Hi!!! Welcome to Shoppers!!

So, you all know my disdain for grocery shopping, and today, I'll give you reason #363 why I need my own personal grocer.

I had to get 3 times for dinner tonight: honey, a lime, and red pepper flakes. I got out of my car at 5:00p and was in the express check-out line at 5:08. GREAT TIME! For once, I'll be visiting the grocery store (in PG county) without having a story to tell. Wrong.

As I approached the register, I noticed the pungent aroma of marijuana (doesn't matter how I know). I thought to myself "Wow, someone took 'Happy Hour' to another level", but I minded my business. As the person in front of the person in front of me (still with me?) left, I expected the chick in front of me to move up beyond the belt. She didn't. She stood there leaning over the belt to where I couldn't put my items on the belt. When he gave her the total, she looked up and was like "I'm sorry, can you take her first? I just can't" and slumped over the belt. The teenage cashier looked at me like WTF? And the nice person in me asked "Are you okay?" She said "I just feel like I'm gonna faint. I can't do it. Is there somewhere I can sit down?" So the cashier, in typical poor customer service fashion, sighed and pointed to a bench. She was like "I can't make it" So he comes around the register and looks at me and mouths "What do I do?"

*blankstare*

What part of my wallet in my hand and me putting items on the belt made him feel like he should direct that question to me...I dunno, but I grabbed one of her arms and he grabbed the other and we proceeded to walk her to the bench (which was like 5 aisles over and hidden by a display). Everyone is looking at us like WTF? And security stood at the door and watched. He didn't budge, didn't look concerned, didn't look like he was processing what his role should be in the situation, he just watched the show. We got about 2 steps from the bench and chick's knees buckled. Did I mention the chick had ME by about 20-30lbs?

*press pause*

I was in nursing school, and one of the things they teach you in your lecture and clinical courses is that there is a RIGHT way to let a "patient" fall. I knew exactly how to let someone slide down your leg to avoid injury to both yourself and your patient, but never in nursing school did they teach me how to let someone fall while holding a purse, a wallet, and red pepper flakes. Never.

*press play*

So I did what most people would do. I let go. I mean, I wasn't going down WITH her. She got herself up and on the bench and only then did security make his way over. Meanwhile, I and the cashier walk back over to the not-so-express lane. As he started ringing my items, he looks at me like it was his first time meeting me and says..."Hi, Welcome to Shoppers!"


Why come I can never have an uneventful shopping trip?