You can find me...

over at www.coloredgirlsblogging.com

I've started a new blog, and TWSS will continue on over there!! :)

See ya!

Countdown to 30. Volume 2-3

Yeah, so I'm already 30. (GO ME!!!!) My birthday was this past Monday and I was far too busy celebrating this weekend and this week to finish posting my random list. Nah, I'm just joking. I haven't been doing much of anything, but relaxing this week. I had a bit of computer trouble for a few days, but I digress.

Without further delay, more random thoughts:

11). I'm an email service provider snob. I had the same yahoo account from like 1993 until about 3-4 years ago. I LOVED my yahoo account, until I found gmail. Gmail trips sometimes, but it's like...perfect, lol. Every once in a while I get a resume from someone with a hotmail or live.com account and I admit that I turn my nose up a bit, lol. Even yahoo makes me roll my eyes a bit. Gmail is where it's at. :P

12). I've started to notice that 8 times out of 10, if someone cuts me off or does something idiotic in traffic AND they have any NFL paraphernalia on their car...they are a Dallas fan. LOL Dallas fans are so effing cocky. I find myself muttering "Damn Cowboy fans" at least once a week. YES, I realize this is a hugemongous generalization...but it's my blog so...

13). I have HORRIBLE luck with Comcast technicians. (Blog post to follow later.)

14). My father didn't get me a card for my birthday on Monday. I was quite disappointed. I mean, I wasn't expecting a gift, but I thought that he would have at least thought enough about it to give me a card on such a milestone birthday. Actually, neither of my parents did, but hey...it is what it is.

15). I came across a blog today that made me realize that things in my life that I want to complain about (like #14) aren't so important. www.jessicaliving.blogspot.com It may be a hard read for some, but it is definitely a lesson in never taking any of your loved ones for granted.

16). I can't stand "urban" commercials where "mainstream" companies try to appeal to an ethnic customer base by supposedly emulating what they think they want to see. They have black folk in there saying stuff like "You go girlfriend" all forced-like. Hate it. LOL

17). That being said...I friggin LOVE this commercial. ROFLOL!!!!!


It's totally genius and whoever came up with this marketing campaign needs a raise, lol.

18). Has anyone seen the preview for the new season of Project Runway? It seems a little "Dexter opening sequence" to me. And I LOVE Dexter, so I thought the preview was cool.

19). I need an interior designer. I have so many thoughts for how I want to decorate the condo and they are all blurring together. Blech. HGTV tends to do that to you. I LOVE Designed to Sell.

20). I like how my last few randoms were pretty much about tv, lol.

21). I really want some guacamole, but since it's well after 11pm, I should fall back. Sometimes I wish the kitchen (or at least the fridge and cupboards) came with one of those little invisible fences that you use to train dogs. If I got too close at the wrong time of day, it would just issue me a little electronic shock. Yeah...

22). Why do some FBers befriend celebrities, only to antagonize them at every turn? Like, why would you become a "fan" of something/someone you hold so much disdain for? Sometimes I see these people's posts and want to just yell/type GET A LIFE!!! Do you know how much energy it takes to follow someone around on the 'net telling them how much they suck? Especially when 10 times out of 9, the fan page for the celebrity or object probably is manned by some computer geek in pajamas sipping on a latte. *rolls eyes*

23). I think I want to take some culinary classes. I love watching Top Chef, Next Food Network Star and other cooking shows and it just makes me want to take my game to another level. I think I'm a pretty good cook, but I want the knowledge behind preparing the food that I eat.

24). I'm starting to think I should have just stuck to a 1-10 list, lol.

25). I have a minor crush on Clive Owen. Okay, it's a major crush, but there is just something about him.

26). My staycation is coming to an end. I can't believe it's almost Friday (it will be by the time this is posted). Funny how the week never flies by this quickly when I am at work.

27). Methinks I'm going to hit the pool tomorrow after my morning errands.

28). I'm having a gtg at my place this Saturday in celebration of my birthday. Honestly, it's not a birthday party, just a get together. We used to try to gather every month, but it's quickly becoming every few months now. At any rate, I love my friends and I can't wait!! Cupcakes and Cocktails...

29). I kind of wish I didn't have to go back to work. The first few days of vacation were a little boring. I felt like I should have been doing something more. One of my employees called me and gave his resignation, so I felt like I should be in the office to run point, but at some point on Wednesday, I just said "Eff it, I'm on vacation".

30) "Eff it, we on vacation" was our theme saying for the family cruise in 2007. The comedian (who did a family show, then an adults only show at midnight) came up with it during his act and we just ran with it. He was like "yeah, you and your wife will be in line at breakfast and a bartender will come by with some drinks of the day and you will say to your spouse "I shouldn't drink, it's 9 o'clock in the morning" then you pause and look at each other and say...UFCK IT, we on vacation!!!" LOL So everytime we would think of doing something out of the ordinary, we would say that. "just left the club at 3am and ya'll are going to eat pizza and ice cream? We have to get up by 6am to make our excursions but...oh hell, ufck it, we on vacation!" LOL

Countdown to 30. Volume I

So since a certain someone who shall remain nameless (*coughLMWPcough*) told me that I better get to blogging, I figured I would make a post before the weekend. I'm about to be staycationing like a mug and I canNOT WAIT!!! I don't have anything planned until next Saturday (Girl's Night In) and I am truly going to enjoy my week off and get settled in the new condo.

At any rate, I have been wondering what I was going to write about since yesterday and since my creativity is kinda jacked right now, I figured I would just give ya'll one of my infamous lists. Anyone who knows me well knows how much I love lists. Something about writing a list just automatically makes you feel productive, even if you AREN'T being productive, lol. I can count 3 lists in my immediate line of vision right now. There is the menu list for next Saturday, the to-do list for my Grandmother's 75th birthday party in September and a condo wish/to-do list for the new spot. You like how none of these lists are work-related, right? I digress...

I make lists for the grocery store...and then leave them at home. I make lists before vacation of things I want to pack and outfits I want to wear. I friggin love lists!!! They make me happy.

Today, in honor of my upcoming 30th birthday (Monday, July 19th...and I'll send you my paypal addy if you want to send a monetary donation to beautify PJ's condo LMAO I'm just joking...unless you were gonna do it. :-/), I will give you all a list of 30 random things (in three parts) that are on my mind. (My love of random facts is secondary only to my love of lists.)

In no particular order:

1). I just came back from a Staples run and saw a man riding a motorbike (not a motorcycle...the kind with the ledge in the ledge in the middle for your feet) wearing a white, long-sleeved dress shirt and a red and gray sweater vest. For real? You gonna mess around and have a heat stroke playa!

2). Target now has groceries. *angelssinging* As if Target wasn't my favorite store before, they have expanded their food section? Now you KNOW that made this fat girl squeal with glee. The first time I went in there and saw produce I was like "Why would I ever have to shop elsewhere?" I love Tarzhay.

3). As if I was wonderful at keeping up with this blog, I've just started another one (no posts yet) which will entail my journey to being a Maid of Honor in my friend's wedding next May. I make no promises. With work and school and my side-biz...yeah...

4). I'm on a conference call and I swear one of my Supervisors sounds like Uncle Ruckus. It makes me cringe to hear him speak in mixed company.

5). People who walk, talk, move slow annoy me. One of the chicks in my office walks slow and mumbles. When I see her coming I immediately get annoyed. Like put some pep in your step. Why everytime you say something to me I have to say "huh? what's that? Sorry?" Speak up!!! It just seems lazy to me.

6). I have a chair in my office, and since my office has a door and an opening (my boss is SOOO smart *rolls eyes* people can just walk in, sit down and start talking to me. It annoys me when I'm busy (whether with work or writing personal lists) so I've started piling items in the chair to prohibit people from sitting to converse with me. Why do people move the stuff out of the chair sometimes? I know the look on my face is priceless.

7). Send me some nice bridesmaid dress options for a plus-sized chick. Puhlease!!!? :)

8). Do you get offended by flabby arms? What about cellulite and stretch marks? I remember when I used to be deathly afraid of baring my arms because of the size of them. And while I do still get my bolero and shrug on, I've realized that...it's friggin' hot outside. If someone is offended by the sight of my flabby arms, they can remain offended. I'm not heatstrokin' for nobody. I'm sorry. There are certain outfits that I prefer to wear my arms covered with, but darnit, it's like my arms screamed GIVE US FREE like 2-3 years ago and I kinda stopped caring about what other people think. 10 times out of 9 they aren't even paying any attention to me and if they are, I'm sure that it's only a passing thought. So what?

9). There is a nice guy that I've been conversing with, but he does something that annoys the STEW out of me. He likes to "play" the "have you ever" game. You know where you are having a convo and he says "So, have you ever dated a guy that worked the hours that I do?" "Have you ever dated a guy that..." *sigh* Don't do that. I used to be one of those chicks who had a whole bunch of questions about the last chick you dated. "Have you ever dated a big girl?" "Have you ever dated someone that doesn't have her degree?" "Have you ever dated someone that you met online?" What I've come to realize and the reason why I don't get caught up in those types of convos is because I really don't give a f. I mean, so what if he did? Does that mean he's going to do it again? There are a lot of things I've done in the past that I won't do again. My past behavior in that respect doesn't indicate my future choices. Instead, I wish he would say things like "I would like it if we...", "How do you feel about the fact that I am...". To me, those are much more productive questions.

10). A heart convinced against it's will is of the same opinion still. Those "ties that bind" are a trip...

to be continued...

Random Acts of Mediocrity, Volume 2

Dear Blondie,

Why is it that you ask me like once a month how to check your voicemail? You have been here for about...4 months now, shouldn't you know this by now? The last time you asked me, the convo went like this:

Me: Take at look at the Cheat Sheet I gave you when you started.
Blondie: *goes in office, then comes back to my office* What's my password?
Me: *blankstare* Umm...did you change it from the default?
Her: No, because nobody ever calls and leaves me a message
Me: Umm, ok. How do you know? Is the red light blinking on your phone?
Her: Yeah, but that's always on

*pause for PJ throwing a tantrum*

Today you ask me "Do you remember my password?"
Me: *sigh* No. Did you change it from the default?
Her: No.
Me: Then try 999, then your extension, then #
Her: What's my extension?

I nearly blew a gasket. I realize you don't ever call yourself. I realize that most people who call for you call your company cell phone or call the operator and get tranferred, but HOW IN THE HAYLE do you work somewhere for almost FOUR MONTHS and not know your extension?

OMG!!!!!! *faint* You can't even be serious! If you ask me ONE. MORE. TIME. about your dayum voicemail, voicemail password, extension, or anything else that I've ALREADY TOLD YOU, I'm writing you up. I ain't even joking. I'm FAserious.

Beanie Man

I "met" beanie man on my lunch break. Yup, not to be confused with Beenie "Girls Dem Sugar" Man, this was Beanie Man. As in the dude driving a car with beanie babies and other random stuffed animals lining this rear window, front dash and hanging from the rear view mirror.

As I made the left turn, he was in opposing traffing and proceeded to honk his horn and whistle out the window and scream "Ayy Ayyy Aye MAMA!!!" *blankstare* For real? That's what's hot in the streets? You hollering at women in your Grandmama's Corolla? I vote No. Try your holla once you take the Beanie Bucket back. SMH

Where dey do that at? Even if he was driving a "normal" car, what did he expect to come of that situation? Was I supposed to be so impressed by his whistling skills and be compelled to pull over and wait for him to bust a U-turn to come talk to me? For real? We are endangering our lives for a holla now? We are in MOVING traffic, all you're doing by honking and whistling at me, is distracting me. What if I scare easily? Good gracious, sometimes I wonder how Earth got so populated, some folks are just clueless.

You Sir, are an idiot.

Secret Single Behavior

So if you're an avid SATC fan, you will remember the episode where Carrie talked about Secret Single Behavior that every woman has that we become embarassed about when we invite someone else into our space. I had another example of it last night and of course my first inclination was to blog about it.

My home-dude (don't ask for any clarification on that, because it really is as complicated as it seems...4-5 years later) comes over periodically and raids my fridge. Well, I usually invite him over if I cook, but mostly, he trolls for snacks. Last night, he was here and I told him there was some guacamole in the fridge and he went in...then said something like "Babe, I think this guac is going bad" and I realized he'd grabbed the wrong bowl. I yelled from the other room "Don't eat it! That's the wrong bowl! That's henna...for my hair!" His response was "WTF?" He grabbed the right bowl and immediately started munching, but I cracked up inside thinking of how "wrong" that might have turned out. LOL

[sidebar] For those that don't know, here is a batch of freshly mixed henna



[/endsidebar]

Anyway, that made me think about all of the things I do as a single woman that lives alone that wouldn't fly if I was living with a mate. I can't just leave random hair concoctions in the fridge with no explanation. Likewise, he might look at me crazy as I slop the "baby poo looking" stuff in my hair and wrap it with saran wrap and plastic bags, line my pillows with a beach towel and sleep in it. He might give me a colossal side-eye if I came to bed smelling like fish food (which in my opinion is what henna smells like, fish food on acid). He might think I was an incontinent, trifling heffa if I left the papertowel with said "poo" substance on the side of the sink after I'd wiped from around my forehead and ears and the towel with the "poo" stains on it on the top of the laundry basket.

What about when I want to clean my pores with Biore strips? Will he look at me odd if I walked around and cooked dinner with my nose covered in paper tape? Because you know that's all those strips are...paper tape. Would he think I'm still sexy?

What about if I wore my boxer shorts with the hugemongous hole in them? The hole that is so big, sometimes I mistakenly put my foot through it when I put them on. Would he think I was messy? What if I explained that they were just THE most comfortable pair of boxers I own? I would never wear them if I knew he was coming over, but occassionally, I get out of the shower with the express intent to put those shorts and a ratty t-shirt on.

What about the days when all I want for dinner is cereal. Then I eat the cereal and decide to have a glass of wine...does that make me weird?

Or what about when AF is lurking and I make 50 million trips to the kitchen in search of snacks. When I stand in front of the fridge and cabinet knowing full-well everything that's in there because I bought it, but I still stand there, expecting for some wonderful combination of goodies to jump out at me and say "EAT ME PEEJAY!"

What about those days and weeks where I just don't feel like being bothered with TV and I just listen to music for days on end. When I sing to my heart's content and cry for no reason because the songs "moved me" and repeat the same song 10 times.

What about when I bring a folder chair into the bathroom as I do my facial cleansing, just so I can look in the mirror and sing to myself and tell myself how beautiful I am. Would he tell me to shut up and turn on the tv?

What about when I turn on the A/C only to curl up on the couch under a blanket to watch a movie? Would he yell for me wasting electricity? I don't do it often, but sometimes, just sometimes...it makes me happy.



What becomes of all my secret, single behavior when I find "the one"?

Footsteps in the dark...

So I've come to a conclusion. I'm not going to discuss any music anymore with anyone that I'm romantically involved with. Yeah...that's what I've decided. We can't listen to music together, don't take me to a concert, if we're in the car, let's listen to talk radio because music is like a sponge, that soaks up whatever memory you are experiencing and rings it out EVERY TIME you hear that song. At least that's how it is for me.

*long, dramatic sigh*

Of course I have a story about this, several actually...but I won't bore you with the details. I'll just say that listening to the Music Choice station today while I got some things done took me through a range of emotions from sadness to regret, from anger to joy, from lust to disgust, lol. It seemed as though every other song held some type of memory that gave me pause.

Why is it that music is the tie that binds the heart to the past, even when we think we've moved on? Why is it that just a beginning chord of a song can work those heart strings the way that it does? Have you ever had a situation where you had to catch yourself from getting caught up just because of the song you were listening to?

Speak on it...

So...

in the WTF news of the day, 70-year old Juliana Farrait (the wife of "American Gangster" Frank Lucas) was arrested in Puerto Rico for attempting to sell cocaine.

Damn homie. I guess Dope Dealing doesn't have a pension plan. *shrugs*

The BEST is yet to come!!!

So I am so excited and I thought I'd blog about it because...well, it's my blog, lol.

So some of you that read this know that I have a "side-hustle", and I haven't really been doing it like I want to, but I've been dabbling here and there. Anyway, last night we had a monthly meeting and one of our colleagues in the area was promoted as the first to make it to that particular level. Along with that promotion and recognition, there is also a $5,000 bonus. Do you know the President and Founder of the company presented her with an $11,000 check? *faint* Including the bonus, that was STRICTLY commission and residual earnings only for the month of April. $11K for ONE month? Mannnn, if that didn't light a fire under me to get moving, I don't know what will. I can't imagine what it would be like to bring in that kind of money doing something that I like and that seems so easy! Even the "meager" checks that they passed out were $1-5K. I really could use that money.

The thing is, I'm not much of a sales person. I've sold makeup and things like that, but I never really liked it because I don't like to "bother" people. I'm the type of person that will mention something to you if I think you'd like it, but I'm not a hard-pitch kind of person. I'm not the type of person that will walk up to a total stranger and try to get them to do a facial in the Shoppers parking lot, lol. Couldn't do it. But this is a fit for me. And it fits into my greater plan of financial responsibility and comfort. Riches/Wealth is wonderful, but I just want to be comfortable. I want to not be stressed. I want to wake up and do what *I* want, and not have to be worried about the fact that I'm doing something that does nothing to better myself or help anyone else...besides get them rich.

I'm on the course to finish my nursing degree, not because I want to make bookoo money, truth be told, when I first start out, I probably won't be making more than what I'm making right now, but at least I'll feel some type of fulfillment in my job. I want to have a purpose, I want to wake up and say "Wow, I get to do my job today", not "Damn, I gotta go to work."

I wanted to blog about it because I wanted to encourage you to think about what you like to do and see how you can make it profitable. I know so many crafty sisters that could make that into a business. Do you bake cakes? Make invitations? Make hair products? Motivate people into working out/lose weight? Do hair on the side? Write well? Do you blog? What do you love to do? Find those talents and see how you can monetize it. Find your niche. I have this opportunity and it is a good fit for me because it's fun and something *I* can see myself doing, and I will be successful with it because I believe in it. What do you believe in? What do you do for fun that can enhance your life?

Think about it...then do something about it!

Peace!!! :)

How do you see yourself?

When is the last time you looked at your naked self in the mirror? The other day my reflection caught me as I exited the shower and I stood there, mesmerized, and for about 20 minutes I twisted and turned, lifted my arms, moved my belly, and generally checked out my assets. I'm overweight, and while I want to reshape my body, in general, I think I'm beautiful...but I can't tell you the last time my eyes lingered on my naked body. There is something inherently beautiful about accepting yourself exactly the way you are. Not that you cease to strive to improve, but to look at yourself in the mirror with all your perceived faults and say "I'm a sexy MF'er" (or some variation of that, lol). I looked at myself and marveled at the fact that even though I'm carrying umpteen extra pounds, my body works...well. My arms are fleshy, but they are able to lift my Godson and hold him in the air while he squeals with delight. My tummy might be round, but it's a beautiful tan color and baby soft. I might have thunder thighs, but they are solid and shapely. My hips might be wide, but I know that when the time comes, they will be the gateway to bringing my future children into the world.

I used to wish I was shorter. I felt like big girls shouldn't also be tall, but now I relish it. In the words of the renowned poet and scholar Juvenile..."Youse a big fine woman", lol. Anyway, I didn't have some great epiphany while I stood there, but the fact that I stood there, butt-naked, no makeup, wearing a headscarf and shower cap and I looked at myself...and felt beautiful, well...that was a great feeling. I didn't have any feelings of disgust or "omg, how did you let yourself get like that" and nothing negative crossed my mind. I just appreciated my beautiful body and marveled at all of it's intricacies.

I encourage you to do the same. Whether you have your dream body or whether you think it needs a little work...love the YOU you are NOW. Forget about the video girls, and the magazine ideals of beauty. Forget about the people that think your body needs work. Forget about the disappointment you feel when you realize that your body doesn't look as good in certain clothes as you want or the weight isn't coming off as fast or consistent as you like. Appreciate your body for how it works, marvel in your beauty and look yourself in the eye and tell yourself how much you love you. I promise you won't get rejected. :)

...aaaannnd we're back.

It's been 2 months. TWO WHOLE MONTHS!! Where have I been? Around. *shrugs* I can't even come up with anything good. Only that I'm back, and I'll do better. You still love me?

:)

Hi!!! Welcome to Shoppers!!

So, you all know my disdain for grocery shopping, and today, I'll give you reason #363 why I need my own personal grocer.

I had to get 3 times for dinner tonight: honey, a lime, and red pepper flakes. I got out of my car at 5:00p and was in the express check-out line at 5:08. GREAT TIME! For once, I'll be visiting the grocery store (in PG county) without having a story to tell. Wrong.

As I approached the register, I noticed the pungent aroma of marijuana (doesn't matter how I know). I thought to myself "Wow, someone took 'Happy Hour' to another level", but I minded my business. As the person in front of the person in front of me (still with me?) left, I expected the chick in front of me to move up beyond the belt. She didn't. She stood there leaning over the belt to where I couldn't put my items on the belt. When he gave her the total, she looked up and was like "I'm sorry, can you take her first? I just can't" and slumped over the belt. The teenage cashier looked at me like WTF? And the nice person in me asked "Are you okay?" She said "I just feel like I'm gonna faint. I can't do it. Is there somewhere I can sit down?" So the cashier, in typical poor customer service fashion, sighed and pointed to a bench. She was like "I can't make it" So he comes around the register and looks at me and mouths "What do I do?"

*blankstare*

What part of my wallet in my hand and me putting items on the belt made him feel like he should direct that question to me...I dunno, but I grabbed one of her arms and he grabbed the other and we proceeded to walk her to the bench (which was like 5 aisles over and hidden by a display). Everyone is looking at us like WTF? And security stood at the door and watched. He didn't budge, didn't look concerned, didn't look like he was processing what his role should be in the situation, he just watched the show. We got about 2 steps from the bench and chick's knees buckled. Did I mention the chick had ME by about 20-30lbs?

*press pause*

I was in nursing school, and one of the things they teach you in your lecture and clinical courses is that there is a RIGHT way to let a "patient" fall. I knew exactly how to let someone slide down your leg to avoid injury to both yourself and your patient, but never in nursing school did they teach me how to let someone fall while holding a purse, a wallet, and red pepper flakes. Never.

*press play*

So I did what most people would do. I let go. I mean, I wasn't going down WITH her. She got herself up and on the bench and only then did security make his way over. Meanwhile, I and the cashier walk back over to the not-so-express lane. As he started ringing my items, he looks at me like it was his first time meeting me and says..."Hi, Welcome to Shoppers!"


Why come I can never have an uneventful shopping trip?

There's a thin line, between love and hate...for facebook.

I'm lightweight addicted to facebook. I think I mentioned that before. And while I love it dearly for several reasons. I also despise it with a passion. Facebook is evil, lol. It makes people do, think and say things that one would not normally do, think or say. A lot of times, the website is glitchy, and when it does work...they are constantly updating it into the "new" facebook, which usually takes away functionality and throws everyone for a loop. Facebook is kind of like America to me. There is a BUNCH of isht wrong with it, and sometimes you just gotta get away for a while, but when it all boils down to it, it's where I call home.

Some of the things that draw me back to FB so much is the fact that I can catch up with friends/family all in one little homepage. I can load pictures from family/friendly funtions and share them without having to go through the hassle of emailing folks one by one. You can keep in touch with folks from across the street or across the world and it's all good. Love it. But from time to time, I have to take a little break. I wanted to take a minute to blog about the things that annoy me most about FB.

1). Friend suggestions. Half the time I don't even know the people that FB is suggesting I befriend. Or maybe it's someone that shares a mutual friend with I that I just don't care to interact with. At any rate...it's annoying. Let me find my own friends. If that wasn't enough, they also push you to "help make FB better for them" or "Share the latest news" to people you haven't "talked" to lately. Huh? Stop it.

2). People who post stuff on FB and then get mad when you mention it. "Who told you that?" Chick, you posted it on Facebook! I'm not stalking you! Folks need to realize that within their little circle of friends on FB, unless you have restrictive privacy settings, what you share is public information...up for anyone to see and comment on. If you don't want it talked about, don't talk about it. Or you ask a guy that you're dating what they meant by something and they get all up in their feelings "Why you all on my page like that?" What?

3). Folks that take every one of your status messages and want to apply it to them somehow and get offended. *sigh* If you KNOW me, you know that if you've done something to piss me off to the point where I have to publicly vent about it...you'll know it. I pretty much say exactly what I'm thinking and my friends never have to wonder where they stand with me. You won't have to go to my FB status to find out that I'm annoyed with you. I probably wasn't even thinking about you when I said it. *sings* "You're so vain..."

4). Fakery. If you're on my friends list, then I'm cool with you. The moment I am no longer cool with you, you're no longer on my friends list. Period. I understand why people utilize privacy lists for personal or professional reasons, but it's just not for me. And if you feel like you feel some kinda way about me that you gotta block me from your status messages, pictures, wall or whatever...please just de-friend me. I promise I won't be offended. I'm the same way with everyone I meet, so I don't need to have groups of friends on FB. That's just how it works best with me, but I do realize everything ain't for everyone. *kanyeshrug*

5). People that assume that you see every post and every status message they make. You will be talking about something and be like "wait, what? When did that happen?" And they say "Well I posted it on Facebook." Are you serious right now? Like, why would you assume that I see everything you post? Why would you use a Facebook status (only) to make an important announcement? Likewise, if I post something on my page/status and it's in direct conflict with something you said...why would you assume I'm referencing your post and trying to "battle" you? LMAO That's asinine!! OMG people kill me!!!

6). People not realizing that Facebook is an online community and in no way a substitute for REAL interaction and REAL communication with your friends and loved ones. *Liking* my pics or status does not equate meaningful quality time.

7. The airing of dirty laundry and/or fighting on FB. *sigh* Do better.

8. Hearing about important, life-altering things...on Facebook. I had to "get with" someone about telling me that a loved one was very sick...via inbox mass message. Huh? You have my phone number, you have my email address, how you gonna mass message your friends list and tell people about a family crisis via facebook? It's just...wrong.

Everyday on FB I see something that makes me roll my eyes, yet I keep going back. SMH It is what it is.

He loves me...especially...different.

Best Love song about the GREATEST love ever. Enjoy



Bet you thought I was talking about Jilly from Philly, right? :)

My Funny Valentine...

...no really, he was friggin' hilarious. *straight face here*

So I had a very interesting weekend. I wasn't really interested in going out or making a big deal out of Valentine's day. I never am. Maybe because most V-Days in the past have pretty much sucked, so I don't even get excited anymore. Anyway, I wasn't feeling well and then the whole...being on a "dating hiatus" thing, lol. Since I'd made the decision to just not date anyone for a while, exes seem to be coming out of the woodwork to want to hang. Or just calling to "see how I'm doing". Whatever. I'd actually had a weak moment where I thought I wanted to meet someone and actually pursued something, but that didn't pan out, so back to the hiatus I go.

Anyway, back to this weekeend...I was asked out twice, and to both guys I said I wasn't interested in doing anything. To which one of them said "Well you just gonna be sitting at home anyway." How do YOU know what I'm going to be doing? So you figure that if YOU don't take me out, NOBODY will? Dude, gtfooh. You don't know what I'm doing when I'm not with you! Don't feel like you have to "do me a favor" and take me out. Fast forward to Sunday and I get a call from Mr. Navy. Mr. Navy and I met online back in the summer and dated for a few but he was just on some games. I cut things off back in November (which is when my hiatus started). We speak periodically on FB or text, but we just aren't the same anymore. He said he'd been thinking about me and that he's been wanting to ask me out but thought I'd give him the cold shoulder. *giggles* He said "Well I figure you wouldn't turn me down on V-Day" I laughed 1) because I felt that that comment ALSO came from a place of "well you're not doing anything anyway" and 2) because he knows me oh so well. Most days I do give him the cold shoulder, lol. Anyway, since he invited me to my favorite brunch spot, I decided to go.

I told him I'd meet him there instead of being picked up. We had some good convo and we talked about where we “went wrong”. Very enlightening. He said he misses me and hopes we can start over, at least as friends and try to communicate better. The thing is, he isn’t (in my opinion) admitting what he did wrong. He’s just kind of like “yeah, things fell off…but let’s start over.” I can’t really get with that. I mean, the first step is admittance, right? So if you hurt my feelings, were dishonest, playing the field and lying about it…shouldn’t you at least say “Look…I know I did you wrong, I know I was playing games, but let’s start over.” Or is that too much to ask? Seems to me you want to move on without acknowledging your part in WHY things fell off. I’m not asking for details. I’m just asking for acknowledgement because if we WERE to move forward and isht fell off again, well then it’s really my fault for not making sure the situation was resolved, right? *shrugs* Whatever. It was a free meal, and you know big girls like free food, lol.

We ended up leaving there and going to Best Buy and then taking in a movie. It was a nice date, and I enjoyed myself. He called me later that evening and said that he enjoyed himself too and that he’s sure I “made a lot of people jealous today”. Hmm? Apparently, as he explained, his legion (my words, not his) of women friends were wondering why he got ghost (his words, not mine). He cloaked this in a compliment...
"I had to take my Jewel (my middle name and what he calls me) out because YOU deserve it. I have a lot a female friends and I'm sure they would have loved to go out, but you are number one." Sooooo, since he bestowed his attention on me on the Hallmark Holiday, I should feel privileged that you chose ME to spend the day with vs. any of the other chicks? Uh…thanks???? Why do you feel the need to sell it to yourself (because you clearly aren’t selling it to me) that other people want you?

*scratches head* These dudes kill me thinking they are the end-all, be-all and the only source of happiness.

*walks away muttering*

10 Things I hate about your driving...

So we're still experiencing the "Blizzard of 2010", as they've coined it on the news. I ventured out yesterday to go to the office to get some documents and do payroll and almost killed my car. Literally. One of my headlights was hanging out when I got where I was going. WTF? The roads are horrible. At any rate, since I was out in the mania, I wanted to share some of my BIGGEST driver pet peeves.

1. Clean off the top of your damn car. Yes, YOU. I don't really care if you drive a truck, I don't really care if you're short, and no...I don't care if you were in a rush. It all boils down to being lazy and selfish. So you want to endanger MY life because you are in a hurry and didn't get up on time? You want to hamper MY ability to see because you didn't invest in a step-ladder but drive a Hummer? So I need to be subjected to big blocks of ice and snow hitting my windshield or hurling towards me at 65 miles per hour (since I never, EVER go over the posted speed limit *halo*)? I cry bullisht. I wish they would ticket these selfish bamas when they see them. UGHH, nothing infuriates me more.

2. Why do you sit with your blinker on and wait 20 minutes for a parking space? I parked further away yes, but I'm already in the store with a buggy and you're still sitting there with your blinker on. You suck.

3. Ever want to know exactly how long a split-second is? It's the time between the light turning green and the person behind you honking. You impatient so-n-so. Can I get MY foot off the brake? Can I look both ways first? Do you see the pedestrian walking in front of my car? WTH are you honking at me? Do you realize that makes me want to put my car in park and sit there...just to annoy you? Ugh.

4. I really like when you bob and weave and speed off into traffic and then we end up at the same traffic light. That smile that I give you, you aren't quite sure what it means, lemme explain it. That's my "You are such an idiot, good luck with your gas consumption" smile. Why are you gunning it in the city anyway? You've never heard of "stop and go" traffic? That means you're not on the highway genius. Get it together.

5. I'm not an aggressive driver, but what I CAN'T stand is a bully. I don't care if you ride out the merge lane, if there are no cars behind me and I think you're trying to muscle your way in front of me...10 times out of 9 I won't let you in. Sue me. It gives me pleasure. *shrug* You should have merged like the rest of us. Your dumb@ss would rather ride the shoulder and MAKE somebody let you over? Good luck with that.

6. Don't block the box. I was stopped at a light close to a fire station and I was the last car in front of the "box". Some jerk decided to pull up into the box and then honk so that we would all inch up close to each other so they wouldn't be in the box. Are you serious? No. I'm not moving. Unless a fire siren goes off, you're going to sit there. And I'm going to pray for a cop to come by and ticket you. You dork. So because YOU pulled up farther than you should have, you want me to tailgate the car in front of me? No.

7. Why don't you pull up to the first pump at the gas station? Do you think you're the only person in the universe that needs to get gas? So now I gotta do all kinds of 3-point turns and parallel parking and crap just to maneuver into an open pump because YOU are inconsiderate. You are probably the same person who is...


8. Smoking at the pump. *sigh* Just because you have a death wish and don't think life is worth living, why do you feel the need to endanger us all? You have a lit cigarette and are talking on the phone while pumping your gas at the second pump. I wish I could legally mollywop you.

9. You can't park. Those little white or yellow lines in the parking lot are not for decoration. They aren't suggested guidelines. If one or more of your wheels are on/over the lines...you need to pull out and start over. I'm a big girl, I don't want to have to do the snake to get into my car because you parked too close to me. Thanks.

10. If you're so close to me that I look in my rearview and can't see what kind of car you're driving...back the truck up!!!!

Eargasm Vol. 2

I LOVE Adele. There is this quiet confidence about her, and I love her soulful, raspy voice. I also love that she's a curvy chick and she embraces it. I know it's hard in "real" life for plus-sized women, and in the entertainment industry, the pressure is probably increased exponentially.

Many, many artists have remade this song, but her version of this classic song is my favorite EVER. I believe one day I sat and listened to this song about 15 times in a row. I've been there before, so sure about loving someone and wanting to somehow make them FEEL it. Yeah. Anyway, enjoy!



Lyrics:

When the rain is blowing in your face,
And the whole world is on your case,
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love.

When the evening shadows and the stars appear,
And there is no one there to dry your tears,
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love.

I know you haven't made your mind up yet,
But I would never do you wrong.
I've known it from the moment that we met,
No doubt in my mind where you belong.

I'd go hungry; I'd go black and blue,
I'd go crawling down the avenue.
No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love.

The storms are raging on the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret.
Though winds of change are throwing wild and free,
You ain't seen nothing like me yet.

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true.
Nothing that I wouldn't do.
Go to the ends of the Earth for you,
To make you feel my love

Eargasm Vol. 1

So Corinne Bailey Rae is my friend...in my head. She just seems like she would be someone that would be so cool to be around and just sit back and shoot the breeze. She seems like a sweet soul. When her husband died, I felt so bad for her, like I should call and check on her, or send a card, lol. I'm glad to see she's back on the scene, here is one of my favorite songs from her. Enjoy.



Lyrics:

I know what I said
Was heat of the moment
But there's a little truth in between the words we've spoken
Its a little late now to fix a heart that's broken
Please don't ask me where I'm going
Cause I don't know
No I don't know...anymore

It used to feel like heaven
Used to feel like May
I used to hear those violins playing heart strings like a symphony
Now they've gone away
Nobody wants to face the truth
But you wont believe what love can do
Till it happens to you
Till it happens to you

Went to the old flat
Guess I was trying to turn the clock back
But how come that nothing feels the same now when I'm with you
We used to stay up all night in the kitchen
When our love was new
Oooh love am I a fool to believe in you?
Cause I don't know
No I don't know
Anymore

It used to feel like heaven
It used to feel like May
I used to hear those violins playing heart strings like a symphony
Now they've gone away
Nobody wants to face the truth
Until their hearts broken
Don't you dare tell them
What you think to do
Till they get over
You can only learn these things
From experience
When you get older
I just wish that someone would have told me

Till it happens to you
Till it happens to you
Till it happens to you

Clearly speaking

I love the words clear and clearly and say them often.

"Cleary, what I meant was..."

"Are we clear?"

"I don't know how to be more clear"

"Just so we're clear..."

and the ever Presidential "Let me be clear..."


Don't judge me. :)

10 Items or Less

I hate grocery shopping. Yeah, I'm a fat girl, but I truly, TRULY hate grocery shopping. If I weren't so anal about my products, I really would have Peapod deliver my isht. Alas, I don't trust other people to pick out the perfect avocado. An over-ripe avocado just won't do. SMH

We're expecting a snowstorm this weekend. "Of epic proportions." At least that's what they said on the news. I'm pretty much over it and ready to move on to Spring. Anyway, there is something about the mid-atlantic area that causes people to run to the nearest grocery store with crumbled currency in hand in a sheer panic. And it never fails, I always get caught in the middle of it. It's not because I've fallen for the "milk, bread, bottled water and toilet paper" foolishness, but because I seriously wait until THE last minute to go grocery shopping. I'd rather shop the food aisle at Target, that way I could push my cart through the home section and daydream about pretty dining room settings and new bedding and such.

But I digress.

Tonight, I found myself in the market again. Why? Because I had a REALLY strong craving for some fried catfish. I'd convinced myself all day that the weekend would just be shot to hell if I couldn't make some fried catfish and cheese grits. SMH As I stood in the "express" line for upwards of 30 minutes, I compiled a list of things that bother me so about the supermarket.

1). Rude cashiers that don't greet you when they start ringing you up. I'm sorry Boomquisha that you came to work and thought you were going to file your nails all day. I'm sorry that you have to stop texting your Boo for a few minutes while you ring me up. I actually WOULD prefer to ring myself up in the self-service line, but all your self-service machines are broken. Which leads me to my next point...

2). Self-checkout lanes that don't work. You got three checkout lanes, one only accepts cash, one that doesn't ring produce and the third one is out of paper. Get it together.

3). People who wander aimlessly through the supermarket aisles mumbling. "Where's the water? I wonder what aisle the water is..." and they make eye contact with you as if you're their guardian supermarket angel sent to show them to the Dasani. Ugh.

4). Customers who ask you where stuff is. Why do I look like I know what aisle the yeast is on? Seriously, this lady asked me that in the store tonite. I was picking up some breading for my catfish (insert cheesey grin here) and she's wandering down the aisle and asks me where the yeast is. Then she says "Well it usually comes in packets, why isn't it in this aisle? That would make sense, right?" Clearly you know more about the yeast than I do Lady. Honestly, I don't ever remember buying yeast, so I can't help you. Why do people want to talk to me all the time?

5). Sticky floors.

6). "Do you work here?" UGHHHH What part of me having on a coat, scarf, hat, purse and having one hand on a buggy makes you think I work here?

7). People who are impatient. I have a lot of annoyances at the market, but I ALWAYS take my patience with me. Why? Because a large part of the population is stupid and will no-doubtedly do something stupid during my trip. My blood pressure wouldn't be able to stand it. I recently watched a man curse a woman out in Shoppers because she had 11 items in the 10 items or less express lane. Tragic.

8). People who try to stage uprisings while in long lines. "Ya'll ain't got nobody working today?" As they turn to anyone who will listen in hopes that they will start complaining too. Just shut up so I can buy my Cheerios in peace.

9). The fact that 10 times out of 9, even if I go with a list and stick to it religiously, I will no doubt forget something. OR, I'll get home to put groceries away and realize I've double purchased something. Hate it.

10). People that have no sense of their surroundings. They stop in the middle of the aisle, walk into you with their buggy, stand there and read the labels with themselves and their buggies blocking your path. Do you not realize that, contrary to popular belief, this is NOT your world? Come on...MOVE IBTCH, GET OUT THE WAY!!!!!

Ugh...lemme go get some wine.

Random Acts of Mediocrity, Vol. 1

So I'm the Office Manager (read=HR/Admin/AP/AR/Purchasing/Gimme money for soda/Remind me to eat lunch/Remind me to pick up my kids after soccer practice/It's my wife's birthday can you order flowers/Copier jammer fixer/toilet paper roll replacer/hit up Costco because we're out of silverware/and other duties as assigned...but I digress) for my company and of course, one of my duties is to recruit and process new staff.

We have a contract that officially starts on March 1 and we hired about 8 new employees to staff that contract. The guys start on Monday so that they can familiarize themselves with their new duties. Okay. The project is going to be performed in a building, on a military base, and that building is operated and secured by US Secret Service. Still with me? Okay. Since this is a contract position, I issued all of these new employees offer letters that clearly state that their offer is contingent on 4 things, one of which was a successful Secret Service background check. I brought all of the new staff in for a meeting last week and had them sign off on their releases for SS to conduct said background check. Now normally, I conduct my own, but in this case I know that SS bgc will be far more thorough than anything I would pull, so I just left it alone.

I had every reason to think that all of my guys would be fine. On their applications, a few of them had a few "colorful incidents", but none of them were major that they wouldn't pass the SS bgc, in my experience. So we forge ahead. On the release forms we provided last week, there is a trick question.

"Have you ever been arrested?"

Yeah, now I know that might throw some people and maybe cause a little confusion (insert *side-eye*) but I had faith that my new staff would all understand the question and answer accordingly.

Clearly, I over-estimate my brothers.

Today I got a call from a Secret Service rep and she (though she sounded like a man, it has been confirmed that she is, indeed, of female persuasion) said in a gruff voice "Mr. X has a violent felony...can't use him, gotta find somebody else."

I.

Am.

Livid.

Anybody that knows me KNOWS that I will go to war for one of my guys, pretty much against anyone, including my boss...so for me to get that call when I ASKED you simply..."Have you ever been arrested?" And you say "NO"...I'm pissed.

I'm pissed off to the highest point of pisstivity.

So, needless to say, he failed one of his contingencies and I must now rescind his offer.

Tricky.

Not for me, but for him. See, he decided to be colored when he got the job offer. Instead of putting in 2 weeks notice, he decided "Eff it, I'm just gonna work out the week and then tell them to KMA (with me?)" Sooooo...now it's Wednesday, you ain't got no job, and you ain't got isht to do Craig!!!

My question is, HTF you gonna KNOW you have a violent felony on your record and knowingly take a job that requires a SECRET SERVICE background check? Even if you did this, why not wait until the BGC came back? So now you just lost your $80K job and you sitting there with your eyes watering saying "Ms. PJ, it ain't nothing you can do man? I need my job!" Pligga Nease. You shoulda thought about that before lying on your application and release form.

Now I sat there for a cool hour trying to write his "you know you dun fugged up right" letter, and for the life of me I couldn't come up with much more than:

Mr. X

Youse a dumbass. I hope you can get your old job back.

A good friend of mine came up with:

Dr. Violent Felon,

On That One Day, 2010, we offered you the Job Title position with This Company. This offer was contingent on the outcome of your background check. Although you informed us you had never been arrested, your background check shows that you have a violent felony on your record. It is for this reason that I have to rescind our previous offer. I apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you. Being honest up-front may prevent your simple azz this type of embarrassment in the future. Good luck in all of your endeavors.

Signed,

Non-Violent Non-Violent

HA!!!

Once I got my giggles in, I wrote him a nice "form letter" and kept it moving. I can't be bothered with such negroidian behavior anyway.

Psst...

Hey Big Daddy, lemme holla at you for a minute. It won't take long...how much time you got? What you in the mood for this evening? I got what you need right here.

Want some ecstasy?

I got you.

A taste for little bit of needy? Got that too.

You had a rough day, and want a little empathy?

Ooooh, you got the right. one. baby. Uh huh.

See I'm a pimp, and I pimp out my feelings on a regular...just for a little attention. Don't look at me like that Papi, everybody got a little attention-whore in 'em, even you! The question is, how far would you go to get that itch scratched? I bet you ain't no chick that could boost your ego like me baby. Does she stroke it like I do? I know exactly where it feels good baby. I got what you need. You need a little desire, well you have come to the right place. I will desire you all you want baby, just give me a little attention. That's all I need baby, how much time you got?

Cuz I'm a pimp, and if you're paying the right amount of attention, my feelings are all yours. You wanna hurt somebody baby? Here's my ego. Want to show somebody who's boss? Here's my shame. Or do you like to be on the "receiving" end? I won't judge. I'll just say this. My feelings of disappointment and regret are TOP-notch. It will have you feeling worthless in no time flat. I could even throw in a little guilt-job free of charge. Just gimme some attention baby, how much time you got?

Do you really want to know??

Do you really want to know what I'm thinking when you ask? Do you want the politically correct, nice girl answer?

What if I'm angry? Do you want to know my innermost bitchy thoughts?

What if I'm not praising you? Do you really want to know that I think you annoy me at times?

Do you really want my opinion?

If what I'm thinking might hurt you, would you rather me keep it to myself?

If I'm still in the midst of processing how I feel, do you want the rough draft? What if my rough draft isn't palatable for you? Will you look at me different if my honesty stings you?

Would you rather hear a bitter truth or a sweet lie? Will you punish me for a differing opinion?

If I don't agree with you, will you dismiss all of what I have to say? Will you no longer want to be my friend?

Doesn't friendship mean that we don't always agree, but are always honest with one another?

Will you look at me with disdain when you realize that what I'm thinking isn't always beautiful?

Do you ask me my opinion because you want a co-signer?

Did you actually listen to what I said or did you tune me out while preparing your rebuttal?

Do you really want to know what I'm thinking? I mean...really.

What ever happened to the "Good Girl"? Where has she gone?*

*Not my words.

So yesterday a friend of mine posted this as his FB status message. At first read, I felt a little indignant because this is someone that I love and actually dated for a bit, so I'm like "Huh? What is he trying to say?" I felt like it was a dismissal of me and any other good "girl" in his life. I felt invisible. So I and several of his other friends exchanged a little witty banter about the subject, but it all boils down to the fact that sometimes, in life, the good "girl" or "boy" is looked over.

Outside of the movies, the good girl might not have the perfect body or perfect hair and makeup or a flashy wardrobe. The good girl might not always come from the best family and volunteer on her off-days or be a member of an elite sorority. She might not come with recommendations and at first glance, maybe your homeboys might not be racing you down to "holla". The good guy might not always have the chiseled abs and perfect teeth and fat bank account. He may not drive a flashy car or have the latest gadgets or threads and he might not necessarily be a heart-throb. Does that mean they don't exist?

The issue is that for a lot of men (and women), we don't recognize the "good" in people until we are ready to settle down and make a lifelong commitment. When we're ready to do that, all of a sudden, her hair and makeup isn't so important. Then you decide that her ability to keep a nice home and be a good mother is what comes into play. When they decide they want a wife, it doesn't much matter than the "boys" aren't necessarily checking for her, in actuality, you would prefer that they didn't look at her in that way. When you're dating and having fun, you want a freak. But when you're all freaked out and want love...you look for the good girl, but then you realize your perception is all skewed. Then you need to sit back and re-evaluate what is important to you. This is not just for men, women...even ME (yes me, lol) are guilty of this.

There is no shortage of good women and men out there, the question is whether or not you're even checking for them. The qualities that are important to you change as you grow older and wiser and as your experiences change. So I think the question is shouldn't be, "what happened to the good girls/good guys?" But more..."Am I ready for her/him" and if I am, what am I doing to attract them?

All the single ladies...

Interesting article (I'll edit with my comments):

Friends Vs. Girlfriends — As Men See It
By Stuart McDonald
September 29, 2009 10:56 am



Note: The views and opinions expressed herein may not be logical and/or follow any sound reasoning whatsoever. I want to attempt to help the ladies understand how most men view relationships. There are, of course, always exceptions, but ladies, understanding what I’m about to say could make your life drastically easier in the long run.

When it comes to relationships, most men, myself included, have two categories for women: you’re either a friend or you’re a girlfriend. If you’re not a girlfriend, you’re a friend. Yes, it’s really that simple. Granted, you may have different “varieties” of friends — you may have a “recreation buddy,” who’s into the same stuff you are and y’all just hang out a lot; you may have a “friend with benefits,” who is really a friend, but will give you all the physical benefits of a relationship without any of the emotional attachment. Depending on the man, he may have more varieties, but at the end of the day, they’re still under the “friends” umbrella.

If you’re a friend, we may be attracted to you, feeling to you, or crushing on you, but until we TELL you something, you’re still just a friend. We may hang out on the regular and talk frequently but unless we have stated our intentions, you’d be best to avoid thinking that there are any desires to pursue a relationship.

Do actions speak louder than words? In most cases, yes. In the case where you think we’re your boyfriend, but we’ve never verbalized the desire to be, no, actions do not speak louder than words. Our silence should say all you need to know. Sometimes one’s silence on an issue is more powerful than any words could be. This is one of those times.

If we don’t tell you that we’re interested in or attracted to you, you’d be best served by not getting too emotionally invested. Why? Because men, just like women, have a tendency to flirt. It’s easy to act like you’re in a relationship: you hang out, talk, hug, kiss, flirt, touch, cuddle, etc. And not only is it easy, but it’s fun! Who doesn’t like to have fun? What’s not easy is this: being honest, laying your feelings on the table and actually committing to be in a relationship!

When we want a relationship with you; when we want more than a friendship, you’ll know. There will be no “maybe” floating around in your head; no second guessing anything. You will unequivocally know. How will you know? Because we will say something! What a revolutionary, mind blowing thought! The blog, 5 Mistakes Women Make, that elaborates on how men act in this regard:

When we are crazy about a woman, we are no longer the reserved and non emotional creatures you think we are. We become a mess – drooling internally when we think of you. We would never want you to feel you are on shaky ground concerning your status with us. We will publicly profess and show you to the whole world. We will put up a picture with you in it as the our profile pic, tag you in all photos you appear in and most importantly make sure that our status box shows that we are in a relationship with you. Yup, that’s what we do when we love you – we say it out LOUD! And when we are out and about with you, our professions are usually crystal clear: ‘Meet my girlfriend, Sandra’ or ‘Meet my fiance, Sandra.’ Not, ‘Meet Sandra’ who is Sandra??? When we love you, we want the world to know that we love you.

I’ll leave you with one more example. Have you ever heard of a woman assuming that she and her man were engaged or married? Of course not. Why? Because in order to take that step into the lifelong commitment that is marriage, men say something. In fact, not only do they say something when they get engaged, but at the wedding, the vows, while a symbolic ritual, are also necessary because they are part of the legally binding agreement of marriage. Just as you can’t “accidentally” enter into marriage, entering a relationship should be the same way.

Ladies, it boils down to this: Regardless of what he does and the way he acts towards you, what he says will mean more. If you have to force the question of “What are we doing in this relationship?” that’s not always a bad thing. Sometimes men just get absent minded and don’t think about such things. Sometimes. On the other side, if you continually allow yourself to be in friendships with no titles, men will see that and will take advantage of it. You will only be treated as well as you require.

Now, this concept seems simple enough, but somehow it so often gets twisted. What do you think? Guys, do you think this way? Ladies, what is it about this concept that makes it so complex & misunderstood?

[For more from Stuart McDonald, check out his personal blog and follow him on Twitter]



Read more: http://elev8.com/daily-offerings/rel...#ixzz0eInCvRCa

You so fine...you make my liver quiver...

How important is physical attraction in a relationship?

Is one shallow if they connect or vibe with someone but aren't feeling them on a physical level for whatever reason? Is it possible to meet someone who is/could potentially be your soulmate, but they just don't "do it" for you physically...whether it be because they lack a certain quality or posses a certain quality? Just how important is it to be attracted to your mate? What if you are attracted to their mind? Is that all that counts? Would you hide your hesitations and pursue anyway? Is it possible to have a relationship where looks, attraction, size, appearance just doesn't matter? If you don't think it's possible for you, are you less "enlightened"?

Clearly, I have more questions than answers...

Random Pet Peeves #1

-The word "nude" as a descriptive color. I mean...isn't that relative? Hate it...

-For that matter...flesh-toned. Who's flesh?

-Entering information into an automated system and having the CSR get on and ask you the SAME questions.

- When people swerve into the lane to their left to make a right turn. I mean, how much room do you need?

-Potholes

-People who stand inside the door in the frozen food section and "windowshop". I mean...it's a GLASS DOOR! WTH do you have to stand with the door open to see what's in there? Keep the damn door closed and make up your mind first.

-People that don't pull all the way up to the first pump at the gas station.

-Drivers in oncoming traffic that pull out in front of you to make a turn, causing you to decrease your speed when there is NO ONE behind you. Seriously? You couldn't wait 3 seconds?

-Tofu

-The fact that it doesn't matter how many bananas I buy, the last one or two are always mushy by the time I get to them.

-The comment "You have such a pretty face"

-When people email you the same message to ALL of your email addresses.

-Text forwards

-Waking up 10 minutes before the alarm goes off

-My boss sending me an email, then asking me if I got the email, then proceeding to repeat verbally the email content. Why didn't you just talk to me instead? What was the purpose of sending an email?

Weeds serve NO purpose in your garden

(old blog)



So in my garden (life) I have quite a few pretty roses, a few rosebuds and more than my share of dandelions. Let’s break this down. A dandelion in itself is harmless at first look, it may be kinda cute, SOMEBODY out there thinks it’s kind of nice to have around, and it might even add a little “color” to the garden…but make no mistake about it, a weed by any other name is STILL a weed.

If they serve no purpose…they need to go, because they are just taking up useful space. But, you have to be careful how you deal with the weeds in your garden. You don’t want to become “bitter” and over-zealous and spread “pesticides” over your entire garden because you will ruin and kill the roses and rosebuds…no, you don’t want that. You also don’t want to waste valuable time cultivating and treating weeds like you treat your precious roses when they don’t appreciate it, don’t respond and under the surface are choking the life out of the rest of the garden. So what do you do?

Once you have positively identified a weed, you need to determine the “danger level”, determine the source and take protective measures. If you have a healthy garden, a weed or two might not pose much of a problem…do a spot-check here and there and take care of those few weeds and keep it moving. If your garden is overgrown with weeds…then maybe you need to step back and determine why your garden is under attack. What is it that makes YOUR garden so attractive to the weeds? If you have treated your garden by “spot-check” before and seem to keep having the SAME type of problem, then maybe you need to take more drastic measures. Maybe you need to re-evaluate the “fertilizer” you are using. *go figure* I said all that to say this…no garden is EVER completely free from the weeds among us, but ignoring them only leads to bigger problems in the long run.

I need to get my garden under control…how about you?

Nothing left to say

So the past few weeks I've been feeling pretty sentimental for several different reasons and when that happens, I tend to turn on the music, light some candles and write it out. Well the other night I came across a song (by one of THE best bands ever) that I've heard several times but had never really LISTENED to. I was intrigued and I looked up the lyrics...here are several lines (listen here: http://www.imeem.com/people/s6fsMuB/music/XVy4nbAO/mint_condition_nothing_left_to_say/ )

Nothing left to say- Mint Condition

Love was so strong
At least at the beginning
Who would've thought
there'd ever be an ending
We had it all
But it's like we've run into a wall

Now we try to talk
but just end up fighting
try making up
but there's just no denying
Jus' ain't the same no more
what are we putting ourselves through all this for

you talk and hear me
but you can't communicate
cause you're not lis'ning
know these are two different things
now I see what it means to have been
blinded by the one you love so deeply
cause,

The very things that made me love you
are the things pushing me away (now)
in tears we stand here
with nothing left to say

And all I could do for you
I should've done before (now)
In tears we stand here
There's nothing left to say

You touched my heart
and were so giving
spirit so free
you threw me in it
I fell so deep
I could not see my life
without you in it

Girl you gave me
alot of attention
Somehow the feeling turned
into crazy possessive
It was always there
But I didn't look deeper
If I would've I'da seen a limit
---

Dayum. Makes me think...on two topics in particular. Pardon my train of thought here...

When relationships or other partnerships dissolve, it's easy to see what the other person did wrong. It's easy to say that they weren't meeting your needs or weren't pulling their weight, but how often do you step back and look at yourself? Maybe your partner doesn't pick up on non-verbal clues or hints or maybe they just DON'T know what's wrong...even if you think they should. Before anything else, we are all individuals who are guided by our own predilections and we have to learn how to love other people and be a partner in a relationship. You have to be verbal about what you want and need and won't stand for in a relationship...that way there is nothing left up to "interpretation". Sometimes we can be so wrapped up in us and what we need and what we aren't getting, we forget that our partners have feelings too and it's just not about us all the time. We forget that people (especially men, lol) don't come with this ingrained chip to know what to do and say at all the appropriate times. I've been guilty of not voicing what I need and then becoming increasingly bitter about why I'm not getting it. When you get to that point, you can't operate because you're not thinking about what YOU'RE bringing to the situation and how YOU can make it better, you're only focusing on the lack of xyz. I could drone on and on...but I won't.

The second thought that came up while listening to this song over and over and over was that sometimes we see what we want to see. People tell you what they are and what they want time after time again, even if they don't "say" it. The very idiosyncrasies that make you scratch your head and brush off as endearing or a little "special" could be clues to just how things are going to play out down the road. That saying that "hindsight is 20/20" means that the clues were always there, you either didn't see them, or chose not to pay attention to them. You think it's cute when they call you 15 times a day and say that makes them interested in you and next thing you know they're hiding in your bushes. You brush it off when they don't do what they say they will do...until it becomes a bigger and bigger problem. Again, communication comes into play here as well. If there are certain topics that are off-limits in your relationship and that bother you, you have a decision to make. Do you want to continue to look the other way and let it fester...because it will, or do you want to address it head-on and suffer the consequences.

I dunno, I know this may not make sense to anyone else but me but I just wanted to share my train of thought. I'm FEELING this song, because I've been there, I am there...with nothing left to say. At some point in relationships/friendships/career situations, there is nothing left to say that hasn't already been said. I told you what I need, you told me what you're ready to give and we continue on the course it may as well be a mexican standoff, lol. I don't get how people can stay in limbo for weeks upon months upon years. Recognize what you can get out of the situation and if it suits you, fine...if not, then I guess there's nothing left to say...

I wish I had a red dress...

All black everything it's what's comfortable to me now. I fade into the background and lead a life of monotony. I work a menial job for a meager salary. I drive a boring car and live in a modest dwelling void of any fancy decor. I don't have a lover, a dog, cat, fish...hell, I don't even have any plants. I don't cook anymore, my idea of a gourmet meal is honey drizzled on a bowl of cereal. I'm bored. When did life become this way?

Sometimes I dream to get away. I dream about living in warm climates with beautiful scenery and I'm just...fancy. I walk around with high-heels all the time with colorful dresses and wide, floppy hats and I'm fabulous. I speak with an air of importance and people wonder about me. They whisper about me. I hear them but I act like I don't. They whisper and speculate "I bet she's an actress, or an author...she must be important" they say. I leave huge tips for waitresses and walk as if I glide. I hop into my fancy yellow convertible and drive off into the distance with my hair playfully dancing around my face.

I'm interesting.

Sometimes I'm a singer. I picture myself standing behind the stage, with thousands of fans chanting my name. I let the excitment build and stroll confidently to the middle of the stage in my red dress. I stand there and strike a Diana with my arms spread wide and just look around. I have a big, luscious black afro, sometimes there's a flower in it. Maybe I'll blow kisses. I let them cheer. When I finally take hold of the microphone, the crowd falls silent. They all wait with baited breath to hear the melody come from within. I know what they want. I take a deep breath and open my mouth and the most soulful sounds emerge. I surprise myself. I'm beautiful. I'm wanted. I'm worlds away from menial and meager and modest. I'm interesting.

Sometimes I wish I had a red dress...

PSAs

I mentioned PSAs. Sometimes I'll have random rants, annoyances, etc that I just have to get off my chest...here are a few:

If you have your heart set on a "steak dinner", just wait on the steak dinner. No matter how long it might take, wait on it. Having a happy meal "instead" or to "tie you over" will just leave you pissed off and still wanting steak. You're welcome.

Everyone that doesn't co-sign on your foolishness is NOT a "hater". Can we abolish this term in 2010? Most times the user isn't doing anything hate-WORTHY. Do better.

If there is something on your FB page that you don't want talked about/asked about either change your privacy settings or re-evaluate your friends list. You're welcome.

If you send someone ghetto snacks, funky flowers, pillow fights, hugs, kisses, farmville, cafe world, sorority life, mafia wars, We're family, make a baby or any other type of request and they never respond...please stop.

The word "but" negates everything before it. Think about that the next time you say "I don't mean to be disrespectful but..." "I respect your relationship but..." "I really love you but..."

Guys, any comment that ends in "for a..." is probably not a good idea. (Ex. ...for a big girl/...for a dark-skinned girl/...for an older woman) Don't do it to yourself.

If its cold enough for you to be wearing a hat, scarf, coat, boots...why is your toddler walking around in only a jogging suit? No wonder you're in the cold/flu aisle. Do better!

Please don't misuse the "like" button on FB. If someone posts "My Aunt died, please pray for our family" why the heck would you "like" that? If you're gonna pray, why don't you just comment and say so...why "like" it? I mean...think about it. SMH

Sometimes, all you have in life is your word. Make it count for something. If people can't trust that you'll come through when you say you will, what do you really have? Do better in 2010.

Pity parties are sooooo 2009, if you're having one...please don't invite me. It will spare us both an awkward moment. Thanks in advance.


So...what do you want the world to know?

The Expert of Everything

Sooooo, maybe you're wondering why I came up with the name of this blog when it's obvious that I'm not an expert.

It stems from a conversation I had with someone recently when she said that a mutual friend of hers said that my FB posts "annoy" her (specifically some PSAs that I did) and that she wonders when I was appointed "expert" of anything. Let's just say that set me off. Those of you who may be reading this that know me personally know that I can talk. I really can. I will talk about anything under the sun and offer my opinion if you ask me...and sometimes when you don't, but it's never malicious. I try not to be overbearing with my opinion and if I annoy you when I'm sharing MY feelings in MY personal space, then quite frankly, I don't give a damn. If it's not a personal attack then you are free to do what I like to call IGNORE me. Why am I even on your FB list then if I "annoy" you so much?

Clearly she was deleted with a quickness, but I just wanted to share a quick blurb about where that title came from. Get it? Good. :)

Technical stuff

I promise I will learn how to do all the fancy HTML and embedded pics that make eye candy, please be patient with me!!! :)

I can't stand the coloreds!!!!

So it came to pass that in the year 2010, when we are 1 year into an Obama Administration that the following things happen:

1) The first black, female mayor of Baltimore, MD is resigning due to a plea agreement stemming from a conviction of...stealing giftcards. Really? *sigh*
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/2010/01/07/2010-01-07_baltimore_mayor_sheila_dixon_pleads_guilty_to_corruption_charges_resigns.html

2) Michael Jackson's televised funeral was nominated for a NAACP Image Award. *needle scratches the record* Excuse me? A FUNERAL? Like with a casket and a preacher and a DEAD PERSON? Come again? Even more baffling, it is listed as a "variety show".

3) On the same token, Real Housewives of Atlanta was also nominated. I wonder what sealed the deal for them? "Who gon' check me boo?" or was it "Tardy for the party"? GTFOOH NAACP!!! Who do you have doing your nominations Rush Limbaugh? Did they just write down every show with black people in it and compile a list of noms? They can SUTTM because they are now irrelevant.

4) Gilbert Arenas. *deep dramatic breath* So you bring multiple REAL guns to your JOB and store them in your locker because 1) you didn't want them in your house with your kids and then you decide to play a joke on your COWORKER who owes you money and 2) pull gun out and attempt to kid about the situation, you then 3) apologize and say it was a dumb joke and you realize that anything to do with guns isn't funny and you realize how immature it was. Then you go to a game and huddle in a circle with your teammates and point "finger guns" at them as another joke. WTF? Dude, you need a new sense of humor. And now you're apoloLYING again? How about this...go sit in a corner and think about the stupid isht you just did. Is it funny? I'm just saying. If I went to my job and pulled out a gun, I can guarandamntee you ain't a mofo in there is gonna think it's funny. I'd be fired. You simple ass. You're a multi-millionaire. You ain't got a safe? Or a locked room? Hell, you coulda bought a condo just to store your guns. YOU are the bama of the week. week. week. (Does anyone know what Huggy Low Down actually looks like? lol)

5) White House gate crasher number 3. *whispers* He's BLACK!!!
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/2010/01/05/2010-01-05_third_uninvited_guest_crashed_white_house_state_dinner_in_november_secret_servic.html

Now I must admit, when the Salahi's crashed the State Dinner, I along with many other folks said something along the lines of "Now I bet if MY black ass tried to roll up in there, Secret Service would have had me locked up in some secret room strip searching me and giving me Chinese water torture to figure out HTF I did it." And here come DIS dude. Not only is he a black man, he's a black dude that wears Yankee fitted caps. Ain't this about a beyotch? He know his monkey-ass (see my intro post) ain't have NO business up in that dinner. And how come all these security breaches are happening all of a sudden? I bet heads would have ROLLED had this happened in a Dubya Administration. But I digress.

I think 5 instances are enough. I LOVE black folks, but I can't stand a colored. *walks away shaking my head in disdain*

Getting to know me...

So since we’re just meeting, let’s get to know each other a bit…shall we? I find that learning random facts about a person is a good way to break the ice. Let’s try it!

1)-I like to use acronyms. Hopefully you speak PJ, if not...just smile and nod, mmkay? My favorite ones are:
GTFOOH- Get the **** out of here
YHGTBKM- You have GOT to be kidding me
STHUTTM- Shut the hell up talking/typing to me

2) I can’t stand used tape. There is something about the dirt on the adhesive just freaks me out.

3) I can't sleep with my closet door open.

4) When I was younger, I snuck into the living room while my older cousins were watching "Nightmare on Elm Street". It was the one where the dude got sucked into the middle of the bed and then the bed started spouting all kinds of gooey isht. I was FREAKED TFO (that's PJ speak, I'm sure you can figure that one out).
I was scared to sleep in the middle of the bed until high school, lol. I always had a queen-size bed and my mom would come in my room and be like "Why you always sleep on the edge of the bed?" SMH Tragic.

5) I was once bit by a brown recluse spider and almost died. Thus, I have an irrational fear of spiders. Seriously. I will hyperventilate at the sight of a daddy long legs (which we ALL know aren't harmful). It's a sad situation.

6) I'm a reality health show junkie. Any type of medical, emergency, trauma, 'I didn't know I had a tumor and was pregnant with my twin and I died and came back to life' show will keep me enthralled for hours.

7) I did well in English, but I haven't taken an English class in years. Occasionally I mispell things and use improper punctuation and don't quite cite things the way I should but I figure that if I get my point across then folks will be okay because sometimes I feel like typing exactly how my train of thought is going and I really could give a damn if it's a run-on sentence like now I know I'm missing punctuation, but you're still reading so screw it...cuz I'm smart S-M-R-T!!!! (a la Homer Simpson) LOL, no really, I'm not that bad.

8) I have an uncanny ability to soothe babies and put them to sleep. I think it's the boobage. WMEs are what I like to call them. Weapons of Mass Exhaustion...for babies that is, and some men too, don't judge me.

9) I'm an extremely patient person, but my tolerance for stupidity is next to nil. My facial expressions are priceless when I get annoyed, or so I've been told.

10) Monkey-ass is one of the greatest insults ever. It makes me giggle. I like to giggle, lol. It's so simple and succint. "If you don't sit your monkey-ass down somewhere." One who heard that phrase would immediately sit said monkey-ass down, don't ya think?

11) I think Facebook is evil and addictive, kind of like Walmart. You go to walmart to buy one thing and end up in there for an hour and come out with all kinds of isht you don't need like motor oil because it was 2/$1.00. WTF? I don't even put my own oil in the car? WHY did I come in here for candlelights and leave with motor oil, a car mat, tuna fish and a welcome mat? *True Story* EVERYDAY I see something on FB that makes me shake my head, but I keep coming back. I'm some sort of masochist.

12) I'm lightweight addicted to updating my FB status. Sometimes I have to consciously stop myself from updating it. And my friends are a bunch on enablers. They LOL and IKTR (i know that's right...keep up) me all day. I guess they like me or something. *shrugs*

13) I tried Twitter once. I created an account and logged on, logged off about 30 seconds later and was like eff it...that was like a year ago. The funny thing is that I still get periodic emails saying "Brenda S. is now following you" huh? Following me where? I've never posted anything. WTF are you following me? Who are you Brenda S.? Nah, I don't twit, tweet none of that.

14) I'm very single. I tried a stint at online dating, ehhhh, I can do without the whole process. It feels like filling out a job application or completing a self-appraisal at work. I mean, I'm well aware of my best qualities, but how can you sum up yourself and your intentions in 500 characters or less? I'm verbose. Long-winded. Talkative. Wordy as hell. It takes me 500 characters to tell you what I wore to work today. SMH I once signed on to e-harmony because I heard good things about it. They have too many damn questions. I was on screen 5 of like 400 and was just like "eff it, I'll go buy some cats" and logged off. SMH Why is it so hard? That's a blog for another day.

15) I realize that one of my random thoughts said I was very patient and then I revealed that I didn't have patience to learn twitter or fill out an e-harmony application. Since I'm contradicting myself, lemme add that I have never finished a KSA for a government job (those things are sent from hell), I also don't have the patience to learn new phones. I get frustrated and will just leave it alone until I feel like dealing with it. I just thought that if I was going to contradict myself I'd be thorough about it.

16) My nose itches when I eat sunflower seeds. WTH?

17) All of my favorite male singers are little men. With the exception of a few, they are all TDs (titty dusters) or borderline at least. I think little men try harder, thus are better entertainers, lol. Anthony Hamilton, Raheem Devaughn, John Legend (not sure how short he is, but he has a little man persona), Musiq, Dwele, Stokely (Mint Condition-My most FAVORITEST BAND EVER!!!), etc.

18) I'm new to this blogging thing, but I figure if I can email randomness all day and update my FB status like it's a religious requirement I can give this a go, right? We'll go on this journey together.

19) I'm a really sweet person, but I'm a tad (read=helluva lot) sarcastic. It would probably behoove (I love that word) you to bring your sense of humor when you come "see" me, it's really just all jokes...usually.

20) I like ellipses...and parenthesis, I feel like they help me get my point across. Please don't go all English teacher on me when I OD on either.

Nice to meet you. :)