over at www.coloredgirlsblogging.com
I've started a new blog, and TWSS will continue on over there!! :)
See ya!
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Countdown to 30. Volume 2-3
Yeah, so I'm already 30. (GO ME!!!!) My birthday was this past Monday and I was far too busy celebrating this weekend and this week to finish posting my random list. Nah, I'm just joking. I haven't been doing much of anything, but relaxing this week. I had a bit of computer trouble for a few days, but I digress.
Without further delay, more random thoughts:
11). I'm an email service provider snob. I had the same yahoo account from like 1993 until about 3-4 years ago. I LOVED my yahoo account, until I found gmail. Gmail trips sometimes, but it's like...perfect, lol. Every once in a while I get a resume from someone with a hotmail or live.com account and I admit that I turn my nose up a bit, lol. Even yahoo makes me roll my eyes a bit. Gmail is where it's at. :P
12). I've started to notice that 8 times out of 10, if someone cuts me off or does something idiotic in traffic AND they have any NFL paraphernalia on their car...they are a Dallas fan. LOL Dallas fans are so effing cocky. I find myself muttering "Damn Cowboy fans" at least once a week. YES, I realize this is a hugemongous generalization...but it's my blog so...
13). I have HORRIBLE luck with Comcast technicians. (Blog post to follow later.)
14). My father didn't get me a card for my birthday on Monday. I was quite disappointed. I mean, I wasn't expecting a gift, but I thought that he would have at least thought enough about it to give me a card on such a milestone birthday. Actually, neither of my parents did, but hey...it is what it is.
15). I came across a blog today that made me realize that things in my life that I want to complain about (like #14) aren't so important. www.jessicaliving.blogspot.com It may be a hard read for some, but it is definitely a lesson in never taking any of your loved ones for granted.
16). I can't stand "urban" commercials where "mainstream" companies try to appeal to an ethnic customer base by supposedly emulating what they think they want to see. They have black folk in there saying stuff like "You go girlfriend" all forced-like. Hate it. LOL
17). That being said...I friggin LOVE this commercial. ROFLOL!!!!!
It's totally genius and whoever came up with this marketing campaign needs a raise, lol.
18). Has anyone seen the preview for the new season of Project Runway? It seems a little "Dexter opening sequence" to me. And I LOVE Dexter, so I thought the preview was cool.
19). I need an interior designer. I have so many thoughts for how I want to decorate the condo and they are all blurring together. Blech. HGTV tends to do that to you. I LOVE Designed to Sell.
20). I like how my last few randoms were pretty much about tv, lol.
21). I really want some guacamole, but since it's well after 11pm, I should fall back. Sometimes I wish the kitchen (or at least the fridge and cupboards) came with one of those little invisible fences that you use to train dogs. If I got too close at the wrong time of day, it would just issue me a little electronic shock. Yeah...
22). Why do some FBers befriend celebrities, only to antagonize them at every turn? Like, why would you become a "fan" of something/someone you hold so much disdain for? Sometimes I see these people's posts and want to just yell/type GET A LIFE!!! Do you know how much energy it takes to follow someone around on the 'net telling them how much they suck? Especially when 10 times out of 9, the fan page for the celebrity or object probably is manned by some computer geek in pajamas sipping on a latte. *rolls eyes*
23). I think I want to take some culinary classes. I love watching Top Chef, Next Food Network Star and other cooking shows and it just makes me want to take my game to another level. I think I'm a pretty good cook, but I want the knowledge behind preparing the food that I eat.
24). I'm starting to think I should have just stuck to a 1-10 list, lol.
25). I have a minor crush on Clive Owen. Okay, it's a major crush, but there is just something about him.
26). My staycation is coming to an end. I can't believe it's almost Friday (it will be by the time this is posted). Funny how the week never flies by this quickly when I am at work.
27). Methinks I'm going to hit the pool tomorrow after my morning errands.
28). I'm having a gtg at my place this Saturday in celebration of my birthday. Honestly, it's not a birthday party, just a get together. We used to try to gather every month, but it's quickly becoming every few months now. At any rate, I love my friends and I can't wait!! Cupcakes and Cocktails...
29). I kind of wish I didn't have to go back to work. The first few days of vacation were a little boring. I felt like I should have been doing something more. One of my employees called me and gave his resignation, so I felt like I should be in the office to run point, but at some point on Wednesday, I just said "Eff it, I'm on vacation".
30) "Eff it, we on vacation" was our theme saying for the family cruise in 2007. The comedian (who did a family show, then an adults only show at midnight) came up with it during his act and we just ran with it. He was like "yeah, you and your wife will be in line at breakfast and a bartender will come by with some drinks of the day and you will say to your spouse "I shouldn't drink, it's 9 o'clock in the morning" then you pause and look at each other and say...UFCK IT, we on vacation!!!" LOL So everytime we would think of doing something out of the ordinary, we would say that. "just left the club at 3am and ya'll are going to eat pizza and ice cream? We have to get up by 6am to make our excursions but...oh hell, ufck it, we on vacation!" LOL
Without further delay, more random thoughts:
11). I'm an email service provider snob. I had the same yahoo account from like 1993 until about 3-4 years ago. I LOVED my yahoo account, until I found gmail. Gmail trips sometimes, but it's like...perfect, lol. Every once in a while I get a resume from someone with a hotmail or live.com account and I admit that I turn my nose up a bit, lol. Even yahoo makes me roll my eyes a bit. Gmail is where it's at. :P
12). I've started to notice that 8 times out of 10, if someone cuts me off or does something idiotic in traffic AND they have any NFL paraphernalia on their car...they are a Dallas fan. LOL Dallas fans are so effing cocky. I find myself muttering "Damn Cowboy fans" at least once a week. YES, I realize this is a hugemongous generalization...but it's my blog so...
13). I have HORRIBLE luck with Comcast technicians. (Blog post to follow later.)
14). My father didn't get me a card for my birthday on Monday. I was quite disappointed. I mean, I wasn't expecting a gift, but I thought that he would have at least thought enough about it to give me a card on such a milestone birthday. Actually, neither of my parents did, but hey...it is what it is.
15). I came across a blog today that made me realize that things in my life that I want to complain about (like #14) aren't so important. www.jessicaliving.blogspot.com It may be a hard read for some, but it is definitely a lesson in never taking any of your loved ones for granted.
16). I can't stand "urban" commercials where "mainstream" companies try to appeal to an ethnic customer base by supposedly emulating what they think they want to see. They have black folk in there saying stuff like "You go girlfriend" all forced-like. Hate it. LOL
17). That being said...I friggin LOVE this commercial. ROFLOL!!!!!
It's totally genius and whoever came up with this marketing campaign needs a raise, lol.
18). Has anyone seen the preview for the new season of Project Runway? It seems a little "Dexter opening sequence" to me. And I LOVE Dexter, so I thought the preview was cool.
19). I need an interior designer. I have so many thoughts for how I want to decorate the condo and they are all blurring together. Blech. HGTV tends to do that to you. I LOVE Designed to Sell.
20). I like how my last few randoms were pretty much about tv, lol.
21). I really want some guacamole, but since it's well after 11pm, I should fall back. Sometimes I wish the kitchen (or at least the fridge and cupboards) came with one of those little invisible fences that you use to train dogs. If I got too close at the wrong time of day, it would just issue me a little electronic shock. Yeah...
22). Why do some FBers befriend celebrities, only to antagonize them at every turn? Like, why would you become a "fan" of something/someone you hold so much disdain for? Sometimes I see these people's posts and want to just yell/type GET A LIFE!!! Do you know how much energy it takes to follow someone around on the 'net telling them how much they suck? Especially when 10 times out of 9, the fan page for the celebrity or object probably is manned by some computer geek in pajamas sipping on a latte. *rolls eyes*
23). I think I want to take some culinary classes. I love watching Top Chef, Next Food Network Star and other cooking shows and it just makes me want to take my game to another level. I think I'm a pretty good cook, but I want the knowledge behind preparing the food that I eat.
24). I'm starting to think I should have just stuck to a 1-10 list, lol.
25). I have a minor crush on Clive Owen. Okay, it's a major crush, but there is just something about him.
26). My staycation is coming to an end. I can't believe it's almost Friday (it will be by the time this is posted). Funny how the week never flies by this quickly when I am at work.
27). Methinks I'm going to hit the pool tomorrow after my morning errands.
28). I'm having a gtg at my place this Saturday in celebration of my birthday. Honestly, it's not a birthday party, just a get together. We used to try to gather every month, but it's quickly becoming every few months now. At any rate, I love my friends and I can't wait!! Cupcakes and Cocktails...
29). I kind of wish I didn't have to go back to work. The first few days of vacation were a little boring. I felt like I should have been doing something more. One of my employees called me and gave his resignation, so I felt like I should be in the office to run point, but at some point on Wednesday, I just said "Eff it, I'm on vacation".
30) "Eff it, we on vacation" was our theme saying for the family cruise in 2007. The comedian (who did a family show, then an adults only show at midnight) came up with it during his act and we just ran with it. He was like "yeah, you and your wife will be in line at breakfast and a bartender will come by with some drinks of the day and you will say to your spouse "I shouldn't drink, it's 9 o'clock in the morning" then you pause and look at each other and say...UFCK IT, we on vacation!!!" LOL So everytime we would think of doing something out of the ordinary, we would say that. "just left the club at 3am and ya'll are going to eat pizza and ice cream? We have to get up by 6am to make our excursions but...oh hell, ufck it, we on vacation!" LOL
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Countdown to 30. Volume I
So since a certain someone who shall remain nameless (*coughLMWPcough*) told me that I better get to blogging, I figured I would make a post before the weekend. I'm about to be staycationing like a mug and I canNOT WAIT!!! I don't have anything planned until next Saturday (Girl's Night In) and I am truly going to enjoy my week off and get settled in the new condo.
At any rate, I have been wondering what I was going to write about since yesterday and since my creativity is kinda jacked right now, I figured I would just give ya'll one of my infamous lists. Anyone who knows me well knows how much I love lists. Something about writing a list just automatically makes you feel productive, even if you AREN'T being productive, lol. I can count 3 lists in my immediate line of vision right now. There is the menu list for next Saturday, the to-do list for my Grandmother's 75th birthday party in September and a condo wish/to-do list for the new spot. You like how none of these lists are work-related, right? I digress...
I make lists for the grocery store...and then leave them at home. I make lists before vacation of things I want to pack and outfits I want to wear. I friggin love lists!!! They make me happy.
Today, in honor of my upcoming 30th birthday (Monday, July 19th...and I'll send you my paypal addy if you want to send a monetary donation to beautify PJ's condo LMAO I'm just joking...unless you were gonna do it. :-/), I will give you all a list of 30 random things (in three parts) that are on my mind. (My love of random facts is secondary only to my love of lists.)
In no particular order:
1). I just came back from a Staples run and saw a man riding a motorbike (not a motorcycle...the kind with the ledge in the ledge in the middle for your feet) wearing a white, long-sleeved dress shirt and a red and gray sweater vest. For real? You gonna mess around and have a heat stroke playa!
2). Target now has groceries. *angelssinging* As if Target wasn't my favorite store before, they have expanded their food section? Now you KNOW that made this fat girl squeal with glee. The first time I went in there and saw produce I was like "Why would I ever have to shop elsewhere?" I love Tarzhay.
3). As if I was wonderful at keeping up with this blog, I've just started another one (no posts yet) which will entail my journey to being a Maid of Honor in my friend's wedding next May. I make no promises. With work and school and my side-biz...yeah...
4). I'm on a conference call and I swear one of my Supervisors sounds like Uncle Ruckus. It makes me cringe to hear him speak in mixed company.
5). People who walk, talk, move slow annoy me. One of the chicks in my office walks slow and mumbles. When I see her coming I immediately get annoyed. Like put some pep in your step. Why everytime you say something to me I have to say "huh? what's that? Sorry?" Speak up!!! It just seems lazy to me.
6). I have a chair in my office, and since my office has a door and an opening (my boss is SOOO smart *rolls eyes* people can just walk in, sit down and start talking to me. It annoys me when I'm busy (whether with work or writing personal lists) so I've started piling items in the chair to prohibit people from sitting to converse with me. Why do people move the stuff out of the chair sometimes? I know the look on my face is priceless.
7). Send me some nice bridesmaid dress options for a plus-sized chick. Puhlease!!!? :)
8). Do you get offended by flabby arms? What about cellulite and stretch marks? I remember when I used to be deathly afraid of baring my arms because of the size of them. And while I do still get my bolero and shrug on, I've realized that...it's friggin' hot outside. If someone is offended by the sight of my flabby arms, they can remain offended. I'm not heatstrokin' for nobody. I'm sorry. There are certain outfits that I prefer to wear my arms covered with, but darnit, it's like my arms screamed GIVE US FREE like 2-3 years ago and I kinda stopped caring about what other people think. 10 times out of 9 they aren't even paying any attention to me and if they are, I'm sure that it's only a passing thought. So what?
9). There is a nice guy that I've been conversing with, but he does something that annoys the STEW out of me. He likes to "play" the "have you ever" game. You know where you are having a convo and he says "So, have you ever dated a guy that worked the hours that I do?" "Have you ever dated a guy that..." *sigh* Don't do that. I used to be one of those chicks who had a whole bunch of questions about the last chick you dated. "Have you ever dated a big girl?" "Have you ever dated someone that doesn't have her degree?" "Have you ever dated someone that you met online?" What I've come to realize and the reason why I don't get caught up in those types of convos is because I really don't give a f. I mean, so what if he did? Does that mean he's going to do it again? There are a lot of things I've done in the past that I won't do again. My past behavior in that respect doesn't indicate my future choices. Instead, I wish he would say things like "I would like it if we...", "How do you feel about the fact that I am...". To me, those are much more productive questions.
10). A heart convinced against it's will is of the same opinion still. Those "ties that bind" are a trip...
to be continued...
At any rate, I have been wondering what I was going to write about since yesterday and since my creativity is kinda jacked right now, I figured I would just give ya'll one of my infamous lists. Anyone who knows me well knows how much I love lists. Something about writing a list just automatically makes you feel productive, even if you AREN'T being productive, lol. I can count 3 lists in my immediate line of vision right now. There is the menu list for next Saturday, the to-do list for my Grandmother's 75th birthday party in September and a condo wish/to-do list for the new spot. You like how none of these lists are work-related, right? I digress...
I make lists for the grocery store...and then leave them at home. I make lists before vacation of things I want to pack and outfits I want to wear. I friggin love lists!!! They make me happy.
Today, in honor of my upcoming 30th birthday (Monday, July 19th...and I'll send you my paypal addy if you want to send a monetary donation to beautify PJ's condo LMAO I'm just joking...unless you were gonna do it. :-/), I will give you all a list of 30 random things (in three parts) that are on my mind. (My love of random facts is secondary only to my love of lists.)
In no particular order:
1). I just came back from a Staples run and saw a man riding a motorbike (not a motorcycle...the kind with the ledge in the ledge in the middle for your feet) wearing a white, long-sleeved dress shirt and a red and gray sweater vest. For real? You gonna mess around and have a heat stroke playa!
2). Target now has groceries. *angelssinging* As if Target wasn't my favorite store before, they have expanded their food section? Now you KNOW that made this fat girl squeal with glee. The first time I went in there and saw produce I was like "Why would I ever have to shop elsewhere?" I love Tarzhay.
3). As if I was wonderful at keeping up with this blog, I've just started another one (no posts yet) which will entail my journey to being a Maid of Honor in my friend's wedding next May. I make no promises. With work and school and my side-biz...yeah...
4). I'm on a conference call and I swear one of my Supervisors sounds like Uncle Ruckus. It makes me cringe to hear him speak in mixed company.
5). People who walk, talk, move slow annoy me. One of the chicks in my office walks slow and mumbles. When I see her coming I immediately get annoyed. Like put some pep in your step. Why everytime you say something to me I have to say "huh? what's that? Sorry?" Speak up!!! It just seems lazy to me.
6). I have a chair in my office, and since my office has a door and an opening (my boss is SOOO smart *rolls eyes* people can just walk in, sit down and start talking to me. It annoys me when I'm busy (whether with work or writing personal lists) so I've started piling items in the chair to prohibit people from sitting to converse with me. Why do people move the stuff out of the chair sometimes? I know the look on my face is priceless.
7). Send me some nice bridesmaid dress options for a plus-sized chick. Puhlease!!!? :)
8). Do you get offended by flabby arms? What about cellulite and stretch marks? I remember when I used to be deathly afraid of baring my arms because of the size of them. And while I do still get my bolero and shrug on, I've realized that...it's friggin' hot outside. If someone is offended by the sight of my flabby arms, they can remain offended. I'm not heatstrokin' for nobody. I'm sorry. There are certain outfits that I prefer to wear my arms covered with, but darnit, it's like my arms screamed GIVE US FREE like 2-3 years ago and I kinda stopped caring about what other people think. 10 times out of 9 they aren't even paying any attention to me and if they are, I'm sure that it's only a passing thought. So what?
9). There is a nice guy that I've been conversing with, but he does something that annoys the STEW out of me. He likes to "play" the "have you ever" game. You know where you are having a convo and he says "So, have you ever dated a guy that worked the hours that I do?" "Have you ever dated a guy that..." *sigh* Don't do that. I used to be one of those chicks who had a whole bunch of questions about the last chick you dated. "Have you ever dated a big girl?" "Have you ever dated someone that doesn't have her degree?" "Have you ever dated someone that you met online?" What I've come to realize and the reason why I don't get caught up in those types of convos is because I really don't give a f. I mean, so what if he did? Does that mean he's going to do it again? There are a lot of things I've done in the past that I won't do again. My past behavior in that respect doesn't indicate my future choices. Instead, I wish he would say things like "I would like it if we...", "How do you feel about the fact that I am...". To me, those are much more productive questions.
10). A heart convinced against it's will is of the same opinion still. Those "ties that bind" are a trip...
to be continued...
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Random Acts of Mediocrity, Volume 2
Dear Blondie,
Why is it that you ask me like once a month how to check your voicemail? You have been here for about...4 months now, shouldn't you know this by now? The last time you asked me, the convo went like this:
Me: Take at look at the Cheat Sheet I gave you when you started.
Blondie: *goes in office, then comes back to my office* What's my password?
Me: *blankstare* Umm...did you change it from the default?
Her: No, because nobody ever calls and leaves me a message
Me: Umm, ok. How do you know? Is the red light blinking on your phone?
Her: Yeah, but that's always on
*pause for PJ throwing a tantrum*
Today you ask me "Do you remember my password?"
Me: *sigh* No. Did you change it from the default?
Her: No.
Me: Then try 999, then your extension, then #
Her: What's my extension?
I nearly blew a gasket. I realize you don't ever call yourself. I realize that most people who call for you call your company cell phone or call the operator and get tranferred, but HOW IN THE HAYLE do you work somewhere for almost FOUR MONTHS and not know your extension?
OMG!!!!!! *faint* You can't even be serious! If you ask me ONE. MORE. TIME. about your dayum voicemail, voicemail password, extension, or anything else that I've ALREADY TOLD YOU, I'm writing you up. I ain't even joking. I'm FAserious.
Why is it that you ask me like once a month how to check your voicemail? You have been here for about...4 months now, shouldn't you know this by now? The last time you asked me, the convo went like this:
Me: Take at look at the Cheat Sheet I gave you when you started.
Blondie: *goes in office, then comes back to my office* What's my password?
Me: *blankstare* Umm...did you change it from the default?
Her: No, because nobody ever calls and leaves me a message
Me: Umm, ok. How do you know? Is the red light blinking on your phone?
Her: Yeah, but that's always on
*pause for PJ throwing a tantrum*
Today you ask me "Do you remember my password?"
Me: *sigh* No. Did you change it from the default?
Her: No.
Me: Then try 999, then your extension, then #
Her: What's my extension?
I nearly blew a gasket. I realize you don't ever call yourself. I realize that most people who call for you call your company cell phone or call the operator and get tranferred, but HOW IN THE HAYLE do you work somewhere for almost FOUR MONTHS and not know your extension?
OMG!!!!!! *faint* You can't even be serious! If you ask me ONE. MORE. TIME. about your dayum voicemail, voicemail password, extension, or anything else that I've ALREADY TOLD YOU, I'm writing you up. I ain't even joking. I'm FAserious.
Friday, June 18, 2010
Beanie Man
I "met" beanie man on my lunch break. Yup, not to be confused with Beenie "Girls Dem Sugar" Man, this was Beanie Man. As in the dude driving a car with beanie babies and other random stuffed animals lining this rear window, front dash and hanging from the rear view mirror.
As I made the left turn, he was in opposing traffing and proceeded to honk his horn and whistle out the window and scream "Ayy Ayyy Aye MAMA!!!" *blankstare* For real? That's what's hot in the streets? You hollering at women in your Grandmama's Corolla? I vote No. Try your holla once you take the Beanie Bucket back. SMH
Where dey do that at? Even if he was driving a "normal" car, what did he expect to come of that situation? Was I supposed to be so impressed by his whistling skills and be compelled to pull over and wait for him to bust a U-turn to come talk to me? For real? We are endangering our lives for a holla now? We are in MOVING traffic, all you're doing by honking and whistling at me, is distracting me. What if I scare easily? Good gracious, sometimes I wonder how Earth got so populated, some folks are just clueless.
You Sir, are an idiot.
As I made the left turn, he was in opposing traffing and proceeded to honk his horn and whistle out the window and scream "Ayy Ayyy Aye MAMA!!!" *blankstare* For real? That's what's hot in the streets? You hollering at women in your Grandmama's Corolla? I vote No. Try your holla once you take the Beanie Bucket back. SMH
Where dey do that at? Even if he was driving a "normal" car, what did he expect to come of that situation? Was I supposed to be so impressed by his whistling skills and be compelled to pull over and wait for him to bust a U-turn to come talk to me? For real? We are endangering our lives for a holla now? We are in MOVING traffic, all you're doing by honking and whistling at me, is distracting me. What if I scare easily? Good gracious, sometimes I wonder how Earth got so populated, some folks are just clueless.
You Sir, are an idiot.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Secret Single Behavior
So if you're an avid SATC fan, you will remember the episode where Carrie talked about Secret Single Behavior that every woman has that we become embarassed about when we invite someone else into our space. I had another example of it last night and of course my first inclination was to blog about it.
My home-dude (don't ask for any clarification on that, because it really is as complicated as it seems...4-5 years later) comes over periodically and raids my fridge. Well, I usually invite him over if I cook, but mostly, he trolls for snacks. Last night, he was here and I told him there was some guacamole in the fridge and he went in...then said something like "Babe, I think this guac is going bad" and I realized he'd grabbed the wrong bowl. I yelled from the other room "Don't eat it! That's the wrong bowl! That's henna...for my hair!" His response was "WTF?" He grabbed the right bowl and immediately started munching, but I cracked up inside thinking of how "wrong" that might have turned out. LOL
[sidebar] For those that don't know, here is a batch of freshly mixed henna
[/endsidebar]
Anyway, that made me think about all of the things I do as a single woman that lives alone that wouldn't fly if I was living with a mate. I can't just leave random hair concoctions in the fridge with no explanation. Likewise, he might look at me crazy as I slop the "baby poo looking" stuff in my hair and wrap it with saran wrap and plastic bags, line my pillows with a beach towel and sleep in it. He might give me a colossal side-eye if I came to bed smelling like fish food (which in my opinion is what henna smells like, fish food on acid). He might think I was an incontinent, trifling heffa if I left the papertowel with said "poo" substance on the side of the sink after I'd wiped from around my forehead and ears and the towel with the "poo" stains on it on the top of the laundry basket.
What about when I want to clean my pores with Biore strips? Will he look at me odd if I walked around and cooked dinner with my nose covered in paper tape? Because you know that's all those strips are...paper tape. Would he think I'm still sexy?
What about if I wore my boxer shorts with the hugemongous hole in them? The hole that is so big, sometimes I mistakenly put my foot through it when I put them on. Would he think I was messy? What if I explained that they were just THE most comfortable pair of boxers I own? I would never wear them if I knew he was coming over, but occassionally, I get out of the shower with the express intent to put those shorts and a ratty t-shirt on.
What about the days when all I want for dinner is cereal. Then I eat the cereal and decide to have a glass of wine...does that make me weird?
Or what about when AF is lurking and I make 50 million trips to the kitchen in search of snacks. When I stand in front of the fridge and cabinet knowing full-well everything that's in there because I bought it, but I still stand there, expecting for some wonderful combination of goodies to jump out at me and say "EAT ME PEEJAY!"
What about those days and weeks where I just don't feel like being bothered with TV and I just listen to music for days on end. When I sing to my heart's content and cry for no reason because the songs "moved me" and repeat the same song 10 times.
What about when I bring a folder chair into the bathroom as I do my facial cleansing, just so I can look in the mirror and sing to myself and tell myself how beautiful I am. Would he tell me to shut up and turn on the tv?
What about when I turn on the A/C only to curl up on the couch under a blanket to watch a movie? Would he yell for me wasting electricity? I don't do it often, but sometimes, just sometimes...it makes me happy.
What becomes of all my secret, single behavior when I find "the one"?
My home-dude (don't ask for any clarification on that, because it really is as complicated as it seems...4-5 years later) comes over periodically and raids my fridge. Well, I usually invite him over if I cook, but mostly, he trolls for snacks. Last night, he was here and I told him there was some guacamole in the fridge and he went in...then said something like "Babe, I think this guac is going bad" and I realized he'd grabbed the wrong bowl. I yelled from the other room "Don't eat it! That's the wrong bowl! That's henna...for my hair!" His response was "WTF?" He grabbed the right bowl and immediately started munching, but I cracked up inside thinking of how "wrong" that might have turned out. LOL
[sidebar] For those that don't know, here is a batch of freshly mixed henna
[/endsidebar]
Anyway, that made me think about all of the things I do as a single woman that lives alone that wouldn't fly if I was living with a mate. I can't just leave random hair concoctions in the fridge with no explanation. Likewise, he might look at me crazy as I slop the "baby poo looking" stuff in my hair and wrap it with saran wrap and plastic bags, line my pillows with a beach towel and sleep in it. He might give me a colossal side-eye if I came to bed smelling like fish food (which in my opinion is what henna smells like, fish food on acid). He might think I was an incontinent, trifling heffa if I left the papertowel with said "poo" substance on the side of the sink after I'd wiped from around my forehead and ears and the towel with the "poo" stains on it on the top of the laundry basket.
What about when I want to clean my pores with Biore strips? Will he look at me odd if I walked around and cooked dinner with my nose covered in paper tape? Because you know that's all those strips are...paper tape. Would he think I'm still sexy?
What about if I wore my boxer shorts with the hugemongous hole in them? The hole that is so big, sometimes I mistakenly put my foot through it when I put them on. Would he think I was messy? What if I explained that they were just THE most comfortable pair of boxers I own? I would never wear them if I knew he was coming over, but occassionally, I get out of the shower with the express intent to put those shorts and a ratty t-shirt on.
What about the days when all I want for dinner is cereal. Then I eat the cereal and decide to have a glass of wine...does that make me weird?
Or what about when AF is lurking and I make 50 million trips to the kitchen in search of snacks. When I stand in front of the fridge and cabinet knowing full-well everything that's in there because I bought it, but I still stand there, expecting for some wonderful combination of goodies to jump out at me and say "EAT ME PEEJAY!"
What about those days and weeks where I just don't feel like being bothered with TV and I just listen to music for days on end. When I sing to my heart's content and cry for no reason because the songs "moved me" and repeat the same song 10 times.
What about when I bring a folder chair into the bathroom as I do my facial cleansing, just so I can look in the mirror and sing to myself and tell myself how beautiful I am. Would he tell me to shut up and turn on the tv?
What about when I turn on the A/C only to curl up on the couch under a blanket to watch a movie? Would he yell for me wasting electricity? I don't do it often, but sometimes, just sometimes...it makes me happy.
What becomes of all my secret, single behavior when I find "the one"?
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Footsteps in the dark...
So I've come to a conclusion. I'm not going to discuss any music anymore with anyone that I'm romantically involved with. Yeah...that's what I've decided. We can't listen to music together, don't take me to a concert, if we're in the car, let's listen to talk radio because music is like a sponge, that soaks up whatever memory you are experiencing and rings it out EVERY TIME you hear that song. At least that's how it is for me.
*long, dramatic sigh*
Of course I have a story about this, several actually...but I won't bore you with the details. I'll just say that listening to the Music Choice station today while I got some things done took me through a range of emotions from sadness to regret, from anger to joy, from lust to disgust, lol. It seemed as though every other song held some type of memory that gave me pause.
Why is it that music is the tie that binds the heart to the past, even when we think we've moved on? Why is it that just a beginning chord of a song can work those heart strings the way that it does? Have you ever had a situation where you had to catch yourself from getting caught up just because of the song you were listening to?
Speak on it...
*long, dramatic sigh*
Of course I have a story about this, several actually...but I won't bore you with the details. I'll just say that listening to the Music Choice station today while I got some things done took me through a range of emotions from sadness to regret, from anger to joy, from lust to disgust, lol. It seemed as though every other song held some type of memory that gave me pause.
Why is it that music is the tie that binds the heart to the past, even when we think we've moved on? Why is it that just a beginning chord of a song can work those heart strings the way that it does? Have you ever had a situation where you had to catch yourself from getting caught up just because of the song you were listening to?
Speak on it...
Friday, May 21, 2010
The BEST is yet to come!!!
So I am so excited and I thought I'd blog about it because...well, it's my blog, lol.
So some of you that read this know that I have a "side-hustle", and I haven't really been doing it like I want to, but I've been dabbling here and there. Anyway, last night we had a monthly meeting and one of our colleagues in the area was promoted as the first to make it to that particular level. Along with that promotion and recognition, there is also a $5,000 bonus. Do you know the President and Founder of the company presented her with an $11,000 check? *faint* Including the bonus, that was STRICTLY commission and residual earnings only for the month of April. $11K for ONE month? Mannnn, if that didn't light a fire under me to get moving, I don't know what will. I can't imagine what it would be like to bring in that kind of money doing something that I like and that seems so easy! Even the "meager" checks that they passed out were $1-5K. I really could use that money.
The thing is, I'm not much of a sales person. I've sold makeup and things like that, but I never really liked it because I don't like to "bother" people. I'm the type of person that will mention something to you if I think you'd like it, but I'm not a hard-pitch kind of person. I'm not the type of person that will walk up to a total stranger and try to get them to do a facial in the Shoppers parking lot, lol. Couldn't do it. But this is a fit for me. And it fits into my greater plan of financial responsibility and comfort. Riches/Wealth is wonderful, but I just want to be comfortable. I want to not be stressed. I want to wake up and do what *I* want, and not have to be worried about the fact that I'm doing something that does nothing to better myself or help anyone else...besides get them rich.
I'm on the course to finish my nursing degree, not because I want to make bookoo money, truth be told, when I first start out, I probably won't be making more than what I'm making right now, but at least I'll feel some type of fulfillment in my job. I want to have a purpose, I want to wake up and say "Wow, I get to do my job today", not "Damn, I gotta go to work."
I wanted to blog about it because I wanted to encourage you to think about what you like to do and see how you can make it profitable. I know so many crafty sisters that could make that into a business. Do you bake cakes? Make invitations? Make hair products? Motivate people into working out/lose weight? Do hair on the side? Write well? Do you blog? What do you love to do? Find those talents and see how you can monetize it. Find your niche. I have this opportunity and it is a good fit for me because it's fun and something *I* can see myself doing, and I will be successful with it because I believe in it. What do you believe in? What do you do for fun that can enhance your life?
Think about it...then do something about it!
Peace!!! :)
So some of you that read this know that I have a "side-hustle", and I haven't really been doing it like I want to, but I've been dabbling here and there. Anyway, last night we had a monthly meeting and one of our colleagues in the area was promoted as the first to make it to that particular level. Along with that promotion and recognition, there is also a $5,000 bonus. Do you know the President and Founder of the company presented her with an $11,000 check? *faint* Including the bonus, that was STRICTLY commission and residual earnings only for the month of April. $11K for ONE month? Mannnn, if that didn't light a fire under me to get moving, I don't know what will. I can't imagine what it would be like to bring in that kind of money doing something that I like and that seems so easy! Even the "meager" checks that they passed out were $1-5K. I really could use that money.
The thing is, I'm not much of a sales person. I've sold makeup and things like that, but I never really liked it because I don't like to "bother" people. I'm the type of person that will mention something to you if I think you'd like it, but I'm not a hard-pitch kind of person. I'm not the type of person that will walk up to a total stranger and try to get them to do a facial in the Shoppers parking lot, lol. Couldn't do it. But this is a fit for me. And it fits into my greater plan of financial responsibility and comfort. Riches/Wealth is wonderful, but I just want to be comfortable. I want to not be stressed. I want to wake up and do what *I* want, and not have to be worried about the fact that I'm doing something that does nothing to better myself or help anyone else...besides get them rich.
I'm on the course to finish my nursing degree, not because I want to make bookoo money, truth be told, when I first start out, I probably won't be making more than what I'm making right now, but at least I'll feel some type of fulfillment in my job. I want to have a purpose, I want to wake up and say "Wow, I get to do my job today", not "Damn, I gotta go to work."
I wanted to blog about it because I wanted to encourage you to think about what you like to do and see how you can make it profitable. I know so many crafty sisters that could make that into a business. Do you bake cakes? Make invitations? Make hair products? Motivate people into working out/lose weight? Do hair on the side? Write well? Do you blog? What do you love to do? Find those talents and see how you can monetize it. Find your niche. I have this opportunity and it is a good fit for me because it's fun and something *I* can see myself doing, and I will be successful with it because I believe in it. What do you believe in? What do you do for fun that can enhance your life?
Think about it...then do something about it!
Peace!!! :)
Saturday, May 15, 2010
How do you see yourself?
When is the last time you looked at your naked self in the mirror? The other day my reflection caught me as I exited the shower and I stood there, mesmerized, and for about 20 minutes I twisted and turned, lifted my arms, moved my belly, and generally checked out my assets. I'm overweight, and while I want to reshape my body, in general, I think I'm beautiful...but I can't tell you the last time my eyes lingered on my naked body. There is something inherently beautiful about accepting yourself exactly the way you are. Not that you cease to strive to improve, but to look at yourself in the mirror with all your perceived faults and say "I'm a sexy MF'er" (or some variation of that, lol). I looked at myself and marveled at the fact that even though I'm carrying umpteen extra pounds, my body works...well. My arms are fleshy, but they are able to lift my Godson and hold him in the air while he squeals with delight. My tummy might be round, but it's a beautiful tan color and baby soft. I might have thunder thighs, but they are solid and shapely. My hips might be wide, but I know that when the time comes, they will be the gateway to bringing my future children into the world.
I used to wish I was shorter. I felt like big girls shouldn't also be tall, but now I relish it. In the words of the renowned poet and scholar Juvenile..."Youse a big fine woman", lol. Anyway, I didn't have some great epiphany while I stood there, but the fact that I stood there, butt-naked, no makeup, wearing a headscarf and shower cap and I looked at myself...and felt beautiful, well...that was a great feeling. I didn't have any feelings of disgust or "omg, how did you let yourself get like that" and nothing negative crossed my mind. I just appreciated my beautiful body and marveled at all of it's intricacies.
I encourage you to do the same. Whether you have your dream body or whether you think it needs a little work...love the YOU you are NOW. Forget about the video girls, and the magazine ideals of beauty. Forget about the people that think your body needs work. Forget about the disappointment you feel when you realize that your body doesn't look as good in certain clothes as you want or the weight isn't coming off as fast or consistent as you like. Appreciate your body for how it works, marvel in your beauty and look yourself in the eye and tell yourself how much you love you. I promise you won't get rejected. :)
I used to wish I was shorter. I felt like big girls shouldn't also be tall, but now I relish it. In the words of the renowned poet and scholar Juvenile..."Youse a big fine woman", lol. Anyway, I didn't have some great epiphany while I stood there, but the fact that I stood there, butt-naked, no makeup, wearing a headscarf and shower cap and I looked at myself...and felt beautiful, well...that was a great feeling. I didn't have any feelings of disgust or "omg, how did you let yourself get like that" and nothing negative crossed my mind. I just appreciated my beautiful body and marveled at all of it's intricacies.
I encourage you to do the same. Whether you have your dream body or whether you think it needs a little work...love the YOU you are NOW. Forget about the video girls, and the magazine ideals of beauty. Forget about the people that think your body needs work. Forget about the disappointment you feel when you realize that your body doesn't look as good in certain clothes as you want or the weight isn't coming off as fast or consistent as you like. Appreciate your body for how it works, marvel in your beauty and look yourself in the eye and tell yourself how much you love you. I promise you won't get rejected. :)
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
...aaaannnd we're back.
It's been 2 months. TWO WHOLE MONTHS!! Where have I been? Around. *shrugs* I can't even come up with anything good. Only that I'm back, and I'll do better. You still love me?
:)
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Hi!!! Welcome to Shoppers!!
So, you all know my disdain for grocery shopping, and today, I'll give you reason #363 why I need my own personal grocer.
I had to get 3 times for dinner tonight: honey, a lime, and red pepper flakes. I got out of my car at 5:00p and was in the express check-out line at 5:08. GREAT TIME! For once, I'll be visiting the grocery store (in PG county) without having a story to tell. Wrong.
As I approached the register, I noticed the pungent aroma of marijuana (doesn't matter how I know). I thought to myself "Wow, someone took 'Happy Hour' to another level", but I minded my business. As the person in front of the person in front of me (still with me?) left, I expected the chick in front of me to move up beyond the belt. She didn't. She stood there leaning over the belt to where I couldn't put my items on the belt. When he gave her the total, she looked up and was like "I'm sorry, can you take her first? I just can't" and slumped over the belt. The teenage cashier looked at me like WTF? And the nice person in me asked "Are you okay?" She said "I just feel like I'm gonna faint. I can't do it. Is there somewhere I can sit down?" So the cashier, in typical poor customer service fashion, sighed and pointed to a bench. She was like "I can't make it" So he comes around the register and looks at me and mouths "What do I do?"
*blankstare*
What part of my wallet in my hand and me putting items on the belt made him feel like he should direct that question to me...I dunno, but I grabbed one of her arms and he grabbed the other and we proceeded to walk her to the bench (which was like 5 aisles over and hidden by a display). Everyone is looking at us like WTF? And security stood at the door and watched. He didn't budge, didn't look concerned, didn't look like he was processing what his role should be in the situation, he just watched the show. We got about 2 steps from the bench and chick's knees buckled. Did I mention the chick had ME by about 20-30lbs?
*press pause*
I was in nursing school, and one of the things they teach you in your lecture and clinical courses is that there is a RIGHT way to let a "patient" fall. I knew exactly how to let someone slide down your leg to avoid injury to both yourself and your patient, but never in nursing school did they teach me how to let someone fall while holding a purse, a wallet, and red pepper flakes. Never.
*press play*
So I did what most people would do. I let go. I mean, I wasn't going down WITH her. She got herself up and on the bench and only then did security make his way over. Meanwhile, I and the cashier walk back over to the not-so-express lane. As he started ringing my items, he looks at me like it was his first time meeting me and says..."Hi, Welcome to Shoppers!"
Why come I can never have an uneventful shopping trip?
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
There's a thin line, between love and hate...for facebook.
I'm lightweight addicted to facebook. I think I mentioned that before. And while I love it dearly for several reasons. I also despise it with a passion. Facebook is evil, lol. It makes people do, think and say things that one would not normally do, think or say. A lot of times, the website is glitchy, and when it does work...they are constantly updating it into the "new" facebook, which usually takes away functionality and throws everyone for a loop. Facebook is kind of like America to me. There is a BUNCH of isht wrong with it, and sometimes you just gotta get away for a while, but when it all boils down to it, it's where I call home.
Some of the things that draw me back to FB so much is the fact that I can catch up with friends/family all in one little homepage. I can load pictures from family/friendly funtions and share them without having to go through the hassle of emailing folks one by one. You can keep in touch with folks from across the street or across the world and it's all good. Love it. But from time to time, I have to take a little break. I wanted to take a minute to blog about the things that annoy me most about FB.
1). Friend suggestions. Half the time I don't even know the people that FB is suggesting I befriend. Or maybe it's someone that shares a mutual friend with I that I just don't care to interact with. At any rate...it's annoying. Let me find my own friends. If that wasn't enough, they also push you to "help make FB better for them" or "Share the latest news" to people you haven't "talked" to lately. Huh? Stop it.
2). People who post stuff on FB and then get mad when you mention it. "Who told you that?" Chick, you posted it on Facebook! I'm not stalking you! Folks need to realize that within their little circle of friends on FB, unless you have restrictive privacy settings, what you share is public information...up for anyone to see and comment on. If you don't want it talked about, don't talk about it. Or you ask a guy that you're dating what they meant by something and they get all up in their feelings "Why you all on my page like that?" What?
3). Folks that take every one of your status messages and want to apply it to them somehow and get offended. *sigh* If you KNOW me, you know that if you've done something to piss me off to the point where I have to publicly vent about it...you'll know it. I pretty much say exactly what I'm thinking and my friends never have to wonder where they stand with me. You won't have to go to my FB status to find out that I'm annoyed with you. I probably wasn't even thinking about you when I said it. *sings* "You're so vain..."
4). Fakery. If you're on my friends list, then I'm cool with you. The moment I am no longer cool with you, you're no longer on my friends list. Period. I understand why people utilize privacy lists for personal or professional reasons, but it's just not for me. And if you feel like you feel some kinda way about me that you gotta block me from your status messages, pictures, wall or whatever...please just de-friend me. I promise I won't be offended. I'm the same way with everyone I meet, so I don't need to have groups of friends on FB. That's just how it works best with me, but I do realize everything ain't for everyone. *kanyeshrug*
5). People that assume that you see every post and every status message they make. You will be talking about something and be like "wait, what? When did that happen?" And they say "Well I posted it on Facebook." Are you serious right now? Like, why would you assume that I see everything you post? Why would you use a Facebook status (only) to make an important announcement? Likewise, if I post something on my page/status and it's in direct conflict with something you said...why would you assume I'm referencing your post and trying to "battle" you? LMAO That's asinine!! OMG people kill me!!!
6). People not realizing that Facebook is an online community and in no way a substitute for REAL interaction and REAL communication with your friends and loved ones. *Liking* my pics or status does not equate meaningful quality time.
7. The airing of dirty laundry and/or fighting on FB. *sigh* Do better.
8. Hearing about important, life-altering things...on Facebook. I had to "get with" someone about telling me that a loved one was very sick...via inbox mass message. Huh? You have my phone number, you have my email address, how you gonna mass message your friends list and tell people about a family crisis via facebook? It's just...wrong.
Everyday on FB I see something that makes me roll my eyes, yet I keep going back. SMH It is what it is.
Monday, February 15, 2010
He loves me...especially...different.
Best Love song about the GREATEST love ever. Enjoy
Bet you thought I was talking about Jilly from Philly, right? :)
Bet you thought I was talking about Jilly from Philly, right? :)
My Funny Valentine...
...no really, he was friggin' hilarious. *straight face here*
So I had a very interesting weekend. I wasn't really interested in going out or making a big deal out of Valentine's day. I never am. Maybe because most V-Days in the past have pretty much sucked, so I don't even get excited anymore. Anyway, I wasn't feeling well and then the whole...being on a "dating hiatus" thing, lol. Since I'd made the decision to just not date anyone for a while, exes seem to be coming out of the woodwork to want to hang. Or just calling to "see how I'm doing". Whatever. I'd actually had a weak moment where I thought I wanted to meet someone and actually pursued something, but that didn't pan out, so back to the hiatus I go.
Anyway, back to this weekeend...I was asked out twice, and to both guys I said I wasn't interested in doing anything. To which one of them said "Well you just gonna be sitting at home anyway." How do YOU know what I'm going to be doing? So you figure that if YOU don't take me out, NOBODY will? Dude, gtfooh. You don't know what I'm doing when I'm not with you! Don't feel like you have to "do me a favor" and take me out. Fast forward to Sunday and I get a call from Mr. Navy. Mr. Navy and I met online back in the summer and dated for a few but he was just on some games. I cut things off back in November (which is when my hiatus started). We speak periodically on FB or text, but we just aren't the same anymore. He said he'd been thinking about me and that he's been wanting to ask me out but thought I'd give him the cold shoulder. *giggles* He said "Well I figure you wouldn't turn me down on V-Day" I laughed 1) because I felt that that comment ALSO came from a place of "well you're not doing anything anyway" and 2) because he knows me oh so well. Most days I do give him the cold shoulder, lol. Anyway, since he invited me to my favorite brunch spot, I decided to go.
I told him I'd meet him there instead of being picked up. We had some good convo and we talked about where we “went wrong”. Very enlightening. He said he misses me and hopes we can start over, at least as friends and try to communicate better. The thing is, he isn’t (in my opinion) admitting what he did wrong. He’s just kind of like “yeah, things fell off…but let’s start over.” I can’t really get with that. I mean, the first step is admittance, right? So if you hurt my feelings, were dishonest, playing the field and lying about it…shouldn’t you at least say “Look…I know I did you wrong, I know I was playing games, but let’s start over.” Or is that too much to ask? Seems to me you want to move on without acknowledging your part in WHY things fell off. I’m not asking for details. I’m just asking for acknowledgement because if we WERE to move forward and isht fell off again, well then it’s really my fault for not making sure the situation was resolved, right? *shrugs* Whatever. It was a free meal, and you know big girls like free food, lol.
We ended up leaving there and going to Best Buy and then taking in a movie. It was a nice date, and I enjoyed myself. He called me later that evening and said that he enjoyed himself too and that he’s sure I “made a lot of people jealous today”. Hmm? Apparently, as he explained, his legion (my words, not his) of women friends were wondering why he got ghost (his words, not mine). He cloaked this in a compliment...
"I had to take my Jewel (my middle name and what he calls me) out because YOU deserve it. I have a lot a female friends and I'm sure they would have loved to go out, but you are number one." Sooooo, since he bestowed his attention on me on the Hallmark Holiday, I should feel privileged that you chose ME to spend the day with vs. any of the other chicks? Uh…thanks???? Why do you feel the need to sell it to yourself (because you clearly aren’t selling it to me) that other people want you?
*scratches head* These dudes kill me thinking they are the end-all, be-all and the only source of happiness.
*walks away muttering*
So I had a very interesting weekend. I wasn't really interested in going out or making a big deal out of Valentine's day. I never am. Maybe because most V-Days in the past have pretty much sucked, so I don't even get excited anymore. Anyway, I wasn't feeling well and then the whole...being on a "dating hiatus" thing, lol. Since I'd made the decision to just not date anyone for a while, exes seem to be coming out of the woodwork to want to hang. Or just calling to "see how I'm doing". Whatever. I'd actually had a weak moment where I thought I wanted to meet someone and actually pursued something, but that didn't pan out, so back to the hiatus I go.
Anyway, back to this weekeend...I was asked out twice, and to both guys I said I wasn't interested in doing anything. To which one of them said "Well you just gonna be sitting at home anyway." How do YOU know what I'm going to be doing? So you figure that if YOU don't take me out, NOBODY will? Dude, gtfooh. You don't know what I'm doing when I'm not with you! Don't feel like you have to "do me a favor" and take me out. Fast forward to Sunday and I get a call from Mr. Navy. Mr. Navy and I met online back in the summer and dated for a few but he was just on some games. I cut things off back in November (which is when my hiatus started). We speak periodically on FB or text, but we just aren't the same anymore. He said he'd been thinking about me and that he's been wanting to ask me out but thought I'd give him the cold shoulder. *giggles* He said "Well I figure you wouldn't turn me down on V-Day" I laughed 1) because I felt that that comment ALSO came from a place of "well you're not doing anything anyway" and 2) because he knows me oh so well. Most days I do give him the cold shoulder, lol. Anyway, since he invited me to my favorite brunch spot, I decided to go.
I told him I'd meet him there instead of being picked up. We had some good convo and we talked about where we “went wrong”. Very enlightening. He said he misses me and hopes we can start over, at least as friends and try to communicate better. The thing is, he isn’t (in my opinion) admitting what he did wrong. He’s just kind of like “yeah, things fell off…but let’s start over.” I can’t really get with that. I mean, the first step is admittance, right? So if you hurt my feelings, were dishonest, playing the field and lying about it…shouldn’t you at least say “Look…I know I did you wrong, I know I was playing games, but let’s start over.” Or is that too much to ask? Seems to me you want to move on without acknowledging your part in WHY things fell off. I’m not asking for details. I’m just asking for acknowledgement because if we WERE to move forward and isht fell off again, well then it’s really my fault for not making sure the situation was resolved, right? *shrugs* Whatever. It was a free meal, and you know big girls like free food, lol.
We ended up leaving there and going to Best Buy and then taking in a movie. It was a nice date, and I enjoyed myself. He called me later that evening and said that he enjoyed himself too and that he’s sure I “made a lot of people jealous today”. Hmm? Apparently, as he explained, his legion (my words, not his) of women friends were wondering why he got ghost (his words, not mine). He cloaked this in a compliment...
"I had to take my Jewel (my middle name and what he calls me) out because YOU deserve it. I have a lot a female friends and I'm sure they would have loved to go out, but you are number one." Sooooo, since he bestowed his attention on me on the Hallmark Holiday, I should feel privileged that you chose ME to spend the day with vs. any of the other chicks? Uh…thanks???? Why do you feel the need to sell it to yourself (because you clearly aren’t selling it to me) that other people want you?
*scratches head* These dudes kill me thinking they are the end-all, be-all and the only source of happiness.
*walks away muttering*
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
10 Things I hate about your driving...
So we're still experiencing the "Blizzard of 2010", as they've coined it on the news. I ventured out yesterday to go to the office to get some documents and do payroll and almost killed my car. Literally. One of my headlights was hanging out when I got where I was going. WTF? The roads are horrible. At any rate, since I was out in the mania, I wanted to share some of my BIGGEST driver pet peeves.
1. Clean off the top of your damn car. Yes, YOU. I don't really care if you drive a truck, I don't really care if you're short, and no...I don't care if you were in a rush. It all boils down to being lazy and selfish. So you want to endanger MY life because you are in a hurry and didn't get up on time? You want to hamper MY ability to see because you didn't invest in a step-ladder but drive a Hummer? So I need to be subjected to big blocks of ice and snow hitting my windshield or hurling towards me at 65 miles per hour (since I never, EVER go over the posted speed limit *halo*)? I cry bullisht. I wish they would ticket these selfish bamas when they see them. UGHH, nothing infuriates me more.
2. Why do you sit with your blinker on and wait 20 minutes for a parking space? I parked further away yes, but I'm already in the store with a buggy and you're still sitting there with your blinker on. You suck.
3. Ever want to know exactly how long a split-second is? It's the time between the light turning green and the person behind you honking. You impatient so-n-so. Can I get MY foot off the brake? Can I look both ways first? Do you see the pedestrian walking in front of my car? WTH are you honking at me? Do you realize that makes me want to put my car in park and sit there...just to annoy you? Ugh.
4. I really like when you bob and weave and speed off into traffic and then we end up at the same traffic light. That smile that I give you, you aren't quite sure what it means, lemme explain it. That's my "You are such an idiot, good luck with your gas consumption" smile. Why are you gunning it in the city anyway? You've never heard of "stop and go" traffic? That means you're not on the highway genius. Get it together.
5. I'm not an aggressive driver, but what I CAN'T stand is a bully. I don't care if you ride out the merge lane, if there are no cars behind me and I think you're trying to muscle your way in front of me...10 times out of 9 I won't let you in. Sue me. It gives me pleasure. *shrug* You should have merged like the rest of us. Your dumb@ss would rather ride the shoulder and MAKE somebody let you over? Good luck with that.
6. Don't block the box. I was stopped at a light close to a fire station and I was the last car in front of the "box". Some jerk decided to pull up into the box and then honk so that we would all inch up close to each other so they wouldn't be in the box. Are you serious? No. I'm not moving. Unless a fire siren goes off, you're going to sit there. And I'm going to pray for a cop to come by and ticket you. You dork. So because YOU pulled up farther than you should have, you want me to tailgate the car in front of me? No.
7. Why don't you pull up to the first pump at the gas station? Do you think you're the only person in the universe that needs to get gas? So now I gotta do all kinds of 3-point turns and parallel parking and crap just to maneuver into an open pump because YOU are inconsiderate. You are probably the same person who is...
8. Smoking at the pump. *sigh* Just because you have a death wish and don't think life is worth living, why do you feel the need to endanger us all? You have a lit cigarette and are talking on the phone while pumping your gas at the second pump. I wish I could legally mollywop you.
9. You can't park. Those little white or yellow lines in the parking lot are not for decoration. They aren't suggested guidelines. If one or more of your wheels are on/over the lines...you need to pull out and start over. I'm a big girl, I don't want to have to do the snake to get into my car because you parked too close to me. Thanks.
10. If you're so close to me that I look in my rearview and can't see what kind of car you're driving...back the truck up!!!!
1. Clean off the top of your damn car. Yes, YOU. I don't really care if you drive a truck, I don't really care if you're short, and no...I don't care if you were in a rush. It all boils down to being lazy and selfish. So you want to endanger MY life because you are in a hurry and didn't get up on time? You want to hamper MY ability to see because you didn't invest in a step-ladder but drive a Hummer? So I need to be subjected to big blocks of ice and snow hitting my windshield or hurling towards me at 65 miles per hour (since I never, EVER go over the posted speed limit *halo*)? I cry bullisht. I wish they would ticket these selfish bamas when they see them. UGHH, nothing infuriates me more.
2. Why do you sit with your blinker on and wait 20 minutes for a parking space? I parked further away yes, but I'm already in the store with a buggy and you're still sitting there with your blinker on. You suck.
3. Ever want to know exactly how long a split-second is? It's the time between the light turning green and the person behind you honking. You impatient so-n-so. Can I get MY foot off the brake? Can I look both ways first? Do you see the pedestrian walking in front of my car? WTH are you honking at me? Do you realize that makes me want to put my car in park and sit there...just to annoy you? Ugh.
4. I really like when you bob and weave and speed off into traffic and then we end up at the same traffic light. That smile that I give you, you aren't quite sure what it means, lemme explain it. That's my "You are such an idiot, good luck with your gas consumption" smile. Why are you gunning it in the city anyway? You've never heard of "stop and go" traffic? That means you're not on the highway genius. Get it together.
5. I'm not an aggressive driver, but what I CAN'T stand is a bully. I don't care if you ride out the merge lane, if there are no cars behind me and I think you're trying to muscle your way in front of me...10 times out of 9 I won't let you in. Sue me. It gives me pleasure. *shrug* You should have merged like the rest of us. Your dumb@ss would rather ride the shoulder and MAKE somebody let you over? Good luck with that.
6. Don't block the box. I was stopped at a light close to a fire station and I was the last car in front of the "box". Some jerk decided to pull up into the box and then honk so that we would all inch up close to each other so they wouldn't be in the box. Are you serious? No. I'm not moving. Unless a fire siren goes off, you're going to sit there. And I'm going to pray for a cop to come by and ticket you. You dork. So because YOU pulled up farther than you should have, you want me to tailgate the car in front of me? No.
7. Why don't you pull up to the first pump at the gas station? Do you think you're the only person in the universe that needs to get gas? So now I gotta do all kinds of 3-point turns and parallel parking and crap just to maneuver into an open pump because YOU are inconsiderate. You are probably the same person who is...
8. Smoking at the pump. *sigh* Just because you have a death wish and don't think life is worth living, why do you feel the need to endanger us all? You have a lit cigarette and are talking on the phone while pumping your gas at the second pump. I wish I could legally mollywop you.
9. You can't park. Those little white or yellow lines in the parking lot are not for decoration. They aren't suggested guidelines. If one or more of your wheels are on/over the lines...you need to pull out and start over. I'm a big girl, I don't want to have to do the snake to get into my car because you parked too close to me. Thanks.
10. If you're so close to me that I look in my rearview and can't see what kind of car you're driving...back the truck up!!!!
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Eargasm Vol. 2
I LOVE Adele. There is this quiet confidence about her, and I love her soulful, raspy voice. I also love that she's a curvy chick and she embraces it. I know it's hard in "real" life for plus-sized women, and in the entertainment industry, the pressure is probably increased exponentially.
Many, many artists have remade this song, but her version of this classic song is my favorite EVER. I believe one day I sat and listened to this song about 15 times in a row. I've been there before, so sure about loving someone and wanting to somehow make them FEEL it. Yeah. Anyway, enjoy!
Lyrics:
When the rain is blowing in your face,
And the whole world is on your case,
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love.
When the evening shadows and the stars appear,
And there is no one there to dry your tears,
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love.
I know you haven't made your mind up yet,
But I would never do you wrong.
I've known it from the moment that we met,
No doubt in my mind where you belong.
I'd go hungry; I'd go black and blue,
I'd go crawling down the avenue.
No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love.
The storms are raging on the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret.
Though winds of change are throwing wild and free,
You ain't seen nothing like me yet.
I could make you happy, make your dreams come true.
Nothing that I wouldn't do.
Go to the ends of the Earth for you,
To make you feel my love
Many, many artists have remade this song, but her version of this classic song is my favorite EVER. I believe one day I sat and listened to this song about 15 times in a row. I've been there before, so sure about loving someone and wanting to somehow make them FEEL it. Yeah. Anyway, enjoy!
Lyrics:
When the rain is blowing in your face,
And the whole world is on your case,
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love.
When the evening shadows and the stars appear,
And there is no one there to dry your tears,
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love.
I know you haven't made your mind up yet,
But I would never do you wrong.
I've known it from the moment that we met,
No doubt in my mind where you belong.
I'd go hungry; I'd go black and blue,
I'd go crawling down the avenue.
No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love.
The storms are raging on the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret.
Though winds of change are throwing wild and free,
You ain't seen nothing like me yet.
I could make you happy, make your dreams come true.
Nothing that I wouldn't do.
Go to the ends of the Earth for you,
To make you feel my love
Eargasm Vol. 1
So Corinne Bailey Rae is my friend...in my head. She just seems like she would be someone that would be so cool to be around and just sit back and shoot the breeze. She seems like a sweet soul. When her husband died, I felt so bad for her, like I should call and check on her, or send a card, lol. I'm glad to see she's back on the scene, here is one of my favorite songs from her. Enjoy.
Lyrics:
I know what I said
Was heat of the moment
But there's a little truth in between the words we've spoken
Its a little late now to fix a heart that's broken
Please don't ask me where I'm going
Cause I don't know
No I don't know...anymore
It used to feel like heaven
Used to feel like May
I used to hear those violins playing heart strings like a symphony
Now they've gone away
Nobody wants to face the truth
But you wont believe what love can do
Till it happens to you
Till it happens to you
Went to the old flat
Guess I was trying to turn the clock back
But how come that nothing feels the same now when I'm with you
We used to stay up all night in the kitchen
When our love was new
Oooh love am I a fool to believe in you?
Cause I don't know
No I don't know
Anymore
It used to feel like heaven
It used to feel like May
I used to hear those violins playing heart strings like a symphony
Now they've gone away
Nobody wants to face the truth
Until their hearts broken
Don't you dare tell them
What you think to do
Till they get over
You can only learn these things
From experience
When you get older
I just wish that someone would have told me
Till it happens to you
Till it happens to you
Till it happens to you
Lyrics:
I know what I said
Was heat of the moment
But there's a little truth in between the words we've spoken
Its a little late now to fix a heart that's broken
Please don't ask me where I'm going
Cause I don't know
No I don't know...anymore
It used to feel like heaven
Used to feel like May
I used to hear those violins playing heart strings like a symphony
Now they've gone away
Nobody wants to face the truth
But you wont believe what love can do
Till it happens to you
Till it happens to you
Went to the old flat
Guess I was trying to turn the clock back
But how come that nothing feels the same now when I'm with you
We used to stay up all night in the kitchen
When our love was new
Oooh love am I a fool to believe in you?
Cause I don't know
No I don't know
Anymore
It used to feel like heaven
It used to feel like May
I used to hear those violins playing heart strings like a symphony
Now they've gone away
Nobody wants to face the truth
Until their hearts broken
Don't you dare tell them
What you think to do
Till they get over
You can only learn these things
From experience
When you get older
I just wish that someone would have told me
Till it happens to you
Till it happens to you
Till it happens to you
Friday, February 5, 2010
Clearly speaking
I love the words clear and clearly and say them often.
"Cleary, what I meant was..."
"Are we clear?"
"I don't know how to be more clear"
"Just so we're clear..."
and the ever Presidential "Let me be clear..."
Don't judge me. :)
"Cleary, what I meant was..."
"Are we clear?"
"I don't know how to be more clear"
"Just so we're clear..."
and the ever Presidential "Let me be clear..."
Don't judge me. :)
Thursday, February 4, 2010
10 Items or Less
I hate grocery shopping. Yeah, I'm a fat girl, but I truly, TRULY hate grocery shopping. If I weren't so anal about my products, I really would have Peapod deliver my isht. Alas, I don't trust other people to pick out the perfect avocado. An over-ripe avocado just won't do. SMH
We're expecting a snowstorm this weekend. "Of epic proportions." At least that's what they said on the news. I'm pretty much over it and ready to move on to Spring. Anyway, there is something about the mid-atlantic area that causes people to run to the nearest grocery store with crumbled currency in hand in a sheer panic. And it never fails, I always get caught in the middle of it. It's not because I've fallen for the "milk, bread, bottled water and toilet paper" foolishness, but because I seriously wait until THE last minute to go grocery shopping. I'd rather shop the food aisle at Target, that way I could push my cart through the home section and daydream about pretty dining room settings and new bedding and such.
But I digress.
Tonight, I found myself in the market again. Why? Because I had a REALLY strong craving for some fried catfish. I'd convinced myself all day that the weekend would just be shot to hell if I couldn't make some fried catfish and cheese grits. SMH As I stood in the "express" line for upwards of 30 minutes, I compiled a list of things that bother me so about the supermarket.
1). Rude cashiers that don't greet you when they start ringing you up. I'm sorry Boomquisha that you came to work and thought you were going to file your nails all day. I'm sorry that you have to stop texting your Boo for a few minutes while you ring me up. I actually WOULD prefer to ring myself up in the self-service line, but all your self-service machines are broken. Which leads me to my next point...
2). Self-checkout lanes that don't work. You got three checkout lanes, one only accepts cash, one that doesn't ring produce and the third one is out of paper. Get it together.
3). People who wander aimlessly through the supermarket aisles mumbling. "Where's the water? I wonder what aisle the water is..." and they make eye contact with you as if you're their guardian supermarket angel sent to show them to the Dasani. Ugh.
4). Customers who ask you where stuff is. Why do I look like I know what aisle the yeast is on? Seriously, this lady asked me that in the store tonite. I was picking up some breading for my catfish (insert cheesey grin here) and she's wandering down the aisle and asks me where the yeast is. Then she says "Well it usually comes in packets, why isn't it in this aisle? That would make sense, right?" Clearly you know more about the yeast than I do Lady. Honestly, I don't ever remember buying yeast, so I can't help you. Why do people want to talk to me all the time?
5). Sticky floors.
6). "Do you work here?" UGHHHH What part of me having on a coat, scarf, hat, purse and having one hand on a buggy makes you think I work here?
7). People who are impatient. I have a lot of annoyances at the market, but I ALWAYS take my patience with me. Why? Because a large part of the population is stupid and will no-doubtedly do something stupid during my trip. My blood pressure wouldn't be able to stand it. I recently watched a man curse a woman out in Shoppers because she had 11 items in the 10 items or less express lane. Tragic.
8). People who try to stage uprisings while in long lines. "Ya'll ain't got nobody working today?" As they turn to anyone who will listen in hopes that they will start complaining too. Just shut up so I can buy my Cheerios in peace.
9). The fact that 10 times out of 9, even if I go with a list and stick to it religiously, I will no doubt forget something. OR, I'll get home to put groceries away and realize I've double purchased something. Hate it.
10). People that have no sense of their surroundings. They stop in the middle of the aisle, walk into you with their buggy, stand there and read the labels with themselves and their buggies blocking your path. Do you not realize that, contrary to popular belief, this is NOT your world? Come on...MOVE IBTCH, GET OUT THE WAY!!!!!
Ugh...lemme go get some wine.
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