Getting to know me...

So since we’re just meeting, let’s get to know each other a bit…shall we? I find that learning random facts about a person is a good way to break the ice. Let’s try it!

1)-I like to use acronyms. Hopefully you speak PJ, if not...just smile and nod, mmkay? My favorite ones are:
GTFOOH- Get the **** out of here
YHGTBKM- You have GOT to be kidding me
STHUTTM- Shut the hell up talking/typing to me

2) I can’t stand used tape. There is something about the dirt on the adhesive just freaks me out.

3) I can't sleep with my closet door open.

4) When I was younger, I snuck into the living room while my older cousins were watching "Nightmare on Elm Street". It was the one where the dude got sucked into the middle of the bed and then the bed started spouting all kinds of gooey isht. I was FREAKED TFO (that's PJ speak, I'm sure you can figure that one out).
I was scared to sleep in the middle of the bed until high school, lol. I always had a queen-size bed and my mom would come in my room and be like "Why you always sleep on the edge of the bed?" SMH Tragic.

5) I was once bit by a brown recluse spider and almost died. Thus, I have an irrational fear of spiders. Seriously. I will hyperventilate at the sight of a daddy long legs (which we ALL know aren't harmful). It's a sad situation.

6) I'm a reality health show junkie. Any type of medical, emergency, trauma, 'I didn't know I had a tumor and was pregnant with my twin and I died and came back to life' show will keep me enthralled for hours.

7) I did well in English, but I haven't taken an English class in years. Occasionally I mispell things and use improper punctuation and don't quite cite things the way I should but I figure that if I get my point across then folks will be okay because sometimes I feel like typing exactly how my train of thought is going and I really could give a damn if it's a run-on sentence like now I know I'm missing punctuation, but you're still reading so screw it...cuz I'm smart S-M-R-T!!!! (a la Homer Simpson) LOL, no really, I'm not that bad.

8) I have an uncanny ability to soothe babies and put them to sleep. I think it's the boobage. WMEs are what I like to call them. Weapons of Mass Exhaustion...for babies that is, and some men too, don't judge me.

9) I'm an extremely patient person, but my tolerance for stupidity is next to nil. My facial expressions are priceless when I get annoyed, or so I've been told.

10) Monkey-ass is one of the greatest insults ever. It makes me giggle. I like to giggle, lol. It's so simple and succint. "If you don't sit your monkey-ass down somewhere." One who heard that phrase would immediately sit said monkey-ass down, don't ya think?

11) I think Facebook is evil and addictive, kind of like Walmart. You go to walmart to buy one thing and end up in there for an hour and come out with all kinds of isht you don't need like motor oil because it was 2/$1.00. WTF? I don't even put my own oil in the car? WHY did I come in here for candlelights and leave with motor oil, a car mat, tuna fish and a welcome mat? *True Story* EVERYDAY I see something on FB that makes me shake my head, but I keep coming back. I'm some sort of masochist.

12) I'm lightweight addicted to updating my FB status. Sometimes I have to consciously stop myself from updating it. And my friends are a bunch on enablers. They LOL and IKTR (i know that's right...keep up) me all day. I guess they like me or something. *shrugs*

13) I tried Twitter once. I created an account and logged on, logged off about 30 seconds later and was like eff it...that was like a year ago. The funny thing is that I still get periodic emails saying "Brenda S. is now following you" huh? Following me where? I've never posted anything. WTF are you following me? Who are you Brenda S.? Nah, I don't twit, tweet none of that.

14) I'm very single. I tried a stint at online dating, ehhhh, I can do without the whole process. It feels like filling out a job application or completing a self-appraisal at work. I mean, I'm well aware of my best qualities, but how can you sum up yourself and your intentions in 500 characters or less? I'm verbose. Long-winded. Talkative. Wordy as hell. It takes me 500 characters to tell you what I wore to work today. SMH I once signed on to e-harmony because I heard good things about it. They have too many damn questions. I was on screen 5 of like 400 and was just like "eff it, I'll go buy some cats" and logged off. SMH Why is it so hard? That's a blog for another day.

15) I realize that one of my random thoughts said I was very patient and then I revealed that I didn't have patience to learn twitter or fill out an e-harmony application. Since I'm contradicting myself, lemme add that I have never finished a KSA for a government job (those things are sent from hell), I also don't have the patience to learn new phones. I get frustrated and will just leave it alone until I feel like dealing with it. I just thought that if I was going to contradict myself I'd be thorough about it.

16) My nose itches when I eat sunflower seeds. WTH?

17) All of my favorite male singers are little men. With the exception of a few, they are all TDs (titty dusters) or borderline at least. I think little men try harder, thus are better entertainers, lol. Anthony Hamilton, Raheem Devaughn, John Legend (not sure how short he is, but he has a little man persona), Musiq, Dwele, Stokely (Mint Condition-My most FAVORITEST BAND EVER!!!), etc.

18) I'm new to this blogging thing, but I figure if I can email randomness all day and update my FB status like it's a religious requirement I can give this a go, right? We'll go on this journey together.

19) I'm a really sweet person, but I'm a tad (read=helluva lot) sarcastic. It would probably behoove (I love that word) you to bring your sense of humor when you come "see" me, it's really just all jokes...usually.

20) I like ellipses...and parenthesis, I feel like they help me get my point across. Please don't go all English teacher on me when I OD on either.

Nice to meet you. :)