10 Items or Less

I hate grocery shopping. Yeah, I'm a fat girl, but I truly, TRULY hate grocery shopping. If I weren't so anal about my products, I really would have Peapod deliver my isht. Alas, I don't trust other people to pick out the perfect avocado. An over-ripe avocado just won't do. SMH

We're expecting a snowstorm this weekend. "Of epic proportions." At least that's what they said on the news. I'm pretty much over it and ready to move on to Spring. Anyway, there is something about the mid-atlantic area that causes people to run to the nearest grocery store with crumbled currency in hand in a sheer panic. And it never fails, I always get caught in the middle of it. It's not because I've fallen for the "milk, bread, bottled water and toilet paper" foolishness, but because I seriously wait until THE last minute to go grocery shopping. I'd rather shop the food aisle at Target, that way I could push my cart through the home section and daydream about pretty dining room settings and new bedding and such.

But I digress.

Tonight, I found myself in the market again. Why? Because I had a REALLY strong craving for some fried catfish. I'd convinced myself all day that the weekend would just be shot to hell if I couldn't make some fried catfish and cheese grits. SMH As I stood in the "express" line for upwards of 30 minutes, I compiled a list of things that bother me so about the supermarket.

1). Rude cashiers that don't greet you when they start ringing you up. I'm sorry Boomquisha that you came to work and thought you were going to file your nails all day. I'm sorry that you have to stop texting your Boo for a few minutes while you ring me up. I actually WOULD prefer to ring myself up in the self-service line, but all your self-service machines are broken. Which leads me to my next point...

2). Self-checkout lanes that don't work. You got three checkout lanes, one only accepts cash, one that doesn't ring produce and the third one is out of paper. Get it together.

3). People who wander aimlessly through the supermarket aisles mumbling. "Where's the water? I wonder what aisle the water is..." and they make eye contact with you as if you're their guardian supermarket angel sent to show them to the Dasani. Ugh.

4). Customers who ask you where stuff is. Why do I look like I know what aisle the yeast is on? Seriously, this lady asked me that in the store tonite. I was picking up some breading for my catfish (insert cheesey grin here) and she's wandering down the aisle and asks me where the yeast is. Then she says "Well it usually comes in packets, why isn't it in this aisle? That would make sense, right?" Clearly you know more about the yeast than I do Lady. Honestly, I don't ever remember buying yeast, so I can't help you. Why do people want to talk to me all the time?

5). Sticky floors.

6). "Do you work here?" UGHHHH What part of me having on a coat, scarf, hat, purse and having one hand on a buggy makes you think I work here?

7). People who are impatient. I have a lot of annoyances at the market, but I ALWAYS take my patience with me. Why? Because a large part of the population is stupid and will no-doubtedly do something stupid during my trip. My blood pressure wouldn't be able to stand it. I recently watched a man curse a woman out in Shoppers because she had 11 items in the 10 items or less express lane. Tragic.

8). People who try to stage uprisings while in long lines. "Ya'll ain't got nobody working today?" As they turn to anyone who will listen in hopes that they will start complaining too. Just shut up so I can buy my Cheerios in peace.

9). The fact that 10 times out of 9, even if I go with a list and stick to it religiously, I will no doubt forget something. OR, I'll get home to put groceries away and realize I've double purchased something. Hate it.

10). People that have no sense of their surroundings. They stop in the middle of the aisle, walk into you with their buggy, stand there and read the labels with themselves and their buggies blocking your path. Do you not realize that, contrary to popular belief, this is NOT your world? Come on...MOVE IBTCH, GET OUT THE WAY!!!!!

Ugh...lemme go get some wine.