Countdown to 30. Volume 2-3

Yeah, so I'm already 30. (GO ME!!!!) My birthday was this past Monday and I was far too busy celebrating this weekend and this week to finish posting my random list. Nah, I'm just joking. I haven't been doing much of anything, but relaxing this week. I had a bit of computer trouble for a few days, but I digress.

Without further delay, more random thoughts:

11). I'm an email service provider snob. I had the same yahoo account from like 1993 until about 3-4 years ago. I LOVED my yahoo account, until I found gmail. Gmail trips sometimes, but it's like...perfect, lol. Every once in a while I get a resume from someone with a hotmail or live.com account and I admit that I turn my nose up a bit, lol. Even yahoo makes me roll my eyes a bit. Gmail is where it's at. :P

12). I've started to notice that 8 times out of 10, if someone cuts me off or does something idiotic in traffic AND they have any NFL paraphernalia on their car...they are a Dallas fan. LOL Dallas fans are so effing cocky. I find myself muttering "Damn Cowboy fans" at least once a week. YES, I realize this is a hugemongous generalization...but it's my blog so...

13). I have HORRIBLE luck with Comcast technicians. (Blog post to follow later.)

14). My father didn't get me a card for my birthday on Monday. I was quite disappointed. I mean, I wasn't expecting a gift, but I thought that he would have at least thought enough about it to give me a card on such a milestone birthday. Actually, neither of my parents did, but hey...it is what it is.

15). I came across a blog today that made me realize that things in my life that I want to complain about (like #14) aren't so important. www.jessicaliving.blogspot.com It may be a hard read for some, but it is definitely a lesson in never taking any of your loved ones for granted.

16). I can't stand "urban" commercials where "mainstream" companies try to appeal to an ethnic customer base by supposedly emulating what they think they want to see. They have black folk in there saying stuff like "You go girlfriend" all forced-like. Hate it. LOL

17). That being said...I friggin LOVE this commercial. ROFLOL!!!!!


It's totally genius and whoever came up with this marketing campaign needs a raise, lol.

18). Has anyone seen the preview for the new season of Project Runway? It seems a little "Dexter opening sequence" to me. And I LOVE Dexter, so I thought the preview was cool.

19). I need an interior designer. I have so many thoughts for how I want to decorate the condo and they are all blurring together. Blech. HGTV tends to do that to you. I LOVE Designed to Sell.

20). I like how my last few randoms were pretty much about tv, lol.

21). I really want some guacamole, but since it's well after 11pm, I should fall back. Sometimes I wish the kitchen (or at least the fridge and cupboards) came with one of those little invisible fences that you use to train dogs. If I got too close at the wrong time of day, it would just issue me a little electronic shock. Yeah...

22). Why do some FBers befriend celebrities, only to antagonize them at every turn? Like, why would you become a "fan" of something/someone you hold so much disdain for? Sometimes I see these people's posts and want to just yell/type GET A LIFE!!! Do you know how much energy it takes to follow someone around on the 'net telling them how much they suck? Especially when 10 times out of 9, the fan page for the celebrity or object probably is manned by some computer geek in pajamas sipping on a latte. *rolls eyes*

23). I think I want to take some culinary classes. I love watching Top Chef, Next Food Network Star and other cooking shows and it just makes me want to take my game to another level. I think I'm a pretty good cook, but I want the knowledge behind preparing the food that I eat.

24). I'm starting to think I should have just stuck to a 1-10 list, lol.

25). I have a minor crush on Clive Owen. Okay, it's a major crush, but there is just something about him.

26). My staycation is coming to an end. I can't believe it's almost Friday (it will be by the time this is posted). Funny how the week never flies by this quickly when I am at work.

27). Methinks I'm going to hit the pool tomorrow after my morning errands.

28). I'm having a gtg at my place this Saturday in celebration of my birthday. Honestly, it's not a birthday party, just a get together. We used to try to gather every month, but it's quickly becoming every few months now. At any rate, I love my friends and I can't wait!! Cupcakes and Cocktails...

29). I kind of wish I didn't have to go back to work. The first few days of vacation were a little boring. I felt like I should have been doing something more. One of my employees called me and gave his resignation, so I felt like I should be in the office to run point, but at some point on Wednesday, I just said "Eff it, I'm on vacation".

30) "Eff it, we on vacation" was our theme saying for the family cruise in 2007. The comedian (who did a family show, then an adults only show at midnight) came up with it during his act and we just ran with it. He was like "yeah, you and your wife will be in line at breakfast and a bartender will come by with some drinks of the day and you will say to your spouse "I shouldn't drink, it's 9 o'clock in the morning" then you pause and look at each other and say...UFCK IT, we on vacation!!!" LOL So everytime we would think of doing something out of the ordinary, we would say that. "just left the club at 3am and ya'll are going to eat pizza and ice cream? We have to get up by 6am to make our excursions but...oh hell, ufck it, we on vacation!" LOL

Countdown to 30. Volume I

So since a certain someone who shall remain nameless (*coughLMWPcough*) told me that I better get to blogging, I figured I would make a post before the weekend. I'm about to be staycationing like a mug and I canNOT WAIT!!! I don't have anything planned until next Saturday (Girl's Night In) and I am truly going to enjoy my week off and get settled in the new condo.

At any rate, I have been wondering what I was going to write about since yesterday and since my creativity is kinda jacked right now, I figured I would just give ya'll one of my infamous lists. Anyone who knows me well knows how much I love lists. Something about writing a list just automatically makes you feel productive, even if you AREN'T being productive, lol. I can count 3 lists in my immediate line of vision right now. There is the menu list for next Saturday, the to-do list for my Grandmother's 75th birthday party in September and a condo wish/to-do list for the new spot. You like how none of these lists are work-related, right? I digress...

I make lists for the grocery store...and then leave them at home. I make lists before vacation of things I want to pack and outfits I want to wear. I friggin love lists!!! They make me happy.

Today, in honor of my upcoming 30th birthday (Monday, July 19th...and I'll send you my paypal addy if you want to send a monetary donation to beautify PJ's condo LMAO I'm just joking...unless you were gonna do it. :-/), I will give you all a list of 30 random things (in three parts) that are on my mind. (My love of random facts is secondary only to my love of lists.)

In no particular order:

1). I just came back from a Staples run and saw a man riding a motorbike (not a motorcycle...the kind with the ledge in the ledge in the middle for your feet) wearing a white, long-sleeved dress shirt and a red and gray sweater vest. For real? You gonna mess around and have a heat stroke playa!

2). Target now has groceries. *angelssinging* As if Target wasn't my favorite store before, they have expanded their food section? Now you KNOW that made this fat girl squeal with glee. The first time I went in there and saw produce I was like "Why would I ever have to shop elsewhere?" I love Tarzhay.

3). As if I was wonderful at keeping up with this blog, I've just started another one (no posts yet) which will entail my journey to being a Maid of Honor in my friend's wedding next May. I make no promises. With work and school and my side-biz...yeah...

4). I'm on a conference call and I swear one of my Supervisors sounds like Uncle Ruckus. It makes me cringe to hear him speak in mixed company.

5). People who walk, talk, move slow annoy me. One of the chicks in my office walks slow and mumbles. When I see her coming I immediately get annoyed. Like put some pep in your step. Why everytime you say something to me I have to say "huh? what's that? Sorry?" Speak up!!! It just seems lazy to me.

6). I have a chair in my office, and since my office has a door and an opening (my boss is SOOO smart *rolls eyes* people can just walk in, sit down and start talking to me. It annoys me when I'm busy (whether with work or writing personal lists) so I've started piling items in the chair to prohibit people from sitting to converse with me. Why do people move the stuff out of the chair sometimes? I know the look on my face is priceless.

7). Send me some nice bridesmaid dress options for a plus-sized chick. Puhlease!!!? :)

8). Do you get offended by flabby arms? What about cellulite and stretch marks? I remember when I used to be deathly afraid of baring my arms because of the size of them. And while I do still get my bolero and shrug on, I've realized that...it's friggin' hot outside. If someone is offended by the sight of my flabby arms, they can remain offended. I'm not heatstrokin' for nobody. I'm sorry. There are certain outfits that I prefer to wear my arms covered with, but darnit, it's like my arms screamed GIVE US FREE like 2-3 years ago and I kinda stopped caring about what other people think. 10 times out of 9 they aren't even paying any attention to me and if they are, I'm sure that it's only a passing thought. So what?

9). There is a nice guy that I've been conversing with, but he does something that annoys the STEW out of me. He likes to "play" the "have you ever" game. You know where you are having a convo and he says "So, have you ever dated a guy that worked the hours that I do?" "Have you ever dated a guy that..." *sigh* Don't do that. I used to be one of those chicks who had a whole bunch of questions about the last chick you dated. "Have you ever dated a big girl?" "Have you ever dated someone that doesn't have her degree?" "Have you ever dated someone that you met online?" What I've come to realize and the reason why I don't get caught up in those types of convos is because I really don't give a f. I mean, so what if he did? Does that mean he's going to do it again? There are a lot of things I've done in the past that I won't do again. My past behavior in that respect doesn't indicate my future choices. Instead, I wish he would say things like "I would like it if we...", "How do you feel about the fact that I am...". To me, those are much more productive questions.

10). A heart convinced against it's will is of the same opinion still. Those "ties that bind" are a trip...

to be continued...

Beanie Man

I "met" beanie man on my lunch break. Yup, not to be confused with Beenie "Girls Dem Sugar" Man, this was Beanie Man. As in the dude driving a car with beanie babies and other random stuffed animals lining this rear window, front dash and hanging from the rear view mirror.

As I made the left turn, he was in opposing traffing and proceeded to honk his horn and whistle out the window and scream "Ayy Ayyy Aye MAMA!!!" *blankstare* For real? That's what's hot in the streets? You hollering at women in your Grandmama's Corolla? I vote No. Try your holla once you take the Beanie Bucket back. SMH

Where dey do that at? Even if he was driving a "normal" car, what did he expect to come of that situation? Was I supposed to be so impressed by his whistling skills and be compelled to pull over and wait for him to bust a U-turn to come talk to me? For real? We are endangering our lives for a holla now? We are in MOVING traffic, all you're doing by honking and whistling at me, is distracting me. What if I scare easily? Good gracious, sometimes I wonder how Earth got so populated, some folks are just clueless.

You Sir, are an idiot.

Getting to know me...

So since we’re just meeting, let’s get to know each other a bit…shall we? I find that learning random facts about a person is a good way to break the ice. Let’s try it!

1)-I like to use acronyms. Hopefully you speak PJ, if not...just smile and nod, mmkay? My favorite ones are:
GTFOOH- Get the **** out of here
YHGTBKM- You have GOT to be kidding me
STHUTTM- Shut the hell up talking/typing to me

2) I can’t stand used tape. There is something about the dirt on the adhesive just freaks me out.

3) I can't sleep with my closet door open.

4) When I was younger, I snuck into the living room while my older cousins were watching "Nightmare on Elm Street". It was the one where the dude got sucked into the middle of the bed and then the bed started spouting all kinds of gooey isht. I was FREAKED TFO (that's PJ speak, I'm sure you can figure that one out).
I was scared to sleep in the middle of the bed until high school, lol. I always had a queen-size bed and my mom would come in my room and be like "Why you always sleep on the edge of the bed?" SMH Tragic.

5) I was once bit by a brown recluse spider and almost died. Thus, I have an irrational fear of spiders. Seriously. I will hyperventilate at the sight of a daddy long legs (which we ALL know aren't harmful). It's a sad situation.

6) I'm a reality health show junkie. Any type of medical, emergency, trauma, 'I didn't know I had a tumor and was pregnant with my twin and I died and came back to life' show will keep me enthralled for hours.

7) I did well in English, but I haven't taken an English class in years. Occasionally I mispell things and use improper punctuation and don't quite cite things the way I should but I figure that if I get my point across then folks will be okay because sometimes I feel like typing exactly how my train of thought is going and I really could give a damn if it's a run-on sentence like now I know I'm missing punctuation, but you're still reading so screw it...cuz I'm smart S-M-R-T!!!! (a la Homer Simpson) LOL, no really, I'm not that bad.

8) I have an uncanny ability to soothe babies and put them to sleep. I think it's the boobage. WMEs are what I like to call them. Weapons of Mass Exhaustion...for babies that is, and some men too, don't judge me.

9) I'm an extremely patient person, but my tolerance for stupidity is next to nil. My facial expressions are priceless when I get annoyed, or so I've been told.

10) Monkey-ass is one of the greatest insults ever. It makes me giggle. I like to giggle, lol. It's so simple and succint. "If you don't sit your monkey-ass down somewhere." One who heard that phrase would immediately sit said monkey-ass down, don't ya think?

11) I think Facebook is evil and addictive, kind of like Walmart. You go to walmart to buy one thing and end up in there for an hour and come out with all kinds of isht you don't need like motor oil because it was 2/$1.00. WTF? I don't even put my own oil in the car? WHY did I come in here for candlelights and leave with motor oil, a car mat, tuna fish and a welcome mat? *True Story* EVERYDAY I see something on FB that makes me shake my head, but I keep coming back. I'm some sort of masochist.

12) I'm lightweight addicted to updating my FB status. Sometimes I have to consciously stop myself from updating it. And my friends are a bunch on enablers. They LOL and IKTR (i know that's right...keep up) me all day. I guess they like me or something. *shrugs*

13) I tried Twitter once. I created an account and logged on, logged off about 30 seconds later and was like eff it...that was like a year ago. The funny thing is that I still get periodic emails saying "Brenda S. is now following you" huh? Following me where? I've never posted anything. WTF are you following me? Who are you Brenda S.? Nah, I don't twit, tweet none of that.

14) I'm very single. I tried a stint at online dating, ehhhh, I can do without the whole process. It feels like filling out a job application or completing a self-appraisal at work. I mean, I'm well aware of my best qualities, but how can you sum up yourself and your intentions in 500 characters or less? I'm verbose. Long-winded. Talkative. Wordy as hell. It takes me 500 characters to tell you what I wore to work today. SMH I once signed on to e-harmony because I heard good things about it. They have too many damn questions. I was on screen 5 of like 400 and was just like "eff it, I'll go buy some cats" and logged off. SMH Why is it so hard? That's a blog for another day.

15) I realize that one of my random thoughts said I was very patient and then I revealed that I didn't have patience to learn twitter or fill out an e-harmony application. Since I'm contradicting myself, lemme add that I have never finished a KSA for a government job (those things are sent from hell), I also don't have the patience to learn new phones. I get frustrated and will just leave it alone until I feel like dealing with it. I just thought that if I was going to contradict myself I'd be thorough about it.

16) My nose itches when I eat sunflower seeds. WTH?

17) All of my favorite male singers are little men. With the exception of a few, they are all TDs (titty dusters) or borderline at least. I think little men try harder, thus are better entertainers, lol. Anthony Hamilton, Raheem Devaughn, John Legend (not sure how short he is, but he has a little man persona), Musiq, Dwele, Stokely (Mint Condition-My most FAVORITEST BAND EVER!!!), etc.

18) I'm new to this blogging thing, but I figure if I can email randomness all day and update my FB status like it's a religious requirement I can give this a go, right? We'll go on this journey together.

19) I'm a really sweet person, but I'm a tad (read=helluva lot) sarcastic. It would probably behoove (I love that word) you to bring your sense of humor when you come "see" me, it's really just all jokes...usually.

20) I like ellipses...and parenthesis, I feel like they help me get my point across. Please don't go all English teacher on me when I OD on either.

Nice to meet you. :)