. It takes me 500 characters to tell you what I wore to work today. SMH I once signed on to e-harmony because I heard good things about it. They have too many damn questions. I was on screen 5 of like 400 and was just like "eff it, I'll go buy some cats" and logged off. SMH Why is it so hard? That's a blog for another day.

15) I realize that one of my random thoughts said I was very patient and then I revealed that I didn't have patience to learn twitter or fill out an e-harmony application. Since I'm contradicting myself, lemme add that I have never finished a KSA for a government job (those things are sent from hell), I also don't have the patience to learn new phones. I get frustrated and will just leave it alone until I feel like dealing with it. I just thought that if I was going to contradict myself I'd be thorough about it.

16) My nose itches when I eat sunflower seeds. WTH?

17) All of my favorite male singers are little men. With the exception of a few, they are all TDs (titty dusters) or borderline at least. I think little men try harder, thus are better entertainers, lol. Anthony Hamilton, Raheem Devaughn, John Legend (not sure how short he is, but he has a little man persona), Musiq, Dwele, Stokely (Mint Condition-My most FAVORITEST BAND EVER!!!), etc.

18) I'm new to this blogging thing, but I figure if I can email randomness all day and update my FB status like it's a religious requirement I can give this a go, right? We'll go on this journey together.

19) I'm a really sweet person, but I'm a tad (read=helluva lot) sarcastic. It would probably behoove (I love that word) you to bring your sense of humor when you come "see" me, it's really just all jokes...usually.

20) I like ellipses...and parenthesis, I feel like they help me get my point across. Please don't go all English teacher on me when I OD on either.

Nice to meet you. :)