There's a thin line, between love and hate...for facebook.

I'm lightweight addicted to facebook. I think I mentioned that before. And while I love it dearly for several reasons. I also despise it with a passion. Facebook is evil, lol. It makes people do, think and say things that one would not normally do, think or say. A lot of times, the website is glitchy, and when it does work...they are constantly updating it into the "new" facebook, which usually takes away functionality and throws everyone for a loop. Facebook is kind of like America to me. There is a BUNCH of isht wrong with it, and sometimes you just gotta get away for a while, but when it all boils down to it, it's where I call home.

Some of the things that draw me back to FB so much is the fact that I can catch up with friends/family all in one little homepage. I can load pictures from family/friendly funtions and share them without having to go through the hassle of emailing folks one by one. You can keep in touch with folks from across the street or across the world and it's all good. Love it. But from time to time, I have to take a little break. I wanted to take a minute to blog about the things that annoy me most about FB.

1). Friend suggestions. Half the time I don't even know the people that FB is suggesting I befriend. Or maybe it's someone that shares a mutual friend with I that I just don't care to interact with. At any rate...it's annoying. Let me find my own friends. If that wasn't enough, they also push you to "help make FB better for them" or "Share the latest news" to people you haven't "talked" to lately. Huh? Stop it.

2). People who post stuff on FB and then get mad when you mention it. "Who told you that?" Chick, you posted it on Facebook! I'm not stalking you! Folks need to realize that within their little circle of friends on FB, unless you have restrictive privacy settings, what you share is public information...up for anyone to see and comment on. If you don't want it talked about, don't talk about it. Or you ask a guy that you're dating what they meant by something and they get all up in their feelings "Why you all on my page like that?" What?

3). Folks that take every one of your status messages and want to apply it to them somehow and get offended. *sigh* If you KNOW me, you know that if you've done something to piss me off to the point where I have to publicly vent about it...you'll know it. I pretty much say exactly what I'm thinking and my friends never have to wonder where they stand with me. You won't have to go to my FB status to find out that I'm annoyed with you. I probably wasn't even thinking about you when I said it. *sings* "You're so vain..."

4). Fakery. If you're on my friends list, then I'm cool with you. The moment I am no longer cool with you, you're no longer on my friends list. Period. I understand why people utilize privacy lists for personal or professional reasons, but it's just not for me. And if you feel like you feel some kinda way about me that you gotta block me from your status messages, pictures, wall or whatever...please just de-friend me. I promise I won't be offended. I'm the same way with everyone I meet, so I don't need to have groups of friends on FB. That's just how it works best with me, but I do realize everything ain't for everyone. *kanyeshrug*

5). People that assume that you see every post and every status message they make. You will be talking about something and be like "wait, what? When did that happen?" And they say "Well I posted it on Facebook." Are you serious right now? Like, why would you assume that I see everything you post? Why would you use a Facebook status (only) to make an important announcement? Likewise, if I post something on my page/status and it's in direct conflict with something you said...why would you assume I'm referencing your post and trying to "battle" you? LMAO That's asinine!! OMG people kill me!!!

6). People not realizing that Facebook is an online community and in no way a substitute for REAL interaction and REAL communication with your friends and loved ones. *Liking* my pics or status does not equate meaningful quality time.

7. The airing of dirty laundry and/or fighting on FB. *sigh* Do better.

8. Hearing about important, life-altering things...on Facebook. I had to "get with" someone about telling me that a loved one was very sick...via inbox mass message. Huh? You have my phone number, you have my email address, how you gonna mass message your friends list and tell people about a family crisis via facebook? It's just...wrong.

Everyday on FB I see something that makes me roll my eyes, yet I keep going back. SMH It is what it is.

He loves me...especially...different.

Best Love song about the GREATEST love ever. Enjoy



Bet you thought I was talking about Jilly from Philly, right? :)

My Funny Valentine...

...no really, he was friggin' hilarious. *straight face here*

So I had a very interesting weekend. I wasn't really interested in going out or making a big deal out of Valentine's day. I never am. Maybe because most V-Days in the past have pretty much sucked, so I don't even get excited anymore. Anyway, I wasn't feeling well and then the whole...being on a "dating hiatus" thing, lol. Since I'd made the decision to just not date anyone for a while, exes seem to be coming out of the woodwork to want to hang. Or just calling to "see how I'm doing". Whatever. I'd actually had a weak moment where I thought I wanted to meet someone and actually pursued something, but that didn't pan out, so back to the hiatus I go.

Anyway, back to this weekeend...I was asked out twice, and to both guys I said I wasn't interested in doing anything. To which one of them said "Well you just gonna be sitting at home anyway." How do YOU know what I'm going to be doing? So you figure that if YOU don't take me out, NOBODY will? Dude, gtfooh. You don't know what I'm doing when I'm not with you! Don't feel like you have to "do me a favor" and take me out. Fast forward to Sunday and I get a call from Mr. Navy. Mr. Navy and I met online back in the summer and dated for a few but he was just on some games. I cut things off back in November (which is when my hiatus started). We speak periodically on FB or text, but we just aren't the same anymore. He said he'd been thinking about me and that he's been wanting to ask me out but thought I'd give him the cold shoulder. *giggles* He said "Well I figure you wouldn't turn me down on V-Day" I laughed 1) because I felt that that comment ALSO came from a place of "well you're not doing anything anyway" and 2) because he knows me oh so well. Most days I do give him the cold shoulder, lol. Anyway, since he invited me to my favorite brunch spot, I decided to go.

I told him I'd meet him there instead of being picked up. We had some good convo and we talked about where we “went wrong”. Very enlightening. He said he misses me and hopes we can start over, at least as friends and try to communicate better. The thing is, he isn’t (in my opinion) admitting what he did wrong. He’s just kind of like “yeah, things fell off…but let’s start over.” I can’t really get with that. I mean, the first step is admittance, right? So if you hurt my feelings, were dishonest, playing the field and lying about it…shouldn’t you at least say “Look…I know I did you wrong, I know I was playing games, but let’s start over.” Or is that too much to ask? Seems to me you want to move on without acknowledging your part in WHY things fell off. I’m not asking for details. I’m just asking for acknowledgement because if we WERE to move forward and isht fell off again, well then it’s really my fault for not making sure the situation was resolved, right? *shrugs* Whatever. It was a free meal, and you know big girls like free food, lol.

We ended up leaving there and going to Best Buy and then taking in a movie. It was a nice date, and I enjoyed myself. He called me later that evening and said that he enjoyed himself too and that he’s sure I “made a lot of people jealous today”. Hmm? Apparently, as he explained, his legion (my words, not his) of women friends were wondering why he got ghost (his words, not mine). He cloaked this in a compliment...
"I had to take my Jewel (my middle name and what he calls me) out because YOU deserve it. I have a lot a female friends and I'm sure they would have loved to go out, but you are number one." Sooooo, since he bestowed his attention on me on the Hallmark Holiday, I should feel privileged that you chose ME to spend the day with vs. any of the other chicks? Uh…thanks???? Why do you feel the need to sell it to yourself (because you clearly aren’t selling it to me) that other people want you?

*scratches head* These dudes kill me thinking they are the end-all, be-all and the only source of happiness.

*walks away muttering*

10 Things I hate about your driving...

So we're still experiencing the "Blizzard of 2010", as they've coined it on the news. I ventured out yesterday to go to the office to get some documents and do payroll and almost killed my car. Literally. One of my headlights was hanging out when I got where I was going. WTF? The roads are horrible. At any rate, since I was out in the mania, I wanted to share some of my BIGGEST driver pet peeves.

1. Clean off the top of your damn car. Yes, YOU. I don't really care if you drive a truck, I don't really care if you're short, and no...I don't care if you were in a rush. It all boils down to being lazy and selfish. So you want to endanger MY life because you are in a hurry and didn't get up on time? You want to hamper MY ability to see because you didn't invest in a step-ladder but drive a Hummer? So I need to be subjected to big blocks of ice and snow hitting my windshield or hurling towards me at 65 miles per hour (since I never, EVER go over the posted speed limit *halo*)? I cry bullisht. I wish they would ticket these selfish bamas when they see them. UGHH, nothing infuriates me more.

2. Why do you sit with your blinker on and wait 20 minutes for a parking space? I parked further away yes, but I'm already in the store with a buggy and you're still sitting there with your blinker on. You suck.

3. Ever want to know exactly how long a split-second is? It's the time between the light turning green and the person behind you honking. You impatient so-n-so. Can I get MY foot off the brake? Can I look both ways first? Do you see the pedestrian walking in front of my car? WTH are you honking at me? Do you realize that makes me want to put my car in park and sit there...just to annoy you? Ugh.

4. I really like when you bob and weave and speed off into traffic and then we end up at the same traffic light. That smile that I give you, you aren't quite sure what it means, lemme explain it. That's my "You are such an idiot, good luck with your gas consumption" smile. Why are you gunning it in the city anyway? You've never heard of "stop and go" traffic? That means you're not on the highway genius. Get it together.

5. I'm not an aggressive driver, but what I CAN'T stand is a bully. I don't care if you ride out the merge lane, if there are no cars behind me and I think you're trying to muscle your way in front of me...10 times out of 9 I won't let you in. Sue me. It gives me pleasure. *shrug* You should have merged like the rest of us. Your dumb@ss would rather ride the shoulder and MAKE somebody let you over? Good luck with that.

6. Don't block the box. I was stopped at a light close to a fire station and I was the last car in front of the "box". Some jerk decided to pull up into the box and then honk so that we would all inch up close to each other so they wouldn't be in the box. Are you serious? No. I'm not moving. Unless a fire siren goes off, you're going to sit there. And I'm going to pray for a cop to come by and ticket you. You dork. So because YOU pulled up farther than you should have, you want me to tailgate the car in front of me? No.

7. Why don't you pull up to the first pump at the gas station? Do you think you're the only person in the universe that needs to get gas? So now I gotta do all kinds of 3-point turns and parallel parking and crap just to maneuver into an open pump because YOU are inconsiderate. You are probably the same person who is...


8. Smoking at the pump. *sigh* Just because you have a death wish and don't think life is worth living, why do you feel the need to endanger us all? You have a lit cigarette and are talking on the phone while pumping your gas at the second pump. I wish I could legally mollywop you.

9. You can't park. Those little white or yellow lines in the parking lot are not for decoration. They aren't suggested guidelines. If one or more of your wheels are on/over the lines...you need to pull out and start over. I'm a big girl, I don't want to have to do the snake to get into my car because you parked too close to me. Thanks.

10. If you're so close to me that I look in my rearview and can't see what kind of car you're driving...back the truck up!!!!

Eargasm Vol. 2

I LOVE Adele. There is this quiet confidence about her, and I love her soulful, raspy voice. I also love that she's a curvy chick and she embraces it. I know it's hard in "real" life for plus-sized women, and in the entertainment industry, the pressure is probably increased exponentially.

Many, many artists have remade this song, but her version of this classic song is my favorite EVER. I believe one day I sat and listened to this song about 15 times in a row. I've been there before, so sure about loving someone and wanting to somehow make them FEEL it. Yeah. Anyway, enjoy!



Lyrics:

When the rain is blowing in your face,
And the whole world is on your case,
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love.

When the evening shadows and the stars appear,
And there is no one there to dry your tears,
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love.

I know you haven't made your mind up yet,
But I would never do you wrong.
I've known it from the moment that we met,
No doubt in my mind where you belong.

I'd go hungry; I'd go black and blue,
I'd go crawling down the avenue.
No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love.

The storms are raging on the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret.
Though winds of change are throwing wild and free,
You ain't seen nothing like me yet.

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true.
Nothing that I wouldn't do.
Go to the ends of the Earth for you,
To make you feel my love

Eargasm Vol. 1

So Corinne Bailey Rae is my friend...in my head. She just seems like she would be someone that would be so cool to be around and just sit back and shoot the breeze. She seems like a sweet soul. When her husband died, I felt so bad for her, like I should call and check on her, or send a card, lol. I'm glad to see she's back on the scene, here is one of my favorite songs from her. Enjoy.



Lyrics:

I know what I said
Was heat of the moment
But there's a little truth in between the words we've spoken
Its a little late now to fix a heart that's broken
Please don't ask me where I'm going
Cause I don't know
No I don't know...anymore

It used to feel like heaven
Used to feel like May
I used to hear those violins playing heart strings like a symphony
Now they've gone away
Nobody wants to face the truth
But you wont believe what love can do
Till it happens to you
Till it happens to you

Went to the old flat
Guess I was trying to turn the clock back
But how come that nothing feels the same now when I'm with you
We used to stay up all night in the kitchen
When our love was new
Oooh love am I a fool to believe in you?
Cause I don't know
No I don't know
Anymore

It used to feel like heaven
It used to feel like May
I used to hear those violins playing heart strings like a symphony
Now they've gone away
Nobody wants to face the truth
Until their hearts broken
Don't you dare tell them
What you think to do
Till they get over
You can only learn these things
From experience
When you get older
I just wish that someone would have told me

Till it happens to you
Till it happens to you
Till it happens to you

Clearly speaking

I love the words clear and clearly and say them often.

"Cleary, what I meant was..."

"Are we clear?"

"I don't know how to be more clear"

"Just so we're clear..."

and the ever Presidential "Let me be clear..."


Don't judge me. :)

10 Items or Less

I hate grocery shopping. Yeah, I'm a fat girl, but I truly, TRULY hate grocery shopping. If I weren't so anal about my products, I really would have Peapod deliver my isht. Alas, I don't trust other people to pick out the perfect avocado. An over-ripe avocado just won't do. SMH

We're expecting a snowstorm this weekend. "Of epic proportions." At least that's what they said on the news. I'm pretty much over it and ready to move on to Spring. Anyway, there is something about the mid-atlantic area that causes people to run to the nearest grocery store with crumbled currency in hand in a sheer panic. And it never fails, I always get caught in the middle of it. It's not because I've fallen for the "milk, bread, bottled water and toilet paper" foolishness, but because I seriously wait until THE last minute to go grocery shopping. I'd rather shop the food aisle at Target, that way I could push my cart through the home section and daydream about pretty dining room settings and new bedding and such.

But I digress.

Tonight, I found myself in the market again. Why? Because I had a REALLY strong craving for some fried catfish. I'd convinced myself all day that the weekend would just be shot to hell if I couldn't make some fried catfish and cheese grits. SMH As I stood in the "express" line for upwards of 30 minutes, I compiled a list of things that bother me so about the supermarket.

1). Rude cashiers that don't greet you when they start ringing you up. I'm sorry Boomquisha that you came to work and thought you were going to file your nails all day. I'm sorry that you have to stop texting your Boo for a few minutes while you ring me up. I actually WOULD prefer to ring myself up in the self-service line, but all your self-service machines are broken. Which leads me to my next point...

2). Self-checkout lanes that don't work. You got three checkout lanes, one only accepts cash, one that doesn't ring produce and the third one is out of paper. Get it together.

3). People who wander aimlessly through the supermarket aisles mumbling. "Where's the water? I wonder what aisle the water is..." and they make eye contact with you as if you're their guardian supermarket angel sent to show them to the Dasani. Ugh.

4). Customers who ask you where stuff is. Why do I look like I know what aisle the yeast is on? Seriously, this lady asked me that in the store tonite. I was picking up some breading for my catfish (insert cheesey grin here) and she's wandering down the aisle and asks me where the yeast is. Then she says "Well it usually comes in packets, why isn't it in this aisle? That would make sense, right?" Clearly you know more about the yeast than I do Lady. Honestly, I don't ever remember buying yeast, so I can't help you. Why do people want to talk to me all the time?

5). Sticky floors.

6). "Do you work here?" UGHHHH What part of me having on a coat, scarf, hat, purse and having one hand on a buggy makes you think I work here?

7). People who are impatient. I have a lot of annoyances at the market, but I ALWAYS take my patience with me. Why? Because a large part of the population is stupid and will no-doubtedly do something stupid during my trip. My blood pressure wouldn't be able to stand it. I recently watched a man curse a woman out in Shoppers because she had 11 items in the 10 items or less express lane. Tragic.

8). People who try to stage uprisings while in long lines. "Ya'll ain't got nobody working today?" As they turn to anyone who will listen in hopes that they will start complaining too. Just shut up so I can buy my Cheerios in peace.

9). The fact that 10 times out of 9, even if I go with a list and stick to it religiously, I will no doubt forget something. OR, I'll get home to put groceries away and realize I've double purchased something. Hate it.

10). People that have no sense of their surroundings. They stop in the middle of the aisle, walk into you with their buggy, stand there and read the labels with themselves and their buggies blocking your path. Do you not realize that, contrary to popular belief, this is NOT your world? Come on...MOVE IBTCH, GET OUT THE WAY!!!!!

Ugh...lemme go get some wine.

Random Acts of Mediocrity, Vol. 1

So I'm the Office Manager (read=HR/Admin/AP/AR/Purchasing/Gimme money for soda/Remind me to eat lunch/Remind me to pick up my kids after soccer practice/It's my wife's birthday can you order flowers/Copier jammer fixer/toilet paper roll replacer/hit up Costco because we're out of silverware/and other duties as assigned...but I digress) for my company and of course, one of my duties is to recruit and process new staff.

We have a contract that officially starts on March 1 and we hired about 8 new employees to staff that contract. The guys start on Monday so that they can familiarize themselves with their new duties. Okay. The project is going to be performed in a building, on a military base, and that building is operated and secured by US Secret Service. Still with me? Okay. Since this is a contract position, I issued all of these new employees offer letters that clearly state that their offer is contingent on 4 things, one of which was a successful Secret Service background check. I brought all of the new staff in for a meeting last week and had them sign off on their releases for SS to conduct said background check. Now normally, I conduct my own, but in this case I know that SS bgc will be far more thorough than anything I would pull, so I just left it alone.

I had every reason to think that all of my guys would be fine. On their applications, a few of them had a few "colorful incidents", but none of them were major that they wouldn't pass the SS bgc, in my experience. So we forge ahead. On the release forms we provided last week, there is a trick question.

"Have you ever been arrested?"

Yeah, now I know that might throw some people and maybe cause a little confusion (insert *side-eye*) but I had faith that my new staff would all understand the question and answer accordingly.

Clearly, I over-estimate my brothers.

Today I got a call from a Secret Service rep and she (though she sounded like a man, it has been confirmed that she is, indeed, of female persuasion) said in a gruff voice "Mr. X has a violent felony...can't use him, gotta find somebody else."

I.

Am.

Livid.

Anybody that knows me KNOWS that I will go to war for one of my guys, pretty much against anyone, including my boss...so for me to get that call when I ASKED you simply..."Have you ever been arrested?" And you say "NO"...I'm pissed.

I'm pissed off to the highest point of pisstivity.

So, needless to say, he failed one of his contingencies and I must now rescind his offer.

Tricky.

Not for me, but for him. See, he decided to be colored when he got the job offer. Instead of putting in 2 weeks notice, he decided "Eff it, I'm just gonna work out the week and then tell them to KMA (with me?)" Sooooo...now it's Wednesday, you ain't got no job, and you ain't got isht to do Craig!!!

My question is, HTF you gonna KNOW you have a violent felony on your record and knowingly take a job that requires a SECRET SERVICE background check? Even if you did this, why not wait until the BGC came back? So now you just lost your $80K job and you sitting there with your eyes watering saying "Ms. PJ, it ain't nothing you can do man? I need my job!" Pligga Nease. You shoulda thought about that before lying on your application and release form.

Now I sat there for a cool hour trying to write his "you know you dun fugged up right" letter, and for the life of me I couldn't come up with much more than:

Mr. X

Youse a dumbass. I hope you can get your old job back.

A good friend of mine came up with:

Dr. Violent Felon,

On That One Day, 2010, we offered you the Job Title position with This Company. This offer was contingent on the outcome of your background check. Although you informed us you had never been arrested, your background check shows that you have a violent felony on your record. It is for this reason that I have to rescind our previous offer. I apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you. Being honest up-front may prevent your simple azz this type of embarrassment in the future. Good luck in all of your endeavors.

Signed,

Non-Violent Non-Violent

HA!!!

Once I got my giggles in, I wrote him a nice "form letter" and kept it moving. I can't be bothered with such negroidian behavior anyway.

Psst...

Hey Big Daddy, lemme holla at you for a minute. It won't take long...how much time you got? What you in the mood for this evening? I got what you need right here.

Want some ecstasy?

I got you.

A taste for little bit of needy? Got that too.

You had a rough day, and want a little empathy?

Ooooh, you got the right. one. baby. Uh huh.

See I'm a pimp, and I pimp out my feelings on a regular...just for a little attention. Don't look at me like that Papi, everybody got a little attention-whore in 'em, even you! The question is, how far would you go to get that itch scratched? I bet you ain't no chick that could boost your ego like me baby. Does she stroke it like I do? I know exactly where it feels good baby. I got what you need. You need a little desire, well you have come to the right place. I will desire you all you want baby, just give me a little attention. That's all I need baby, how much time you got?

Cuz I'm a pimp, and if you're paying the right amount of attention, my feelings are all yours. You wanna hurt somebody baby? Here's my ego. Want to show somebody who's boss? Here's my shame. Or do you like to be on the "receiving" end? I won't judge. I'll just say this. My feelings of disappointment and regret are TOP-notch. It will have you feeling worthless in no time flat. I could even throw in a little guilt-job free of charge. Just gimme some attention baby, how much time you got?

Do you really want to know??

Do you really want to know what I'm thinking when you ask? Do you want the politically correct, nice girl answer?

What if I'm angry? Do you want to know my innermost bitchy thoughts?

What if I'm not praising you? Do you really want to know that I think you annoy me at times?

Do you really want my opinion?

If what I'm thinking might hurt you, would you rather me keep it to myself?

If I'm still in the midst of processing how I feel, do you want the rough draft? What if my rough draft isn't palatable for you? Will you look at me different if my honesty stings you?

Would you rather hear a bitter truth or a sweet lie? Will you punish me for a differing opinion?

If I don't agree with you, will you dismiss all of what I have to say? Will you no longer want to be my friend?

Doesn't friendship mean that we don't always agree, but are always honest with one another?

Will you look at me with disdain when you realize that what I'm thinking isn't always beautiful?

Do you ask me my opinion because you want a co-signer?

Did you actually listen to what I said or did you tune me out while preparing your rebuttal?

Do you really want to know what I'm thinking? I mean...really.

What ever happened to the "Good Girl"? Where has she gone?*

*Not my words.

So yesterday a friend of mine posted this as his FB status message. At first read, I felt a little indignant because this is someone that I love and actually dated for a bit, so I'm like "Huh? What is he trying to say?" I felt like it was a dismissal of me and any other good "girl" in his life. I felt invisible. So I and several of his other friends exchanged a little witty banter about the subject, but it all boils down to the fact that sometimes, in life, the good "girl" or "boy" is looked over.

Outside of the movies, the good girl might not have the perfect body or perfect hair and makeup or a flashy wardrobe. The good girl might not always come from the best family and volunteer on her off-days or be a member of an elite sorority. She might not come with recommendations and at first glance, maybe your homeboys might not be racing you down to "holla". The good guy might not always have the chiseled abs and perfect teeth and fat bank account. He may not drive a flashy car or have the latest gadgets or threads and he might not necessarily be a heart-throb. Does that mean they don't exist?

The issue is that for a lot of men (and women), we don't recognize the "good" in people until we are ready to settle down and make a lifelong commitment. When we're ready to do that, all of a sudden, her hair and makeup isn't so important. Then you decide that her ability to keep a nice home and be a good mother is what comes into play. When they decide they want a wife, it doesn't much matter than the "boys" aren't necessarily checking for her, in actuality, you would prefer that they didn't look at her in that way. When you're dating and having fun, you want a freak. But when you're all freaked out and want love...you look for the good girl, but then you realize your perception is all skewed. Then you need to sit back and re-evaluate what is important to you. This is not just for men, women...even ME (yes me, lol) are guilty of this.

There is no shortage of good women and men out there, the question is whether or not you're even checking for them. The qualities that are important to you change as you grow older and wiser and as your experiences change. So I think the question is shouldn't be, "what happened to the good girls/good guys?" But more..."Am I ready for her/him" and if I am, what am I doing to attract them?

All the single ladies...

Interesting article (I'll edit with my comments):

Friends Vs. Girlfriends — As Men See It
By Stuart McDonald
September 29, 2009 10:56 am



Note: The views and opinions expressed herein may not be logical and/or follow any sound reasoning whatsoever. I want to attempt to help the ladies understand how most men view relationships. There are, of course, always exceptions, but ladies, understanding what I’m about to say could make your life drastically easier in the long run.

When it comes to relationships, most men, myself included, have two categories for women: you’re either a friend or you’re a girlfriend. If you’re not a girlfriend, you’re a friend. Yes, it’s really that simple. Granted, you may have different “varieties” of friends — you may have a “recreation buddy,” who’s into the same stuff you are and y’all just hang out a lot; you may have a “friend with benefits,” who is really a friend, but will give you all the physical benefits of a relationship without any of the emotional attachment. Depending on the man, he may have more varieties, but at the end of the day, they’re still under the “friends” umbrella.

If you’re a friend, we may be attracted to you, feeling to you, or crushing on you, but until we TELL you something, you’re still just a friend. We may hang out on the regular and talk frequently but unless we have stated our intentions, you’d be best to avoid thinking that there are any desires to pursue a relationship.

Do actions speak louder than words? In most cases, yes. In the case where you think we’re your boyfriend, but we’ve never verbalized the desire to be, no, actions do not speak louder than words. Our silence should say all you need to know. Sometimes one’s silence on an issue is more powerful than any words could be. This is one of those times.

If we don’t tell you that we’re interested in or attracted to you, you’d be best served by not getting too emotionally invested. Why? Because men, just like women, have a tendency to flirt. It’s easy to act like you’re in a relationship: you hang out, talk, hug, kiss, flirt, touch, cuddle, etc. And not only is it easy, but it’s fun! Who doesn’t like to have fun? What’s not easy is this: being honest, laying your feelings on the table and actually committing to be in a relationship!

When we want a relationship with you; when we want more than a friendship, you’ll know. There will be no “maybe” floating around in your head; no second guessing anything. You will unequivocally know. How will you know? Because we will say something! What a revolutionary, mind blowing thought! The blog, 5 Mistakes Women Make, that elaborates on how men act in this regard:

When we are crazy about a woman, we are no longer the reserved and non emotional creatures you think we are. We become a mess – drooling internally when we think of you. We would never want you to feel you are on shaky ground concerning your status with us. We will publicly profess and show you to the whole world. We will put up a picture with you in it as the our profile pic, tag you in all photos you appear in and most importantly make sure that our status box shows that we are in a relationship with you. Yup, that’s what we do when we love you – we say it out LOUD! And when we are out and about with you, our professions are usually crystal clear: ‘Meet my girlfriend, Sandra’ or ‘Meet my fiance, Sandra.’ Not, ‘Meet Sandra’ who is Sandra??? When we love you, we want the world to know that we love you.

I’ll leave you with one more example. Have you ever heard of a woman assuming that she and her man were engaged or married? Of course not. Why? Because in order to take that step into the lifelong commitment that is marriage, men say something. In fact, not only do they say something when they get engaged, but at the wedding, the vows, while a symbolic ritual, are also necessary because they are part of the legally binding agreement of marriage. Just as you can’t “accidentally” enter into marriage, entering a relationship should be the same way.

Ladies, it boils down to this: Regardless of what he does and the way he acts towards you, what he says will mean more. If you have to force the question of “What are we doing in this relationship?” that’s not always a bad thing. Sometimes men just get absent minded and don’t think about such things. Sometimes. On the other side, if you continually allow yourself to be in friendships with no titles, men will see that and will take advantage of it. You will only be treated as well as you require.

Now, this concept seems simple enough, but somehow it so often gets twisted. What do you think? Guys, do you think this way? Ladies, what is it about this concept that makes it so complex & misunderstood?

[For more from Stuart McDonald, check out his personal blog and follow him on Twitter]



Read more: http://elev8.com/daily-offerings/rel...#ixzz0eInCvRCa

You so fine...you make my liver quiver...

How important is physical attraction in a relationship?

Is one shallow if they connect or vibe with someone but aren't feeling them on a physical level for whatever reason? Is it possible to meet someone who is/could potentially be your soulmate, but they just don't "do it" for you physically...whether it be because they lack a certain quality or posses a certain quality? Just how important is it to be attracted to your mate? What if you are attracted to their mind? Is that all that counts? Would you hide your hesitations and pursue anyway? Is it possible to have a relationship where looks, attraction, size, appearance just doesn't matter? If you don't think it's possible for you, are you less "enlightened"?

Clearly, I have more questions than answers...