Secret Single Behavior

So if you're an avid SATC fan, you will remember the episode where Carrie talked about Secret Single Behavior that every woman has that we become embarassed about when we invite someone else into our space. I had another example of it last night and of course my first inclination was to blog about it.

My home-dude (don't ask for any clarification on that, because it really is as complicated as it seems...4-5 years later) comes over periodically and raids my fridge. Well, I usually invite him over if I cook, but mostly, he trolls for snacks. Last night, he was here and I told him there was some guacamole in the fridge and he went in...then said something like "Babe, I think this guac is going bad" and I realized he'd grabbed the wrong bowl. I yelled from the other room "Don't eat it! That's the wrong bowl! That's henna...for my hair!" His response was "WTF?" He grabbed the right bowl and immediately started munching, but I cracked up inside thinking of how "wrong" that might have turned out. LOL

[sidebar] For those that don't know, here is a batch of freshly mixed henna



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Anyway, that made me think about all of the things I do as a single woman that lives alone that wouldn't fly if I was living with a mate. I can't just leave random hair concoctions in the fridge with no explanation. Likewise, he might look at me crazy as I slop the "baby poo looking" stuff in my hair and wrap it with saran wrap and plastic bags, line my pillows with a beach towel and sleep in it. He might give me a colossal side-eye if I came to bed smelling like fish food (which in my opinion is what henna smells like, fish food on acid). He might think I was an incontinent, trifling heffa if I left the papertowel with said "poo" substance on the side of the sink after I'd wiped from around my forehead and ears and the towel with the "poo" stains on it on the top of the laundry basket.

What about when I want to clean my pores with Biore strips? Will he look at me odd if I walked around and cooked dinner with my nose covered in paper tape? Because you know that's all those strips are...paper tape. Would he think I'm still sexy?

What about if I wore my boxer shorts with the hugemongous hole in them? The hole that is so big, sometimes I mistakenly put my foot through it when I put them on. Would he think I was messy? What if I explained that they were just THE most comfortable pair of boxers I own? I would never wear them if I knew he was coming over, but occassionally, I get out of the shower with the express intent to put those shorts and a ratty t-shirt on.

What about the days when all I want for dinner is cereal. Then I eat the cereal and decide to have a glass of wine...does that make me weird?

Or what about when AF is lurking and I make 50 million trips to the kitchen in search of snacks. When I stand in front of the fridge and cabinet knowing full-well everything that's in there because I bought it, but I still stand there, expecting for some wonderful combination of goodies to jump out at me and say "EAT ME PEEJAY!"

What about those days and weeks where I just don't feel like being bothered with TV and I just listen to music for days on end. When I sing to my heart's content and cry for no reason because the songs "moved me" and repeat the same song 10 times.

What about when I bring a folder chair into the bathroom as I do my facial cleansing, just so I can look in the mirror and sing to myself and tell myself how beautiful I am. Would he tell me to shut up and turn on the tv?

What about when I turn on the A/C only to curl up on the couch under a blanket to watch a movie? Would he yell for me wasting electricity? I don't do it often, but sometimes, just sometimes...it makes me happy.



What becomes of all my secret, single behavior when I find "the one"?

Footsteps in the dark...

So I've come to a conclusion. I'm not going to discuss any music anymore with anyone that I'm romantically involved with. Yeah...that's what I've decided. We can't listen to music together, don't take me to a concert, if we're in the car, let's listen to talk radio because music is like a sponge, that soaks up whatever memory you are experiencing and rings it out EVERY TIME you hear that song. At least that's how it is for me.

*long, dramatic sigh*

Of course I have a story about this, several actually...but I won't bore you with the details. I'll just say that listening to the Music Choice station today while I got some things done took me through a range of emotions from sadness to regret, from anger to joy, from lust to disgust, lol. It seemed as though every other song held some type of memory that gave me pause.

Why is it that music is the tie that binds the heart to the past, even when we think we've moved on? Why is it that just a beginning chord of a song can work those heart strings the way that it does? Have you ever had a situation where you had to catch yourself from getting caught up just because of the song you were listening to?

Speak on it...

So...

in the WTF news of the day, 70-year old Juliana Farrait (the wife of "American Gangster" Frank Lucas) was arrested in Puerto Rico for attempting to sell cocaine.

Damn homie. I guess Dope Dealing doesn't have a pension plan. *shrugs*

The BEST is yet to come!!!

So I am so excited and I thought I'd blog about it because...well, it's my blog, lol.

So some of you that read this know that I have a "side-hustle", and I haven't really been doing it like I want to, but I've been dabbling here and there. Anyway, last night we had a monthly meeting and one of our colleagues in the area was promoted as the first to make it to that particular level. Along with that promotion and recognition, there is also a $5,000 bonus. Do you know the President and Founder of the company presented her with an $11,000 check? *faint* Including the bonus, that was STRICTLY commission and residual earnings only for the month of April. $11K for ONE month? Mannnn, if that didn't light a fire under me to get moving, I don't know what will. I can't imagine what it would be like to bring in that kind of money doing something that I like and that seems so easy! Even the "meager" checks that they passed out were $1-5K. I really could use that money.

The thing is, I'm not much of a sales person. I've sold makeup and things like that, but I never really liked it because I don't like to "bother" people. I'm the type of person that will mention something to you if I think you'd like it, but I'm not a hard-pitch kind of person. I'm not the type of person that will walk up to a total stranger and try to get them to do a facial in the Shoppers parking lot, lol. Couldn't do it. But this is a fit for me. And it fits into my greater plan of financial responsibility and comfort. Riches/Wealth is wonderful, but I just want to be comfortable. I want to not be stressed. I want to wake up and do what *I* want, and not have to be worried about the fact that I'm doing something that does nothing to better myself or help anyone else...besides get them rich.

I'm on the course to finish my nursing degree, not because I want to make bookoo money, truth be told, when I first start out, I probably won't be making more than what I'm making right now, but at least I'll feel some type of fulfillment in my job. I want to have a purpose, I want to wake up and say "Wow, I get to do my job today", not "Damn, I gotta go to work."

I wanted to blog about it because I wanted to encourage you to think about what you like to do and see how you can make it profitable. I know so many crafty sisters that could make that into a business. Do you bake cakes? Make invitations? Make hair products? Motivate people into working out/lose weight? Do hair on the side? Write well? Do you blog? What do you love to do? Find those talents and see how you can monetize it. Find your niche. I have this opportunity and it is a good fit for me because it's fun and something *I* can see myself doing, and I will be successful with it because I believe in it. What do you believe in? What do you do for fun that can enhance your life?

Think about it...then do something about it!

Peace!!! :)

How do you see yourself?

When is the last time you looked at your naked self in the mirror? The other day my reflection caught me as I exited the shower and I stood there, mesmerized, and for about 20 minutes I twisted and turned, lifted my arms, moved my belly, and generally checked out my assets. I'm overweight, and while I want to reshape my body, in general, I think I'm beautiful...but I can't tell you the last time my eyes lingered on my naked body. There is something inherently beautiful about accepting yourself exactly the way you are. Not that you cease to strive to improve, but to look at yourself in the mirror with all your perceived faults and say "I'm a sexy MF'er" (or some variation of that, lol). I looked at myself and marveled at the fact that even though I'm carrying umpteen extra pounds, my body works...well. My arms are fleshy, but they are able to lift my Godson and hold him in the air while he squeals with delight. My tummy might be round, but it's a beautiful tan color and baby soft. I might have thunder thighs, but they are solid and shapely. My hips might be wide, but I know that when the time comes, they will be the gateway to bringing my future children into the world.

I used to wish I was shorter. I felt like big girls shouldn't also be tall, but now I relish it. In the words of the renowned poet and scholar Juvenile..."Youse a big fine woman", lol. Anyway, I didn't have some great epiphany while I stood there, but the fact that I stood there, butt-naked, no makeup, wearing a headscarf and shower cap and I looked at myself...and felt beautiful, well...that was a great feeling. I didn't have any feelings of disgust or "omg, how did you let yourself get like that" and nothing negative crossed my mind. I just appreciated my beautiful body and marveled at all of it's intricacies.

I encourage you to do the same. Whether you have your dream body or whether you think it needs a little work...love the YOU you are NOW. Forget about the video girls, and the magazine ideals of beauty. Forget about the people that think your body needs work. Forget about the disappointment you feel when you realize that your body doesn't look as good in certain clothes as you want or the weight isn't coming off as fast or consistent as you like. Appreciate your body for how it works, marvel in your beauty and look yourself in the eye and tell yourself how much you love you. I promise you won't get rejected. :)

...aaaannnd we're back.

It's been 2 months. TWO WHOLE MONTHS!! Where have I been? Around. *shrugs* I can't even come up with anything good. Only that I'm back, and I'll do better. You still love me?

:)